A
female
age
41-50,
*ab74
writes:Is there anyone who has any advice for a mother of two young children whose husband and their father is an alcoholic? He just came out of detox a week ago and is back to drinking again. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): I dont really know what to say but i feel so sorry for you. My dad was an alcoholic and he died because of it this year. The only thing i can say is he has to want to stop and he has to admit he has a problem if he doesnt do that he wont stop. Im really sorry.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Your husband has to WANT to stop drinking and by the sounds of it he has got further to go before he hits rock bottom. Not you or anyone else will stop him drinking.. only HIM and his genuine WANT to stop! I strongly advise that you go to a meeting at Al Anon where wives and family of alcoholics can get some really upbuilding advice.
What you have to remember is that drinking is an illness. Without the right care and attention most alcoholics cannot stop on their own, even IF they wanted to.
Here is a great site that will help you understand more about an alcoholic and what YOU can do as his wife. I know it's hard on you and your children, you need to explain to your daughter that daddy has an illness right now.
http://ukjohnd.com/audio/
Another site you might find useful is this one:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Seek out your nearest Al Anon Centre and pay them a visit. Maybe your husband (in time) will even go with you.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, mab74 +, writes (5 December 2008):
mab74 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am here to update and ask for more advice... My husband did end up going to rehab for 28 days about 3 hours away. The whole time he was there he would call and say how sorry he was, he loved me, and he would never take another drink and put us through this again. Well, 3 months later he is back at it and going even stronger. He admits he is an alcoholic and only wants to keep drinking, He sheds many tears over the situation, but wants no help. I think I am at my breaking point. I see a counselor and so does our 12 year old. The only things holding me back from leaving are love, finances, and the kids blaming me. My daughter does not understand how I can let him drink again, why don't I dump it, why do I let him leave the house... Any advice?
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A
male
reader, Dr T  +, writes (16 April 2008):
Agree with 1.
Im a recovering alcoholic (10 months this month) and I lost good friends, good relationships, good jobs, the respect of my family and ultimately my self respect long before I got it together and quit drinking.
He needs to get back into rehab, with your help. I do have mates who did this, finished 28 days and went straight to the pub/dealer etc. But succeeded the second time around, dont quit on quitting.
I hope this all works out for you, God bless you.
Dr T
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): I agree with the 1st answer completely, if you are struggling to understand your partners drinking than perhaps you should look into an Al Anon program for yourself to get you the support you need and gain strenth to make the difficult decision in front of you. I am also a recovering alcoholic and I have 20 days sober. Many prayers out to you.
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A
female
reader, lorac33 +, writes (16 April 2008):
Okay, I have plenty of experience in this area. First of all, I am a recovering alcoholic (9months this month), my ex-bf is an alcoholic/addict. I enabled him the WHOLE time we were together (I was pregnant also), thinking he might change. He relapsed too many times to count. He's got to be READY to quit (HE'S NOT!) and do it only for himself- not YOU, not YOUR CHILDREN (Mine tried, he loves our daughter dearly), but it's not about any other person than HIMSELF. Please let him go with Love for now, pray ALOT for him, and take care of YOU and your beautiful children, and everything else will work out. And if you're not ready to let him go, that's okay too, but make sure your children are safe- if not, please don't let him around them, you don't want DCF involved! God Bless, and I know you'll make the right decision- trust your heart and the NUDGES you get in your gut, as Oprah says- they are telling you what to do, even if it is hard. Bless You and your family,
Carol
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