A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why is my ex saying he won't allow me to introduce another man to my kids. My ex and I broke up 3 months ago, we lived together and had 2 kids. We.broke up.because he has a bad temper and the relationship had been abusive at times and I didn't.trust him. He has his own place and will have a routine with the kids. He recently started saying he missed me and knows we still love each other. I think he thinks we can start having a casual.relationship again but this is mainly about him needing sex. He suggested that we could have sleep overs at each others homes. I told him it wouldn't work as I want a proper relationship and told him we should move on and that we are both young enough to meet someone else. He said he would rather.not see his kids and would hurt me if I ever thoughtabout it. He said I could see someone else when he has the kids but that's it. How on earth can I ever move on and find love if he is going to be unreasonable. Male advice please..
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 March 2012):
 So you think it's OK for him to call the shots in YOUR live?
Honestly, I'd talk/deal with him as little as possible.
Once you are ready to take I would AT LEAST take 6 months to get to know a fella before introducing him to the kids, first of all. Second of all, he can not expect you to never date again because you have kids, that is just plain ridiculous.
I think Cerberus was very spot on as well. YOU DO have choices. It's YOUR life.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (17 March 2012):
 I am going to agree with Cerberus on their post. What you are dealing with is a very abusive and controlling man. It sounds like to me he wants to have his cake and eat it too and he is using the kids to deny you from seeing anyone else.
I will agree with him though that at least at first, try not to introduce your new boyfriends to your children. It tends to confuse them and chances are there is going to be many of them. You really don't want your children to remember their early childhood as seeing their mom with a multitude of boyfriends. When you find one that is going to stick around, I recommend then introducing them to one another but until then, make sure that when your children are with you that the time is all about THEM. They'll respect you for that and appreciate it in the long run.
Ultimately though, you are going to have to deal with your ex. If he is violent, then you may have to get some sort of legal action / protection against him. If you fail to deal with him, you'll be at his beck and call until the kids are of legal age. This may be a scary prospect, but I am sure there are resources available to you in your country that will protect you from him.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): OP he threatened to hurt you if you tried to date someone else? Have you evidence of this threat? If it was text or facebook message etc. then you do.
First off he's threatened you, so if there weren't kids involved I'd say cut all contact, instead make all contact through your mother or father/sister etc. Arrange to not be there when he picks up the kids and drops them off. It may be a little more hassle but you have to get this guy out of your life. I've had a neighbour and friend do the same thing. She didn't have family here in Ireland so me and my girlfriend did the exchanges for her, for 6 months until the court action was finished and his visitation supervised.
OP physical threats are against the law, your next step should be to seek legal advice.
OP it's only been 3 months, it's very doubtful you're going to be dating any time soon and as a single mother you'll hardly be introducing a new guy to your kids when only in the dating stage of your relationship, so this is just part of the game you are playing with your ex.
You see you admit you want him back and want a relationship with him even though he's a prick. So in my honest opinion I don't think this about you dating other guys but your wish to keep this sick little power struggle going with him. Otherwise not only would you take very serious action against his threats to ensure he cannot carry them out, ever, but you wouldn't be giving a shit about what he thinks about how and who you date.
Make up your mind OP, you don't get to complain about him when you're still playing the game, either get rid of him or just be a fool. Your choice.
Personally I like the sounds of you moving on, of cutting him out of your life and having only the kids in common. But I have a feeling you like this game so much that you will answer all his phonecalls and keep up this back and forth on/off bullshit until you are worn down.
Your call OP, this is one messy ass situation and if you don't let go then this head/heartache is going to continue for a long, long time.
Want a male perspective? You're dirt, you're nothing but a piece of ass that he can control and wants to bone. He threatens you and only views you as good for sex. That's it. We guys don't treat girls that way unless we're absolute pricks and we certainly don't treat women we love like that.
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