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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am with my boyfriend of 2 years. He has 3 children from two previous relationships. He has full custody of his 11 year old son and see's his sons full sister every other weekend along with thier half sister. He is a very loving, devoted dad and I have accepted his children and we are all very close as a family. 6 months ago my boyfriend and i decided to try for our own baby but when i fell pregnant he freaked out and didn't want it and got really nasty about it. A few weeks later he came round to the idea and we got back together but unfortunately i lost the baby. He then didn't want to start trying again for another couple of years but I wasn't happy about it as i felt after being a step mum to his kids and as he puts it - showing his kids more love than their own mother does, i felt he was being unfair at not letting me have our own child together. He did in the end come round and said he was being selfish, and after another 3 months i fell pregnant again. I am now 12 weeks pregnant and he had become distant and when i confronted him he said he didn't want the baby, his son also doesn't want a baby (we had touched on the subject with his son when i first found out i was pregnant and although i re assured him we wouldn't love him any less, he said he would be so jealous and got really distressed at the thought of me having a baby) and so my boyfriend has told me to get rid of it and find someone who wants my baby if im that desperate for one! I now don't know what to do. If i get rid of it i will never forgive him for letting me get pregnant and our relationship will end, if i keep it i am probably going to be a single mum and i don't want my baby without its mum and dad together, but i don't know if i can have a termination as i had one when i was 17 and I swore i wouldn't have another as it affects me to this day which he was fully aware of. I don't know what to do????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): i totaly understand how you are feeling at this time you may have already made your decision as its 2 weeks since you written this,my partner also didnt want me to have my baby im 14wks now , he told me if i didnt get rid he would leave but i knew i would regret it and hate him for it if i did ,ive decided to keep mine i didnt want to be a single parent either plus i didnt want to lose him,its a hard choice and no one should be forced into making a decision,do what is best for you its not bad being a single parent i have been there before aswell, you need to think ahead an think how you will feel if you terminate as you have had one before you will no, i also had one when i was younger but i dont regret it at all that was what was best for me at the time,follow your heart because deep down you will probly no what you want to do he may even come round you never no but dont build your hopes up coz he may not what ever you decide i wish you well ,make your own decision if hes any sort ov man he wnt turn his back on his child good luck xxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): B strong you can raise this baby on your own if you have to. never let anyone dictate any of your actions
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2007): First of all, getting pregnant is the responsibility of both people. There is no miracle transformations or way to change his mindset, dear. You could get couple counselling and have a professional make sense of this and try to help you both get back on track but it sounds like he likes to yank your chain and you allow it. Agreeing with you to have a baby and then backing down, is clearly not the sign of a loving, mature man. He's playing around with you and this child's future sense of attachment and security. That is unethical and unfair. Let's face it, you had sex with a man who told you he has no interest in becoming a father, to another child, after the fact. He may be a devoted to his 11 year old but he has now made it clear to you, he does not want to make the sacrifices of time, love and attention, to give another baby. A new baby needs security, love and a happy home. A man who truely loves a woman supports, loves and encourages her through times like this. He would want to build a future, a family with her. He's not doing this, is he? You are in a predicament here and a new baby's future is depending on you. And if you don't make a decison based on rationale instead of emotion..your baby will pay a high price. I think it's time for you to make some brave decisions and start a new course in your life, one which includes your baby, because I sense that's what you want. It will take some careful planning and some support from your family, friends, and some possibly some agencies out there, designed to help single Moms. But it can be done and you aren't the first single mom. You are right-ideally a baby born into a family where a mom and dad love each other is best But sometimes life throws us a 'curve' and we have to deal with it. In your case, he has made it clear a new baby is not welcome. He already has told you to leave, if you follow through. Take your baby and make a life of your own. You don't need him. Start now. My heart goes out to you, dear--you have some huge, heartfelt life choices to make. Good luck.
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