A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband is masturbating ALL the time. He does it 3-4 times a day during the work week and more on weekends. We will just be sitting there enjoying a movie and I'll look over and he's doing it. We have sex regularly. We've had it four times this week. He's constantly grabbing me and fondling me to the point of pain. He won't stop touching me when I ask him to. I have to literally push him off of me to get him to leave me alone. I'm sick of him doing it all the time. I've spoken with him about it. I think it's a real problem. He's dismissive of it. Recently we were doing a couple game with 4 friends. It came up in one of the questions. They were all shocked at the number of times he does it. Guys I have to ask is this normal? It's the first thing he does when he wakes up either in bed or the shower. When he gets home from work he does it 1 or 2 times. When he goes to bed he does it then. A few different times he's gotten tiny rips or sores on his penis from all the rubbing. When this happens he still can't stop for a day to let it heal he just uses a vibrator on it so it won't irritate the mark. I can't get him to understand I think it's being a problem. Do men masturbate like this? Am I in the wrong to ask him to stop?
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male
reader, methuselah  +, writes (14 June 2014):
Hi,
This seems very excessive. It's not normal, far too much and he is not respecting your feelings.
I am married, I only ever masturbate when my wife is away for a few days. And even then, not a lot. I wonder if he has just started this and it is now becoming addictive for him. He may need to speak to someone professionally about this. However, he may not want to. Thanks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): mmmmm thats too much he needs help srsly thats not normal,masterbation is not a prblm bt is goin to be a problm if he is over doin it,he must visit a doctor....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 June 2014):
 I'm with the others. He is over-masturbating, and it's gone beyond just desire, but has gone into compulsion and addiction. If I were guessing, he's fondling you like that because his body is in sexual exhaustion and he's needing more stimulus to try and maintain that high.
His hormones are in imbalance, and he could be damaging himself beyond just penis sores. Thinning hair, blurred vision, chronic fatigue, impotence/weak erection (could be the other reason he's using a vibrator)...
If I were you, I'd look up the effects of over-masturbation and show him. Guys tend to get nervous about things that can damage or impair his sexual function. He should see a doctor and stop the masturbation for a few days at least to let his body recharge.. His brain seratonin and dopamine receptors are out of whack.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 June 2014):
 I too wonder if this is new behavior for him. If it is then he needs professional help to get at the root cause. (No pun). If it isn't then why on earth did you marry this guy?
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A
male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (14 June 2014):
I masturbate once a day if am not seeing my gf just before i sleep. Even with that, i feel guilty. But when am with her for 3 or 4 days during most weekends, sex with her is enough. I think hes got a setoius problem and needs help.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (14 June 2014):
 Oh dear....sounds like he has a serious problem. Don't get me wrong, us blokes like to show ourselves a good time, but I wouldn't eat, type this response or watch a movie one handed, you know? There's a time and a place - and its not while sat with your girlfriend watching normal tv shows.
It sounds like an addiction or at least a pathological NEED to masturbate to the point of making himself sore. Also his grabbing and forcing is not good at all, if you haden't got he confidence to push him off it could be classed as rape.
You need to talk to him, tell him his actions are inappropriate (both the way he touches you and his lack of respect for you while masturbating). Are you I the wrong to tell him to stop? Telling him he cannot masturbate is not appropriate as he is entitled to do it, BUT you can Tell him (rather than Ask him) to stop grabbing you and hurting you and stop making you uncomfortable by masturbating at inappropriate moments. I wouldn't dream of telling anyone to stop touching themselves, but if they were sat next to me on a bus doing it I certainly would!
Many young men masturbate several time a day, but (presumably) in his twenties and with a sexually active GF I would expect that to be happening less. He needs to learn self control, respect for you and your body and to only pleasure himself when its appropriate.
If you have already spoken and he is dismissive then maybe its time to move on? Its clearly an issue and an addiction and until he accepts that he has a problem and seeks help it wont go away. The way he grabs you and hurts you physically shows a complete lack of respect, control and maturity and is quite a concern too.
Mark
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (14 June 2014):
 Wow, he just reaches down and does that during a movie?? I don't date men, so I really can't answer this question, as I have no idea! Now I'm truly fascinated to hear the answers! I can't imagine feeling the need to masturbate in the middle of a movie and just reaching down and doing it! Or that many times a day. That seems way too time consuming.
About him grabbing you constantly - yes, definitely put a stop to that, as it's inappropriate. It's an issue of boundaries. He needs to respect yours. You're not a sex object. You are his wife. You need to have a sit down with him and explain how it really makes you feel and that it needs to stop asap.
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A
male
reader, thoughtsshared +, writes (14 June 2014):
 Most young men masturbate about once a day if they can't have sex. It's not normal to masturbate this often and it has certainly become a problem because it's interfering with his normal life. He seems to be anxious and finds release in this maladaptive way.
I think you need to persuade him to see a doctor: try to turn the focus to his repetitive thoughts which are distracting him from concentrating on other things. If you focus on the activities he might be enjoying instead of obsessing about sex you might convince him that he needs to talk about it. He probably also his pain in the groin area, and although he probably won't admit it, feels a bit of a slave to his obsession.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): How long have you two been married? Did you guys live together before? Is this a completely new habit or did you only start noticing it recently?
I can't provide you the normalcy rates of male masturbation, but his behavior in terms of disrespecting your boundaries and your no's (subtle to explicit) is a problem in itself. Honestly, it's borderline sexual harassment - depending how uncomfortable you are with it. The fact you two have sex regularly and he can't take a "no" even once is rather alarming. You're NOT wrong in telling him to stop touching you, but he has the right to touch himself...but when it begins to debilitate him from daily functions, then he has an addiction.
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