A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiI'm new to this sort of thing but here goes. I'm a mum of 2 beautiful children, one aged 8 and a new baby of 8 weeks.My husband and I just can't seem to get along and it's got nothing to do with the new baby this has been going on for years. He's verbally abusive and just seems to shout all the time so much so that I am now immune to it and nothing he can say can hurt me any more. He thinks nothing of swearing at me in front of our son and I am worried about the damage this is doing to him. All he does is critise me and nit pick. We have a lovely home, no money problems but he is never happy. I do not need him financially and can't help think that life would be much better for me and my children without him but am scared to take the step. Can anyone offer any advice I don't want to talk to friends as they are all mutual
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 As the exwife of an abusive husband...consider that your children learn about relationship FIRST from their parents.
You and your husband are the first role models of how a man and woman treat each other in a commitment.
So, your 8 year old is at that impressional age to learn that you are not respected and that you have learn to shut off your feelings. Do your kids to believe that is acceptable or normal?
We teach people how to treat us. If this has been going on for years, you have a lot of work ahead. A counselor can help you with some skills there. Just go for yourself if he will not go with you.
Best Wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): The actions you describe of your husband are similar to the ones I experienced with my ex husband. To the outside world it seemed all was pretty much 'ok'. Most of his moods were brushed off as stress etc. There was always an excuse for him. Like you I wanted something to happen so I could say "told you so" to everyone - this is what he is really like etc. That never came. You see he has cleverly got you just where he wants you - down enough, belittled enough to be a bit low, fed up and hanging on in there but not bad enough to leave him. He is controlling you with this nit picking. What you describe is absolutely enough reason to leave him - particularly as you have made the point before and he has not changed his behaviour. I know what it is like because over long periods of time all these poisonous jibes becomes one fuzzy pattern of numbness. My advice is to get a journal and start keeping things written down so you can track how bad this really is - you are unhappy what... 80% of the time? 90%? Could you start making some plans - so that you can build your thoughts around leaving? I say all this because I don't think this guy is going to change. If you think he can then you can work on it but how much longer are you going to give it? Someone once said to me "How will you be feeling in 10 years time if you're still with him and things are the same?" Challenge yourself with this question and have some self-worth - I hope it helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for this, I have tried to talk to him on many occassions I have even left him a couple of times, he changes his ways for a while but then we get back to the same old situation. The problem is he is one of those men who thinks he's always right and that his behaviour is perfect (even though I know it isn't). Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for him to do something 'big' if that makes sense to justify me leaving him even though I've got more than enough reasons. I can't help visualising life without him and that seems far better than life with him
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