A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm concerned about my brother, who's 16, as for the past month or so, he's become obsessed with money, and really wants to marry a millionaire, wants me to help him find someone rich to date. Really rich.He said it's not about dating them for the money, it's just who he's attracted to; rich girls with a liking for TikTok/social media and high-end fashions and who own sports cars. Not celebrities necessarily, but rich girls.I think has no idea what it's like to date someone that rich, or the problems it would cause; he's being very idealistic.I'm 25, and moving out soon, ironically enough, due to money, as my boyfriend is middle-class, but not rich, he's certainly no millionaire. We've been dating for 2 years.I moved in with my parents 2 years ago due to restrictions in our state and the end of a year-long relationship anyway, moved out the shared house because of it.Is he at 16 wrong to want to date someone mega-rich, or is he just caught up in fantasyland?He seems to think dating someone rich solves his problems, but doesn't that bring about other issues, like getting on with rich people, snobbishness etc.?I love my brother, but am really concerned about this.None of us have ever had any experience of rich people outside of seeing them on TV.We're not mega-rich, but working-class; not middle-class either.If my brother does want to date rich people, won't there be a hell of a lot to learn? Won't it be difficult to fit into high-end society coming from a white picket-fence sort of suburb?Or is he trying to improve himself?I've asked him why, but he won't really discuss it or seems embarrassed over the whole thing. I thought we were close enough to discuss this sort of thing.How would my brother even get to meet the mega-rich people he so wants to date?Also, looking further into this, wouldn't the class divide cause problems if he did find a rich girl who'd date him, things like what the family would think.I know wealth and the wealth divide is a hot-button issue, touchy topic but need help on this.What's the best solution to this, especially due to his age?Obviously if he were over-18 you'd say go on a dating site, but he can't, for legal reasons.Am I being a good sister, concerned over the whole thing? I do love my brother a lot.I'm not dismissive of his preferences in people, just worried about the fantasy-vs-reality gap.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2022): Sounds lazy to me. He just wants an easy life and not to have to work for it. Personally I'm getting really fed up with the garbage we are fed on tv and social media - young people with designer clothes, fast cars, fake tans etc - all loaned or bought on credit. It's fake. He needs to wake up to the reality that life is tough, if you want stuff you have to earn it, if you don't save for retirement don't expect everyone else to look after you when you get old. Few people are actually rich and even fewer of those rich people would be willing to marry your brother. So at some point he will realise his mistake and have to pull his finger out his arse and work for a living. All you can do is warn him of this reality.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2022): Typo corrections:
"You don't go gold-digging for it, or [riding] on the coattails of people who have bought you."
P.S.
You grew-up, and you've faced the world. Let him be a kid, he'll learn soon enough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2022): Your brother is being exposed to influencers and all the materialism that social media presents. It's a phase. He's a teenager! He and his friends get together and they all discuss this kind of stuff; because on the outside looking in, it all seems to be the life.
By the same token, modern society is all about money money money! Greed is sewn into our social fabric, and even children learn from a very young age how to be consumers and little capitalists. I myself, started out from college with the ideal of making a name for myself; and achieving wealth and success. I come from an upper-middle class family where we lived quite comfortably; but we weren't really spoiled. We didn't get allowances, we did chores and did jobs around the neighborhood to earn money.
Yes, we wore lovely clothes, got wonderful toys, went on vacations, and had a good life. My dad spoiled my mother with lovely things; but we were firmly reminded that we only had what our parents gave us. If we wanted more than that...get a job!!! All my older brothers had jobs, while in high school. Our parents paid for college, but we still had to work to earn money for other essentials. Nobody got a free ride. Money was not the answer to all our problems and woes. We still had to face life and deal with people. No matter how wealthy you think you are, there's somebody wealthier and more powerful. You can't shelter or completely insulate yourself from trouble or unhappiness. They will find you. The richest people in the world can't avoid scandal or heartbreak.
You haven't been a big sister, if you don't try to remind him of the realities of life. You've been there and done that. You should remind him that money doesn't fulfill your every needs. Rich-girls prefer rich-boys; and even if they don't care what your background is; their parents make sure they are insulated and protected from seeing what poor-people live like. He'd feel totally out of place not being able to keep-up with their shopping sprees, lavish parties, and glitzy social events that comes with wealth and privilege.
He'd long for realness and normal everyday people. It's easy to look at those false fairytale lives as presented by internet celebrities, actors, or athletes who seem to have everything anyone could ever want. Yet you read ever so often of them committing suicide. If they're so perfect, happy, rich, and beautiful, what drives them to depression and suicide???
He's in a teenage fantasy-world, and at this age it's normal. He hasn't been exposed to the real-world yet; and he's the prime audience for social media trash, which inundates kids with strategic marketing and pretense. He will come to find-out there are no rich-girls driving around looking for poor or middle-class boys to splurge their money on. They're taught to stay among their own kind. Many on the internet don't really have what they pretend to have; it's all fake. When they're exposed by scandals, or get into trouble, all the dirt and truth comes out!
Remind him that if he wants all that, get an education; and try working for it. If you're not born with it, or you don't inherit it; you've got to work for what you want. You don't go gold-digging for it, or ridding on the coattails of people who have bought you. They will not treat you with respect, and when they get angry with you; they will take it all back, and toss you away like trash.
You don't have to worry much; because time and reality always brings us to our senses. He may someday earn a lot of money, and will learn that it won't necessarily make all his troubles and the pains of life go-away.
Money can't buy you good-health, and it won't stop you from growing old, or dying. It won't always get you out of trouble. Sometimes fate and circumstance removes all the protections and benefits we think money will provide. The devil has his day! Leaving us lonely and unhappy. As those very people he looks up-to will surely discover. Tabloids are full of their misery, exposed secrets, and embarrassment. The real-world is where we learn what's fact and what's fantasy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2022): Rich people don't go on dating sites, not real genuine sites. The websites that claim you will meet rich people are set up so that poor people pay a lot of money to join up and get into the fantasy of getting value for money when they bag a rich person - it never happens. Rich people date other rich people. These dating sites are very much like the one that sell the fantasy of meeting a hot wife who is frustrated that her husband refuses her sex, and if the guys pay to contact her they might get lucky enough to sleep with her regularly for free.Sometimes a rich guy will date a woman who earns less than him because he wants sex with her and is happy to pay for the privilege by sending her flowers, taking her out and buying her stuff, but that's very different to a woman who does not need to pay for a guy, she can easily get a guy who is rich if she is. If she is self made and earnt her own money, which is unusual at such a young age, she would insist the guy is the same. If she inherited it etc it's probably in a trust fund or got some other grip on it so she cannot be irresponsible with it. And her family would be keeping a close eye on anyone who tries to.I think the rich people your brother would like to date would laugh at him, if he was every lucky enough to meet him, and like you say, he would not fit in with them.To them he has nothing to offer. They would see him as a loser, freeloader and bore. I bet even the way he talks is different and not in their league. He would have a lot to learn and have to become a whole new person, far more capable than he is now! How would he do that? They would not want to help him do it, he would not be some sort of time wasting project to them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2022): No need to worry, no way will he get the chance to date a rich girl! Like he would be that lucky. Rich girls are not that dumb. They do not go out with gold diggers, losers, users, freeloaders, lazy arses or guys who want to get a good life through them. They have had plenty try before and even if they were naive enough to meet once or twice their dad would soon knock the stuffing out of any guy like that. Their dads make sure that the men (little boys usually) they date are up to scratch and not trying to take advantage of their princess.They make sure their princess gets a guy like this, a younger version of them, who they can trust to take care of her with money, decisions, love and all the rest.Your brother not only has big ideas and is very childish and selfish but he is not even smart enough to earn his own money. On top of that he is so silly he needs your help to get him a victim. Why would you do that?Why does he need help to do that? Is he not smart enough?Not good looking enough? Too boring? If he meets any woman who moves on high circles she would soon tire of himbecause he is not exciting, not special, not good looking and smart enough to warrant her being with him.You see the more money she has and the younger and better looking she is the longer the queue will be to date her.And the better those guys will be that your brother would be competing with.He has no chance against guys who are suitable for her.Am sorry to say that your brother is not a nice personif he thinks it's ok to use a woman to get a great easy life and use you to get her.
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