A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Would anyone on here be upset that your boyfriend hadnt asked you to his sisters wedding?Ive being going with this guy for the last 8 month. His sister gets married next weekend, he has talked about the wedding and the plans for it but never once has he said do you want to come. I know he is staying at this hotel for a night and that the venue was booked in Febuary, but I have invited him to my uncle's wedding which is the week after.Also, he hasnt told his family about me either. Does anyone think im just overreacting?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): Since he has not told his family about you then why would it make sense for you to come to the wedding with him? He doesn't tell his family about you because he doesn't want to and that is probably because he doesn't see the relationship as serious as you do. I'm sure it's because he is young and doesn't himself making a serious commitment for many years to come.
You can't force someone or guilt trip them into feeling more serious. I would just take this as information to know where you stand and set your expectations about him and the relationship accordingly. It's not a bad thing...probably just not where you want the relationship to be or develop into. It is what it is.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 June 2011):
 The main issue is that he has not told his family about you. As the others have said - your boyfriend is not in charge of the guestlist to the wedding, he cant invite you unless his sister says its ok because after all, it is her wedding. And it is going to be pretty hard for her to invite you when she doesnt even know you exist!
You need to figure out why your boyfriend is keeping you a secret - you have been together 8 months now, that is more than long enough to be well involved in each other's lives and you certainly should have met each other's parents by now.
You need to talk to him and ask him outright why he hasnt told his family about you, why he is hiding you and what he is going to do about it. You should not be with someone who is ashamed of you or keeps you a secret - so he needs to sort this out otherwise you should walk away. Make sure he knows that!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (23 June 2011):
 I agree with Battista.
He has no rights to ask you to his sisters wedding.
This is his sister's wedding. SHE and her fiance are the people who decide who goes to their wedding, not your boyfriend.
Guestlists would have been drawn up months ago, and all the deposits, money, table settings etc organised then. The amount of stress involved in making sure all the important people (mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles etc) are happy and catered for usually leaves very little in the way of movement for +1's.
If she doesnt know of your existance, why would she invite you to her wedding? Would you want someone at your wedding you had never met, even if they were dating someone you knew?
Have you asked your Uncle if it is ok to bring your boyfriend? Or did you just assume it was ok?
I think you need to focus on why he hasnt told his family about you and discuss how you both see this relationship. This may be more serious from your point of view than his.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (23 June 2011):
It's a difficult one, to be honest. I think there are quite a lot of issues at play here, possibly inter-related. In no particular order, firstly, I would imagine the fact that you haven't been introduced to his family yet has quite a lot to do with it. If you have happy for him to go to your uncle's wedding, and yet you haven't even met his family, indicates to me that there is something going on at this level. He must have his reasons for not introducing you, and to be honest, after 8 months I personally would want to know what those are. Perhaps you have different attitudes to how serious the relationship is, perhaps he has a different relationship with his family when it comes to telling them about partners. Who knows. However, logically speaking I would say that if his family don't even know about you then it is unlikely he is going to ask you to come to the wedding. Do you know why he hasn't wanted his family to know about you yet?
Secondly, if the wedding venue was booked back in February, then at that point you two had only been going out for 4 months. That is not a long time and it might not give you an automatic invite, if you see what I mean.
Thirdly, if it is your bf's sister's wedding, it is not up to him to invite you or not. It is up to his sister and her fiance who is invited. Financial constraints can be a big deal with weddings, and inevitably some people you would like to invite get left off the list, usually because of cost considerations. Each guest can easily cost a minimum of £50, as a rough example, and this means the guest-list has to be taken seriously. Seeing as you bf's sister doesn't even know he has a gf then it doesn't really make sense to think that she is going to extend an invitation to you, and that is on top of the cost considerations I have mentioned even if she did. Plus 1s are often a contentious issue at weddings (in my experience).
Fourthly, I don't think your uncle's wedding has anything to do with it. Did you ask him if your bf could come, or were you given a plus 1 at all? Presumably you didn't just invite him without your uncle knowing anything about it. Either way, different people organise their weddings differently, so I don't think it's really relevant. In this case, I think the more relevant issue is the fact that your uncle knows you have a bf, whereas your bf's family don't know he has a girlfriend.
I personally can understand why you are upset, and I probably would be as well! However, I think when you look at the wider issues, especially the fact that his family don't know about you, then I think it is to be expected that you weren't invited, combined with the fact that it's not your bf's place to give you an invitation anyway.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (23 June 2011):
 After 8 months? No you are not overreacting at all. You deserve some consideration and whilst I agree with what Annalisa has said about only close family being invited, if this was the case it would have been nice for him to at least tell you this, without you thinking the worst.
However, if he hasn't told his family about you then that is another issue which you need to discuss with him. I'd want to know if they knew about me and if not then why. You deserve to know where you stand with this guy.
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