A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband is obese and isn't willing to diet or exercise, what should I do?He is not willing to seek outside help, doctors said our sexless marriage is because of his weight, as being obese reduces a man's libido, also he suffers from sleep apnea, very heavy snores, so we sleep in separate bedrooms, again the snoring problem is because of his weight. He is not willing to give up sugar and fat by no means. I make him low-fat food, as well as eating my food, he snacks himself with lots of biscuits, chocolate, cheese, bread, and fast food. He signed for Gym, but he only goes to the Sauna part, to relax, no walking, no exercise, and as I said, no matter how much effort and communication, even threats I have done, nothing seems working. What should I do?Alexandra
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): I feel ya I have the same situation with my husband. He has gained 110lbs since we've been married. Can you say, turn off?!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): You say you are 22 to 25? If that is correct, then I presume your husband is a relatively young man?
How long have you been married? Was he obese when you married? If so, then you knew he was like that to begin with, but if he has just gotten fat and lazy after marriage, then it sounds kind of hopeless. Maybe he figures he got the girl, why stay in shape?
Pretty sad way to live, but if I were you I would seriously consider ending the marriage if he is as you describe. You can do better...
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A
male
reader, ryandude18 +, writes (22 November 2008):
 well if he did exercise he liked then you will be surprised, even though its very expensive, sking is very fun and keeps you very lean.
if he wants to then get him to join a boxing club (non contact) and the weight will fall off. i am only 18 and i lost 2 st 7lbs in 2 months boxing alone.
ive never felt better, boxing is fun
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A
female
reader, mima  +, writes (22 November 2008):
 well, it is really rare 4 someone obessed to seek no medical attention. this might sound weired but if i were in ur shoes, i would cook up a plan with a doctor to tell him a medical story of lies so he could get scared and agree to be helped, like "His heart is being pressured by 20kg of fat and if not treated soon, might lead to a stroke or death.
that food digests not in his stomach coz of excess fat n it accumulates waste products in his intestines, which has coursed a major problem that has to be looked at seriously... or sorts, try cook up a lie to save your husband and save yourself from becoming a young widow. or your children, if any from loosing a father.
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A
female
reader, Miss Potter +, writes (22 November 2008):
 Hi Alexandra! I know what its like to have an obese partner, it sucks! Although mine did make some effort to loose weight, but not enough.
What I would suggest is - have more healthy, fit men images around the house, like have Mens Health magazines in the living room, or loo, have a big poster of a fit hot guy on the door somewhere.
Are you fit your self? Do you work out? If so, you could have a schedule of events that you are planning to do somewhere in the kitchen as a reminder. Also, try googling what obesety will lead to - diabetes, heart problems etc online, and print out those and leave them around the house. Nagging him wont make any difference, but those silent reminders should make him think at least something. He might get super annoyed at some point, but say you are not doing it for him, AS YOU ALREADY GAVE UP ON HIM, and its just a motivation for you to stay healthy.
Its just an idea, ive heard some people use this method of leaving info around the house to teach their children about sex, it might somehow work for you...
One thing for sure though is that he will only change his mind when something really hits him - he will suddenly realise he doesnt want to stay fat anymore.
You know that in the old times if one of the partners didnt want to satisfy the other in the bedroom, they could divorce? If hes got at least a little bit of temper, than maybe you flirting with other FITTER guys could help?
He has to realise that YOU WILL NOT TOLERATE NOT HAVING SEX AND HAVING OBESE PARTNER and you will eventually walk away, that should motivate him!
If you got married when he was obese already that doesnt help at all, cause that meant that you were happy to accept him just the way he was and thats what he is thinking right now, why should i change??
Anyway, hope ive been of some help, im off for a run myself, it is soooo cold outside, but I need to loose 6 pounds before I see my boyfriend at christmas, so off I go!
:)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 November 2008):
Go out and get some brochures from the funeral place and talk to him about coffins and what he'd like his funeral to be like.
Then talk about cutting back on luxuries and setting up a saving account in your name so you have access to cash once he does pop his clogs.
Talk to him about how long he'd like you to wait after his death before you start dating again. I mean obviously he wants you to be happy so maybe 3 weeks? I mean it's not like there is much left of your marriage to mourn.
After this it may sink in how stupid he is actually being.
Threats are all very well but if he doesn't think you'll actually go through with it then they won't work.
Actually set up accounts, go and buy a black dress and talk about how you want to look your best when he's buried.
He needs a shock if he's to realise he needs to change.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (22 November 2008):
 I am surprised to hear about this actually as I was under the impression Europeans for the most part didn't have an obesity problem.
Is this post for real? Why would you ask strangers about a medical, emotional, psychological problem?
You seem to be very young to have this problem... how old is he and was he obese when you met him?
Most people don't find over-weight people very sexy to say the least. You might need to find a lover if this is really a true situation.
Some people drink themselves to death, others use food.
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