A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Husband is away, noticed changes.We've been married 9+ years and have an 8y.o. My husband has left the country because of immigration reasons. He hadn't been back to his country for 14 years. He has been gone for 3 months. Before he left he would cry and tell me how much he already missed me. The first month he was gone we talked over 1300 minutes, the second around 800 and this month only 100. He use to call about 7x a day. The last two weeks I've noticed changes. Now he calls once a day, today we talked for less than a minute. When I call now he cuts me off giving me stupid excuses:hungry, sleepy, busy. I asked him point blank if he stopped loving me, is having an affair or is doing drugs and he became very angry. I insited for several days that he tell me what was wrong and he continued saying nothing was wrong and that I should just leave it alone. He says he does love me but there is no joy in his voice when I call and he even said he had nothing to talk to me about. I told him he owed me the truth and that no matter what it was, we could work it out. He told me to leave him alone and stop bothering him. He seems annoyed and angry. I don't know if it is because of my nagging or if something is really going on. The only other time he ever behaved this way was when he was abusing drugs. I asked if I should take out some savings money to go visit him and he said no because that is emergency money. What should I do?
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male
reader, iateadonut  +, writes (24 July 2011):
My wife and I are like this when one of us is in another country. At first we will call a lot, then not at all. It is very normal, for us at least.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2011): I understand your situation completely...Um...If I were you, I would just leave him alone, wouldn't call him or text him unless he does it first. He would start wondering what is happening and why you're not calling anymore. If he still loves you, he would for sure come your way...If you keep bothering him, nagging and asking him what's wrong, he would pull away even more. Or maybe he's really having some trouble...I heard that when a man is having problems, he needs to be on his own to solve things out...you need to give him more space...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): I really understand how you feel my husband is doing exactly the same, but he did tell me before that he had an affair
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): "As far as the immigration reason go, aren't you an American citizen? So he should have obtained a legal status for being in America. Or is he in some kind of legal trouble in his other country? Please clarify"Their are no legal troubles in his county and I am an American citizen. However, him leaving the country is part of the process for attaining his residentcy. We knew that from the get go but didn't want to be apart. However, since the politcal climate is turning scary, we decided he should leave now.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 July 2011):
 As far as the immigration reason go, aren't you an American citizen? So he should have obtained a legal status for being in America. Or is he in some kind of legal trouble in his other country? Please clarify.
Usually when a loved one leaves their other half, they call them when it's possible and show that they miss being away form. If he starts acting distant, then yes something is up. Whether it's because he's having an affair, abusing drugs, who knows??? You're here and he's there. There's no way to tell what exactly is going on.
You have very few options as to what to do. If you have any kind of contact with his relatives in that country, then I would ask them what exactly is it that he's doing over there. Or you can make a surprise visit..that is if you know where you're going over there.
If I were you I'd try to contact his relatives in that country first, just to express your concern and try to get to the bottom of what is going on. That doesn't work, then I'd go to Plan B which is a bit more extreme.
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