A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi im 7 months pregnant with identical twins and have a 2 year old boy aswell i have just found out tht my husbund is cheating on me. And as been doing so for around 9 months. Im heart broken and i cant look at him or touch him he makes me feel sick and i dont want him touching my son. He threatens to bash down the door and scares me. He says she was just sex and that it was going to end. This pregnancy has been very hard due to me carry to and them not getting asmuch food etc my blood pressure is so high and im so scared upset and worried. plz plz i need some advice. I dont feel like i have any1 to talk to.Soon my two beautiful little girls are going to come and im not ready there going to be born in a war zone. I dont feel like i can do it anymore im so torn. I really need some help. The woman he slept with calls me telling me she loves him and he loves her. And saying she and him will be there for the babies and we should all try and get along for the babies sake I CANT! how dare she how dare he!If he wants her then he can go but is it out of order to say he cant see the babies if he is with her she cant see them. I HATE THEM FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. WHAT CAN I DO ????? plz helpPS he tells me he loves me and always has this cant be true can it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): I was in a very similar situation as you 20 years ago. It's a nightmare that still sours my stomach at times. I had toxemia and threw up many times a day when I was pregnant. My husband lost it, became abusive and brought in another another woman. My family refused to help me because I was married and had to deal with my own problems. My family is not the most loving one in the world to say the least. I had no where to go and no one to turn to. There were no abuse shelters in my area, but it I were in this situation today, I would take myself and my child to a shelter. They will help you get situated. I hope there is one in your area. They will keep both of them away from you until you are strong enough to deal with this situation and they will make sure you are fed, etc. have a place to sleep and people to talk to who care. Please don't stay in this situation. I had to and paid for it with a black depression that lasted almost two years. Please take care of yourself and your health.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 Talk to a lawyer, you got to know where you stand and it helps to have someone on your side who is trained to be objective.
If that goes to far for you seek out counseling just so you have someone to talk to who is on your side.
But really seek out legal advice most of all, these kind of things can get very messy and your husband and his mistress are in a far better position then you because they are not pregnant with twins. Not an expert but pregnancy itself is already emotional enough. You are not in any state to fight this battle, so get someone else to do it for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): I know you hate them and want nothing to do with them, but unfortunately under UK law your husband has a right to see his children and could, if he wanted, fight you in the courts for joint custody.
You need to calm down, because the courts will be looking only at what's in the best interests of the child. Who broke up the marriage, your hate of this other women, all these things are unimportant. They will only consider what's best for your children. You need to get some legal advice about what course your husband can take regarding access and custody.
Unfortunately the answers from the other aunts, although relevant in their countries, will be seen more harshly in the UK. You actually have to put aside thoughts of revenge and anger and show the courts that you will do everything you can to make your children happy, including allowing your husband (and if the time comes) and his partner to have a role in their life.
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 They both are being ridiculous.
I agree with what rhythmandblues said.
Put him out of the house and change the locks. Change your phone number and don't speak to him until after the babies are born.
You really don't need all this stress.
Get a restraining order on them both if you have to.
After the babies are born then try for some marital counseling to see what can be done.
Best wishes
xo
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 Wow, what nerve! Like rythymandblues says, you have to focus on you and your health right now. AGH! What a f@*# up distraction though! Going to your docter and explaining the situation would be a good thing to do as well. They actually have plans and ideas for ladies in your situation. My first pregnancy was rediculously stressful too, but, I realized that my baby was at risk, so I moved in with my mom, and surrounded myself with protection. This other girl is OUT OF HER MIND!!! For the baby's sake??? For the baby's sake, she needs to leave you alone! She has no rights to your kids what so ever! If she bothers you again, let her know you will be getting a restraining order on her. I didnt see where you're from, but if you are in the US, you can get one on him, too for threatning you. I am soooo sorry, Wish I could jump through the computer screen and kick some ass for you, seriously! Tell everyone whats going on, because you can use it later when you file divorce (which I hope you do) tell the docter, your friends, family, neighbors, ect. Most of all, take care of YOU. You need to nest, eat, rest, and take extra good care of yourself. As for your "ps", everyone has different ideas of love, it's a matter of finding the one that shares the same idea about it as you do. Obviously for the jackass, love means cheating, hurting, disrespecting and neglecting. So, could he have loved you all this time? Sure. In his view of the word.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): I am more concerned about you then about your marital woes, or your husband. First off, your first priority should be to take care of yourself first for the babies sake and for your own...you are risking your life and your pregnancy by having to put up with this nonsense.
First off, ask your husband to either move out now, or to stop seeing this woman immediately and to have her stop calling him and you. If he can't do that, get him out of the house until after the babies are born. Enlist the help of a parent or close friend to see you through the end of your pregnancy. All other issues surrounding your husband, his love for you, his cheating etc put on the back burner and concentrate on taking care of yourself...tell your doctor what you are going through and ask for advice on how to eliminate the stress, this is very dangerous for you to have to deal with right now.
After the babies come, then and only then make a decision about your marriage and what you want to do, you are in no position to make one right now. In the mean time don't speak to this woman, ask her to stop calling and if she does either don't answer or hang up on her, You don't owe her anything nor do you need to agree to get along with her. Take one step at a time, and for now just rid yourself of this drama, you don't need it.
Who knows why your husband cheated, it was a shit thing to do, and him saying he always has loved you is possibly true, but does he expect you to put up with this because of this declaration? He is scaring you and threatening you to bash in the door, call the police if this happens again if you have to, but tell him to stay away until he has decided to stop seeing her.....you have a right to your own peace and you have a right to expect the father of your child to either be there for you 100% or to leave you the hell alone for now.
I am very sorry that you are going through this, but it will work out in the end, just hold strong and put yourself first, you are what is important here, not him, not her.
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