A
female
age
,
*donnat63
writes:I have been married to my husband for 27 years, and a few months ago I found out he was having a affair with a woman he met at a treatment facility. He is a Alcoholic and is Bipolar. This woman is also an Alcoholic and Addict. The first thing I did was yell, scream and cry, then I threw him out. After a few days I was begging him to come back. I didn't want to live without him. He lived with her for two months before he came back. I found out she had threw him out too, because she couldn't live with his drinking and crazy ways. He is still talking to her and wants to continue the relationship and apparently she does too.I love my husband very much and I realize he is very sick, but he is making me sick. My head is telling me one thing and my heart is telling me another. I know if he had cancer I would not walk away from him, and mental illness is a disease just like cancer. My friends and family tell me to kick him to the curb, but their not in my shoes. I married him for better or worse, til death, and I don't want to break those vows.Does anyone have any ideas about what I should do, or any treatment that may be available out there for him. I'm open to any advice.Thanks
View related questions:
affair, alcoholic Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): I was in the same situation for many years, my ex-husband was an alcoholic, on top of that he had hepatitis C, which effects the liver. At one point I had to think of myself and what I could deal with, I tried to help him but he would not give up the bars or the alchol. I had to leave, thinking he would change if he saw what he was giving up, it took him 5 days to find a new women, one that would let him drink as much as he wanted and partied right with him. They continued like that for 2 years until his liver finally gave out. He was lucky he got a new liver, but, the fear that he will go right back to drinking, is there. Think of yourself and do not let him drag you down with him, if you have tried everything you can then he does not want help.
A
female
reader, adonnat63 +, writes (31 December 2008):
adonnat63 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank you for you advice. I do know what I have to do, even though my heart tells me not to. He told me today that if he stayed at home either he would drink or he would continue talking to/or seeing her when ever he could. I know he is going to drink himself to death no matter where he is. The question is do I want to watch him do it? He also told me today that he wanted his cake, and eat it to. He wants to go do his do and when he get ready to come home, me just welcome him home like he did nothing wrong. This man has lost his mind.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (28 December 2008):
 He isn't making you sick. You are making you sick. Why should he give her up when he knows you will put up with anything because of your vows. Nothing will change because it doesn't have to. Simple as that. Its a no brainer.
And she kicked him out because he's an addict? I thought she was too? Sound like a match made in heaven to me!
You have probably forgotten what its like to be with a decent bloke that will help himself instead of wallowing in self pity and falling into a bottle everyday. No, you dont want to kick a man when he's down, but come on, how long do you put up with someone that refuses to change OR treat you with respect?
This is an all give and zero take relationship, and only you can make your life better. Because he certainly isn't interested in doing so. Its wake up and smell the coffee time surely?
C xxxxxx
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): I really respect you for wanting to help this fool.but he is treating you like trash and he doesnt care about your feelings.it seems you come second to this other woman.why not just divorce him because in ten years you will still be where you are living a miserable life trying to help a cheating alcoholic and addict
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): My advice to you is if he is still seeing this other woman, you need to divorce him and move on with your life. Make yourself happy instead of trying to please him and make him happy,obviously he doesnt respect and love you as much as you do him. do things for yourself and make your ownself happy.( Remember a person has to love themselves before they truly can love another)
...............................
|
