A
female
age
51-59,
*W2
writes:My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We have two children and have been together for 11 years. When we met he told me about a woman that he really loved and how breaking up with her hurt him. They broke up because she would not leave the East coast. We live on the West coast. We eventually got married and have a life. Our marriage has been rocky. I believe he think he is better then me because he has a Ph.D. He wanted me to go back to school but I was not interested. Four months ago he hired a private investigator to find this woman he loved. They had not talked in 14 years. He found her and she too has her doctorate and is successful. He got her pregnant. I know this because my husband started acting different. happy I guess I can say. I found out through his email and text messages about this woman. She is pregnant and I called her and confronted him at the same time. She told me to ask MY husband who she was. I confronted her about her pregnancy and she said to leave her alone and dont look for answers if I was not willing to accept the answers. My husband begged this woman not to abort this child. I have told him that I want him to leave her alone and have nothing to do with the baby. he can send money but that is it. He refuse. I told him it might not be his baby and he said it is and SHE wants to make sure there is a DNA test so her child will be acknowledge. His family knows about this woman and her pregnancy and so does his friends. Apparently he never stopped talking about her for all of these years. I told him I was not giving him a divorce and I was not giving up my life and he is not leaving either. He said that is the problem I dont love him I love our lifestyle. I told the kids that their father was leaving us and he got really pist. Now he refuse to talk to me at all. I confronted him about getting this woman pregnant on purposes and he refuse to answer. He told me to stop asking questions when I did not want the truth. I threatened to call HER again and he got really upset and told me to leave her alone. He said uur problems have nothing to do with her and to leave her alone. He is protecting her when he should be proctecting me. I dont know what to do. All of this has happened in four months. I told him I did not want him to be there for the baby birth and he said that is not going to happen. I need help. We went two years without talking. I am not interested in the things that he is interested in. I told him I will go back to school if that is what he wants. he tells me that that is something that I need to do for myself not him. I am not giving up my marriage. We have been seeing a counselor. I also want to quit my job and be a housewife, he does not agree. Why would he agree to go to counseling if he does not love me. I heard a conversation that he had with this woman and he wants to move her and the baby to the West coast to be closer to her and the baby. What is he doing why would he want to buy her a home and move her to our city? Help I dont believe he is going to leave me and our children.
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broke up, divorce, money, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 maybe he wants the best of both worlds and not just one. if you want to repair your marriage then you both need to communicate and sort this out..your home life can affect the kids and this is something they and you dont need to be dealing with. i hope you the best in what ever choice you choose and good luck hug aphex
A
female
reader, CW2 +, writes (14 June 2008):
CW2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. I do care if he is with another woman, but this could be a stupid phase he is going through. We have been through a lot over the years and he has not left yet. My husband said that he cant tell her what to do, but he is not the type to just go a get a woman pregnant that is why I confronted him about him about doing this on purpose and he would not respond.
Let me ask you guys this; we are on vacation for a week and he has not been able to call her at all. I have been with him the whole time. Doesnt this tell her that he must still love his family if we are on vacation and i know she does not know that we are. What is she going to do when she realizes that he cant call her everyday and talk to her like he do because he cant. Doesnt this tell her that he still loves his family and she does not have him wrapped around her finger and if he did call her it is only for a view minutes.
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A
female
reader, CW2 +, writes (14 June 2008):
CW2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. I do care if he is with another woman, but this could be a stupid phase he is going through. We have been through a lot over the years and he has not left yet. My husband said that he cant tell her what to do, but he is not the type to just go a get a woman pregnant that is why I confronted him about him about doing this on purpose and he would not respond.
Let me ask you guys this; we are on vacation for a week and he has not been able to call her at all. I have been with him the whole time. Doesnt this tell her that he must still love his family if we are on vacation and i know she does not know that we are. What is she going to do when she realizes that he cant call her everyday and talk to her like he do because he cant. Doesnt this tell her that he still loves his family and she does not have him wrapped around her finger and if he did call her it is only for a view minutes.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (14 June 2008):
im so sorry that you are in this position and its his fault! you need to do what is right for you and the kids. you cant make him stay or even love you, he can and will be able to get a divorce if he so chooses to get lawyers involved.. but your worth so much more than this and i bet their is someone out their who loves and wants to be with you and not another woman..i no its hard to see whats going on when your blinded by love we all go through it..but you need to do whats best for you and the children now and that is to give them and you a stable home. hug hug hug i hope the best for you ! aphexy
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 You are not happy and he is not happy... why would you stay there? Because of comfort? There are a lot of important things in life including the possibility to be and feel loved by someone else! Don't miss that chance, because, you want to accept it or not... he has moved on!
If you someday loved him, let him be free to be happy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Honey,I know you don't want to,but you need to leave him.
You're just gonna let him look for another woman?Do you not
care if he messes around.That's the signs you're giving.He obviously does not care about you and wants to be with another woman,so leave him.You haven't found the one for you yet.And soon after you leave him,you will.
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