A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for almost 4 yrs with two kids 3and 2 yrs old. Me and my husband were lovers for almost 6 years before getting married. I discover him so many lies and betrayed when we are on our 6 yrs relatinoship, but because i love him i forgive and continue my relationship with him. Because everytime i catched him betraying he would deny, and beg that he can't leave without me. We reached to the point that he got Herpis and he accused me of having sex with other man because he got it, knowing i dont have herpis only him. Still i accept him. When i got pregnant, we are living together already, i discover under his bed a bag locked, i opened it and i discover a letter of the woman he got pregnant with before our relationship, i discover that he lied to me all the stories he told me about them. When i confronted him he told me, forget the past and we will face whats the present and i accept him. When we got married still things becomes worse, it reached to the point that we seldom see with each other because he has so many reasons to stay at work, i read text messages of a girl waiting for him, for them to go home together, thats why that night he did not come on my office to accompany me going home, knowing im pregnant and rain is so hard.All the scenarious really push me to think he has fishy things doing, but he keeps on lying because i cannot cath him on actual. I decided to go abroad because of financial reasons and for the hell life i have. I become paranoid to him, i feel i am not the person i am. I am so devastated. When i got abroad things become ok for us, we promised each other, set a plan have our goal. What im wondering we did not even have Sex even for the last night i stayed with him. When im abroad already, i arrive MArch 10, and i have my birthday MArch 23, and he forgot to greet me, he said his mobile did not alarm for the reminders. The following month i received a wrong send message to my mobile from him flirting with a girl. i confronted him and he lied its not a message for a girl for his Cousin, still i forgive and continue because i fight for our kids they are still small. and Again i received a wrong txt message from him to a girl ang the messages is too emotional that he love her very much etc etc. I confronted him and he told me, he was sleeping and he dont know u used his mobile, what a Stupid reason, i told him to leave the house and the kids to my sister and go away, he make so many dramas for me to accept him. then we become ok.. Until One incident happened. I give him my facebook password for him to have trust, and i have friends in my facebook with different nationalities. He read my sent items and he saw messages from a friend, very casual message, mentioning MR so and so.. etc. I was shocked when my sister suddenyl called me and told me i have an affair my husband come to her crying and told her i have a boyfriend, he discovered it on my facebook on sent items. I tried to retrieve my Fb account i cannot open it anymore, he changed the password, and called me and accused me, of course i cannot remember my messages anymore. He wants me to admit that i have had an affair by creating words on the messages on my face that i told the guy so and so etc... im confident that i dont have affair, im confident that i am not flirting even on my facebook friends and by Gods hely i retrieved my password, i checked my facebook and i discover he deleted my sent items, all the words he told me is only his creation for me to admit.. For this situation happend i decided to end our marriange, i cannot take it anymore that he is reversing me for him to be clean and me the one who betrays. Now he is begging for me to come back for the sake of the children but then still he is accusing me that i have a boyfirend, thats why i stand by my decision that i will not go back to him. i am so confused i dont know if i will still accept him knowing he lied to me so many times, he accused me of these things i never did so many times. PLease share your advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (7 February 2011):
He knows that you are pure,honest and clean and he is claiming that you are cheating on him because he wants to justify his infidelity,
LEAVE him once and for all because Going back to him is like going back to hell with your own foot ! Infact if you want to go back to him you should be aware that within a few years you might have serious health issues due to the mysery this evil man is putting you in
Life is full of better men..trust me
A
female
reader, amandab +, writes (6 February 2011):
the advice is to stay away, he is a lair and will always be one, he has cheated on you, you keep forgiving him. he will use the children but plaese ask yourself this do you wnat the children growing up thinking their fathers behaviour is right? do you really want them seeing you all confused and upset, hearing the arguments. it doesnt sound like it would be a happy time for any of you. he will say he will change, the answer to that is, go and get help then in 6 months (or what ever) you change then we will look at it again. dont forget they always want your help to change, if someone wants to change they want to change for themselves.
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