A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello there.Over the past few weeks me and my husband have been arguing over... lockdowns.He really, REALLY wants a fourth national lockdown, been writing to our MP about it. He's nostalgic over the first lockdown and things like Tiger King, Zoom quizzes, baking etc. and the fact we could be more intimate than before, have sex more often. He's also very into masks in public as well,pro-masker.I also found out he's involved in pro-lockdown causes online after he left the laptop open and I found social media involved in this open. The laptop is ours, not belonging to one or the other and he has to ask for permission to borrow or vice versa.I on the other hand am not. Didn't like any of the three lockdowns, but accepted them as a necessary evil to get through and thought they'd be around for a set period of time, then hopefully never again.Lockdowns probably caused more problems than they solved; people hating being with each other 24-7 and arguing non-stop, domestic violence, alcoholism.But my husband couldn't or can't see that point of view, when I mentioned it, he assumed it was something an anti-lockdowner would say.I'm glad things are normal, well, almost.I've tried to see his point of view, but this has caused us major problems. He accuses me of being an anti-lockdowner. I hated them, was not against them as an anti-lockdowner involved in protests!We've had arguments like any other couple, but not over big-picture issues, but silly things like whether something was cheap enough or Strictly Come Dancing contestants.During the lockdowns, he seemed to hate them, so I don't understand why this sudden about-turn came.Is it really that normal for someone to suddenly be against lockdowns and then change their mind to the other extreme?I've not really bought into the government propaganda, perhaps because school, parents etc. taught me to question things and form my own opinion.I couldn't work during any of the three lockdowns, but luckily enough, we could survive, we're wealthy. OK, not mega-millionaire-level wealthy, but still enough to be considered rich locally; richest people in the street by some.I don't consider myself that rich, our house isn't that grand, we live on a street where people drive Ford Mondeo hatchbacks and Nissan Qashqai SUVs and it's in a nice, if inoffensive neighbourhood.I'm concerned by the sudden pro-lockdown shift, which has been going on for six weeks. Before then, he'd have disagreed with lockdowns going on endlessly, like a lot of the public.I am wondering if he's got into some extremist group or ideology.Now before anyone says "You're going to divorce him" or "divorce him", I did marry with in sickness and in health...In this case, the sickness is probably mental health issues, not physical.I don't know who to talk to about this crisis. It isn't exactly something I can discuss with girlfriends down the coffee shop is it due to the nature of things? I do that once a week now things are back to normal.I would like someone to help me here, since this is causing me a lot of upset and worry.I'm also looking to see if anyone's been through similar so I can relate.So, basically, my question is, how to handle this crisis.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2022): I meant to say it this way:
"Our world is now subjected to this ["pick a side"] movement."
"Then when it does wind-up knocking at your door; [you're] suddenly ready to rethink your position."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2022): You have a very complex issue on your hands; but at least you're open-minded. You have to consider that everyone has a different take on this; and just because you're husband and wife you won't always agree on everything. You don't have to. You must keep the peace and harmony in your home. Your individuality and personal-values will, at some point, rise to the surface in conflict; but it shouldn't always require everyone to be on the defensive. You're married, you live together; so every controversy or conflict is an exercise in diplomacy, tact, and patience. Everybody is right to some degree, and wrong as well!
Stubbornness and hardheads will persist, because everybody wants to win the argument; but maturity and common sense should tell either of you when to chill out!!! Stop it!!! Just cut it out!!!
Two strong-willed (or head-strong) people forced together under confinement will sooner or later butt heads. That clash will be like the two wild rams you've seen in nature films; they just keep banging and banging and banging!!! You can hear the echo of their horns as they crash together! To be compared to the yelling, and the heated-arguments, that go-on between people on opposite-sides of an issue. Oh, how I hate drama and unnecessary confrontation!!!
You seem to be a strong intelligent-woman, with her own opinions, and resistant to what you consider bull manure; and he is an advocate for mass-cooperation and group-compliance under crisis. These are trying-times in many areas. Considering we're dealing with an unpredictable, potentially lethal, fast-spreading virus; which like all viruses, has the ability to quickly mutate. Laxed and incompetent handling of the pandemic caused large surges and many fatalities. If you didn't die from it, some have lingering medical issues from it. Who gets the blame? We have all learned that the virus should be taken seriously. It's wise to err on the side of caution; but not to be overcome with panic, fear, and paranoia. Imposing your opinions and beliefs on others will definitely meet some strong resistance; and there is no telling how strong that pushback will be! However, stupidity has cost many lives. Dead people don't get a second-chance for an "oops, my bad!"
Rather than overdriving a point, with the intent of correcting someone else's beliefs; you have to allow for an opposing opinion, whether you like it or not. Let God be the judge, only He can change people; because He is God. First off, you don't have to submit to his opinions or beliefs unless you want to. You're a grown-woman, you have a brain, your own body, and your own will. Who can force you to see everything his way, or anybody else's??? Nobody has stormed your door and forced you to comply with your husband's pro-lockdown stance. Human beings have one stance or cause today, and before you know it; they'll spin on a dime, and they're preaching a whole different sermon on the same topic!!!
The mistake we all make is trying too hard to be right; even when you see you can't turn the other person around. If they get too crazy, start harassing, and/or doing others harm in support of some wacky agenda...there is jail, or a mental hospital. Enough is enough!!! Believe what you want to believe, but you will not destroy my life with it! If you can't control yourself, you will have to GET OUT!!! If a police escort is required, I will be glad to accommodate you! Otherwise, keep your crazy to yourself, and we'll live in peace!
If you're wishy-washy, and can't gather the courage to put an end to crazy in your own house; develop a strong stomach and nerves of steel. That's what it takes! Divorce won't always solve these types of disagreements; because you'll go from one person to the next, there will be other differences. It's just human nature. Emotional-responses to fear is unpredictable; and you never know what problem (or crisis) will push someone you love to the brink. On the one hand, understanding and compassion helps us to cope; and the strength to take resolute measures when things become out-of-hand is something we all have to prepare to execute. When you can't reason, compromise, or resolve stubborn problems; because crazy is too crazy. Then separation and/or divorce is your final-option.
The reason people become so inflexible and immoveable in opinion; is because they have been saturated and inundated with too much information, fear-mongering, and disinformation from the news media, extremist podcasts, and the internet. Our world is now subjected to this "pick aside" movement. "You are either with me or against me!" There is no room for compromise.
That attitude is rampant, and it originated and took-hold through politics. Politicians like to manipulate people by finding our weaknesses and prejudices; and using them against us through manipulation, and pretending they care. They use fear or hatred as an avenue to gain power over people. Convincing us that they understand and empathize with even the most evil inherent-dark side of our human nature. They try to make us believe that nasty vile people have a point. Why be decent or understanding? Being understanding doesn't mean we have to be tolerant of anything and everything. God does draw the line. Politicians are only trying to make a point. That point is to divide and conquer. Now everybody is going to push their opinions and agenda; until it runs over you like a steamroller. The louder, meaner, more obnoxious you are; the better you'll push your agenda. If you're not paying attention, that's exactly how you'll be behaving with the people you love the most. It's evil, ungodly, nasty, and vicious! It breaks-up relationships, separates families, and destroys marriages. The devil and politicians just love it!!!
It keeps me constantly in prayer for family, people, and our nation. I can't believe the vile clowns people have elected to run our government! Reprobate venomous despicable people! God help us! It's like they were sprung forth from the bowels of hell! Demons in human flesh!
Let your husband live according to his pro-lockdown stance, if over-caution helps him to cope; then step aside and let him live it. He has every right to write to his elected representatives to advocate for his stance on issues; whether they agree with yours, or not. It doesn't mean the government is acting strictly on the knee-jerk reactions of public fear; they have to take the best interest and safety of the public at large into consideration, even under the protest and disagreement of many people.
Nobody realizes the impact of death or suffering, until it hits home. If it ain't happening to me, it's not my problem! Then when it does wind-up knocking at your door; your suddenly ready to rethink your position. There are the woefully-stupid, who are are hellbent and over-opinionated; but consequence and circumstance will deal with their willful-ignorance. God is good, and He is also just. They'll only learn the hard-way. When they are on a ventilator and gasping for breath; and even then, some will take their hard-stance to hell with them...as some nurses and doctors will testify.
Make peace, not war in your own home. He's overcome with fear. For some people, it is so deep-seated; the more you try to reassure them, the deeper they dig-in their heels. If he's a good-man, and this is his one particular standpoint between you, that you're finding hard to agree with, let it be. Do what's right and reasonable for you and your children, if you have any. Sometimes you have to shrug-off those opinions or beliefs our loved-ones ascribe to. Even when they make no sense. Being careful is not harmful, even when it's pushed to the degree it's annoying. Ask yourself, how much is this about wanting to be right...and how much is it an attempt to make someone see things your way? What cost are you willing to pay, just to be right, when it really makes little difference one-way or the other? You lived under lockdown, and you're here to complain about it. Some weren't so blessed or fortunate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2022): I can understand why your husband is concerned because there is a sharp spike in covid variant cases that are being brushed under the carpet and he may just be not wanting to see a whole load more people die.
Covid is an odd thing. It changes and adapts and as it's literally viral pneumonia a lot of people wish to avoid it.
I know some people really enjoyed lockdown.
They liked working from home and they found family ties and relationships to become more fulfilling with the increased contact with each other.
Many, like yourself took it as a necessary evil.
Others enjoyed finding a certain resilience within themselves and an appreciation of the little things in life.
It's only natural that people wanted to get back to the fast paced life they were used to.
Especially on a hot summers day!
Financially it was draining for many.
I doubt that your husband has become part of an extremist group.
He probably just reads the daily figures and sees the exponential growth of the disease as very worrying.
His concerns are probably about you as no one wants unnecessary grief!
I suppose you could call it just one of those things now and while many countries have eased restrictions they will have to take action if the worldwide growth of the disease gets out of control again.
Nobody can be really sure of the future but most people don't really want a bad case of viral pneumonia.
If your immune system is good or enhanced by medical means then you have a good chance that it could become nothing more than a cold so there is no point in worrying about it too much!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2022): So I guess he was being furloughed to enjoy all those activities at leisure, that's the problem lots of people agreed with them primarily because they were paid to stay at home.
Well guess what he won't be getting another lockdown just because he wants one, has he actually no clue the massive negative impact it has had on peoples mental health, other illnesses not being diagnosed and a huge amount of money us taxpayers will all have to pay back?
Sounds bloody selfish his reasons to me, it's basically because he had a good time and no other reason.
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