A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband has a very large family and he is constantly at their beck and call, doing things with them and helping them when he can. I have no issue with this and good for him but I don't want to have that kind of relationship with them. I have absolutely no family as my parents died when I was young and I am an only child. I don't enjoy spending any time with his family, have nothing in common with them and cannot wait for them to go or for us to leave. Although my husband knows I don't like family things he keeps arranging things or days out and wants me to attend with him. I have told him I don't want to as there are things I would rather be doing but this just makes him angry. I now pretend I am going to work to get out of going/ them coming to us and have been known to sit in a cafe all day until I can go home when I know they have eventually left. I feel so resentful as the house is mine and I just don't want to spend my time with his family as I am tired at the weekends and have other much more interesting things I want to do rather than listen to some dull story which I have heard twenty times before. I have explained to my husband that I am never going to want to fit into this set up but he will always choose to spend time with them rather than listen to my needs. We have been maried two years. Any advice or should I call it a day sooner rather than later? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 March 2012):
 I wonder if your husband has siblings. He must be the most accomodating one in his family. I have family members who are users and parasites. One aunt would try to make convesations with my dad but she made a stupid comment and my dad just ignored her, didn't even look at her. Luckily my mom doesn't mind (it's my dad's side of family). She just found it amusing. Other times he would hide in his bedroom. Your husband has to do something. Even if he owns this house it doesn't make it more right for his relatives to stay there and spread negative energy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): You sound like a very bitter person. I come from a similar family set up to your own i have 1 sibling who is special needs so i grew up like an only child but with parents who were never there. That got worse when i was 12 and my step father died. I never really understood the family dynamic. My partner has a wonderful family he has 3 siblings a fantastic mother and a step father whom i respect more than i ever did my own. Maybe I'm lucky because we do have things in common but Has it ever occurred to you that he wants you to like his family because they are a huge part of who he is. I know my partner doesn't have anything in common with my mother she's not smart or cultured or intelligent like his family are but he still makes the effort with her to a point even more then i do. Relationships are about compromise and while i think you shouldn't have to spend every spare minute with them i do think you should make a bit of an effort. You never know you may even learn to like them after all they are the people who made your husband who he is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do understand that sometimes you have to compromise and do things you don't want to do but when does that way of thinking ever come back my way? I find his family irritating, prejudiced, racist, ignorant and I don't want to spend a second with them let alone have them in my property. They never read books are unable to discuss anything other than whats on TV in a sopa or that has appeared in a tabloid. Sorry that sounds blunt and harsh but is extremely accurate.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (17 March 2012):
I completely understand why you feel this way. There is a reason why I am here all alone in the country. I like privacy.
You see, these are things that you discuss before you get married but since you are married already, you have to compromise and meet in the middle. You like this man enough to marry him. No one is perfect and not everything can be your way. You should talk to him about this before serving him the divorce papers. There is no reason why you can't set aside this this day for alone time, and the other days for family gatherings. This shows that he can't say no to people. I am sure your husband doesn't like to listen to the same story twenty times either. Maybe he needs help in the boundary setting department with his family members.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (17 March 2012):
 Has it occurred to you that your husband loves his family and he loves you so that because you are important to him he wants you to spend some time with them?
It doesn't mean you have to have them over or visit them several days a week. But would it really be such a hardship to visit for a couple of hours every two or three weeks?
You sound very judgmental toward them - notwithstanding that you don't have anything in common with these people.
Can you not come to some kind of compromise? Or, is it really worth ending your marriage over??
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