A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:First off my husband is and has always been the jealous and controling type right down to hitting me and making sure I'm isolated with no female friends unless he's with me and can oversee everything and even then he gets jealous.For the first 14 years of our marriage he would get intimate with any woman who wanted him including my only female friend. I think the reason he messed with my female friend was his way of breaking up any close relationships I had with anyone else other than him. I'd say for about the last year he hasn't been as jealous and controling but now his jealousy is back again and even stronger, but yet he still maintains and estabishes friendships behind my back with female co workers and whoever else he feels like doing it with.My problem is I have alot going on in my life (other than marriage problems) and I need to get out of the house and interact with other adults at least once a week, relax and get my mind off things, but he is starting to get extremely angry of other men who talk to me, even if a mutual guy friend calls the "home phone" when he knows my husband is home and I answer it he gets really pissed if him and I talk to each other. He on the other hand has no limits and is allowed to interact with other women behind my back and in front of me,he can receive private calls on his cell and he can socialize with ex girlfriends if he runs into them but he says he cannot handle me being around other men even though he's with me. HELP !
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 September 2009):
 When you got together, especially got married, did you do so with the idea of being there for your husband while he's there for all women? Why have you been with him for as long as you have, when he treats you this way? This isn't a marriage, it's like he's the slave master and you're his property. Really, what kind of life is that to live? Where does he get the right to hit you? Has this always been your idea of how marriage works, or are you just staying for convenience?
You can't change what he does or how he acts toward you. You can change what you do. I think it's time for you to live. Unfortunately, it may mean living without him. I recommend filing for divorce, having friends or police stand by for you to gather your things and go someplace safe. It may mean having to file a protection order, changing your cell number, email address etc. Anything to keep you safe and away from him.
You deserve to really be able to live your life,without fear and without being controlled or isolated. I'd also recommend seeking counseling to help you get on the path of rebuilding your sense of self. Remember, you deserve to be happy and he has no right to do what he's been doing to you. How could you believe for a second that he has any respect for you, by his actions? It is really time to vacate and get out of there. I hope you do, and find the happiness that's been awaiting you.
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