A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband is acting strange,and out of character, although in nice ways, making dinner, cleaning the house,and generally making unusual effort to spend time with me. He has even been suggesting we make love, (he usually says he's too tired!!)However, he is also making extra effort with his appearance, and leaving early/ coming home late from work with excuses that don't really ring true, or make sense.I may be paranoid, or cynical,and I really do love and want to trust him but its driving me wild... the thought he could be cheating. I always thought I would know if my husband was cheating on me, but, how would I know? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): Yeah...I would be suspicious...take a look at his cell phone records....text message records (incoming/outgoing times and numbers)...if he has an iphone, you can "ping" the location if you're on the account.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Based on my own experience I would say he is cheating (hopefully this hasn't reached the sexual stage yet).
Signs of him getting his ego flattered elsewhere but still in the flrty stage are
Taking care of appearance, late home, wanting to make love more, being overly helpful about the house-I found out later my partner decorated the kitchen because he was fantasising about brining his mistress home and wanted the house to look nice, look out for unusual use of mobile for texting too
Signs things have moved to sexual stage
Guilt sets in and he starts critisising you to justify in his head that you have driven him to it by being fat, tired, boring, only interested in career etc (none of which are true), more time on phone/internet, loses interest in sex, accuses you of being unfaithful, becomes suspicious of you because he knows if he can deceive you so easily you might also be doing the same.
Sounds like you have caught it before it has gone too far. Talk to him openly and ask him to be honest with you. He doesn't have the right to waste your life. If you feel suspicious it will be for a reason.
Good luck and remember you deserve to be treated with respect.
PS) I stayed with my partner and after two years of regaining trust we are happy so not the end of the world but you do need to face this and deal with whatever this is. He's cheating or you feel undervalued and insecure for some reason.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): from what you describe something is up. whether he is cheating or not, you need to find out.
how about jokingly tell him - i wonder who you are dressing up for.......or don't over strain yourself at work, too much extra curricular activity ........or tell him "i had a dream you were having an affair........tell him anything but make him aware that you are on to him.
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A
female
reader, Philosophyzer  +, writes (29 June 2010):
 Showing up at work might be a great, but dangerous way to spy. I suggest being sneaky. Hardly anyone commits a crime scotch free. Check his cell phone for mysterious texts, calls, or contacts. Perhaps accidentally check his e-mail. These aren't fool proof methods, but could possibly give you leads. Maybe try calling him while he is supposedly at work late. Granted he might ignore your call, but leaving him a voice mail, telling him how much you love and miss him and also how you can't wait to see him after such a long day, might make his guilt rise. It could be a perfect opportunity to observe his behavior.
If your suspicions continue, have a discussion with him. Woman's intuition, unfortunately in some cases, is usually correct...
Nevertheless, I'm sorry, dear. This is horrible! I hope it works for the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Can you turn up at his office when he is working late? I don't mean to sound like some crazy woman but maybe you could suggest you wanted to surprise him and thank him for all his efforts at home - maybe you book a meal out for you both. If his working late is real he will be where he says he is and will be really glad you recognise his efforts. If something is up.... he will be irritated or annoyed you 'just turned up' or - he might not be there at all. If you cannot face such a thing I think you need to keep a much more careful eye on things - unfortunately gut instincts are often right and 'guilt' (making up for things by suddenly being overly nice) can be a sign affairs are indeed happening.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Why don't u take it for what it is at the moment? Maybe he has thought about cheating but is really trying to make things work w u before he does.
Have sex with him - thank him for what you notice him doing. Be kind be thoughtful be considerate.All the things you should be doing except being suspicious.
Why don't women understand that men have needs too when it comes to feeling loved and appreciated and honored in the home.
If you still suspect after you try to do the same behaviors with him - then do some sleuthing.
But I wouldnt up front - good luck
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (29 June 2010):
 Perhaps you should just ask him.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (29 June 2010):
 Well.. honestly it does kinda sound like he's trying his guilt by being extra nice to you, and then asking you to make love to him because the side bit is just sex.
Worse yet, he could be getting more turned on because he has someone else to think of now in bed...
I realy, really hate to throw these hurtful suggestions out there, but that is what I think of :( Maybe I am just pesimistic. If there is any way you can follow him at work, you might want to. That is the only way I can think of to get proof.
I'm really sorry
~SY
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): You say he is helping around the house, trying to spend more time with you, and even "suggesting we make love" and still you are suspecting somethings up, you are probably correct. Why don't you try a little experiment, have sex with him once a day for a month, if anything is going on that will stop it, he wants to be with you, but due to your busy life is wondering if there may be something else out there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): It sounds like he COULD be cheating. Unfortunately, those are some of the signs. Most of the time, wives who suspect their husbands of cheating are correct in their suspicions.
You could start by doing something slyly innocent, like putting your arms around him and saying, "Dr. Phil had a show on today (actually, he did!) about infidelity. I felt so bad for the wife. I'm soooo glad our marriage is stronger than that."
Or, "There was a TV show on today about infidelity. I'm glad we would never do that to each other because I love you so much." Again, watch his reaction.
Can you show up at his office some night, unannounced, when he says he is working late, with dinner and flowers for him?
Unfortunately, a huge number of affairs happen in the workplace, and they are on the rise. There is no shortage of women who don't care if the man is married, and no shortage of men who will take advantage of free sex if they think their wife won't find out. No morals on either side.
Finally, has he always been reasonably trustworthy? You don't want to accuse a good faithful man of infidelity. Do some furtive sleuthing. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Christinaa +, writes (29 June 2010):
 Maybe at some point within the time he started acting different and the time before he either realized his undeniable love for you or he could be getting some action on the side.
But dont invade his privacy in less your most positive that hes cheating because how embarrassing would that be if your husband really wasnt cheating!
I think the best bet is to just talk to him about it and keep track of his actions
and maybe just for fun, a little spy action when he goes to work to make sure hes being good
i hope that helped :)
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