A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i need some idea or any advice. my husband is very difficult or complicated man most of the time in anything but specially with food. im his second wife. he was separated to his 1st wife of course i dont know the reason. but i do know his ex wife, she seems ok in my eyes. my problem is, years ago when im still single i used to cook for friends and co worker. they always tell me i cooked not 100% perfect but at least they can say i am a good cook. that makes me courage to produce more and more food with feelings because i love the feelings that friends are happy to eat what i can make. i thought to my self i really can cook. but i was wrong when i got married. my husband never happy with my cooking, not a single thing. he said he had the same problem with his first wife, that she cannot cook too just like me. i try to let go so many times even it hurts really my feelings. but for that i lose my ability or courage to make a food. i go with the flow that we just rather go out and eat outside. i admit that my husband can cook but not that extravaganza or how ever we can call that.im trying my best to adjust for him and im still working on it. its just that its really hurting my feelings, its like insulting me. is anybody here can tell me how shall i deal with this situation or how shall i work on this? this is not an easy situation because i have to do this now all my life. please any advice. thanks a lot.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): I feel your pain. Before I got married I cooked for my family, boyfriends and friends. I always received praise from them for my cooking. My mother is from New Orleans and has passed on a lot of how she cooks. I know I am not a perfect chef by any means but I have to say that my cooking IS pretty decent.My husband is SO picky though. He would rather have fast food any day than real food. He hates onions, celery, green chilis actually the list goes on and on- so basically unless I deep fry everything and use only salt and pepper its no good. I try everything - when he has something he likes that my mom cook or his mom cooked I will make the exact same recipe. But it is never good enough.After working hard on a meal, he will sit down to dinner and pick through all of it, questioning ingredients before he even tries it! It is so discouraging and in a way mean. It's very defeating to put effort into something over and over again trying to do something good for someone just to have it rejected, again.Last night I had enough of it and actually lost my appetite I was so upset - I just got up and gave the food to the dogs since they'll at least eat it without complaining. At this point I am at the end of my rope- his behavior is so hurtful- it makes me feel like I cant take care of my family, like there is something wrong with me- I hate it. I guess what I will do is just stop cooking- he can eat hamburgers and fries every night if he likes- I just don't want to try anymore. I don't know what else to do.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 Well, I guess you just found out why he is divorced from his first wife.
Sorry girl, but this is a western forum, so you are not going to get any cooking tips here.
He don't like your cooking, then he can cook or pay to go out.
You on the other hand should ask yourself, are you really not that good a cook OR is he just seeking something with which to talk you down. Make you feel you are not good enough for him?
Some men do that, they want to hurt you and with that control you.
Even if you are not a good cook, it is not something you say to a person you love. Certainly not to the point that it becomes insulting and the persons feelings are hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): Uhm.. how about he cook for you? Cook together, make him show you what types of food he likes/how it is cooked. Tell him he has to help you out if he wants it changed.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 What exactly is it that you're doing wrong when you cook for your husband? I was once married to a guy that made me feel inadequate in the kitchen because he'd never tell me he liked anything I cooked, he'd just eat it and that was all. But sometimes he'd complain if I put onions, or green peppers or any kind of spice in the food, he'd complain or refuse to eat it. Mostly he only liked very bland food, and basically meat and potatoes. Later after we broke up, I realized that I was indeed a great cook, I just needed a man with more flexible taste buds. Maybe this is your problem too? Your husband needs to be specific if it's going to bitch about your cooking. Could be that you just prepare things he doesn't like. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): Reading your post I was very sad for you. It seems like your husband is not sensitive or caring of your feelings and makes you feel more like an employee in his household. You are is wife, not the maid or a professional chef. He should be grateful that you care enough to make an effort because many modern women don't. I think you need to be honest with him and tell him that his disregard for your feelings, after you spend time making a meal, is very insulting to you. You need to stand up for yourself!I think all women go through a transition from single life to married life, so do men but in a different way. Suddenly we turn into our mothers, washing and cooking, tending to the family. All these things are fine and good, but you should not ever lose your sense of self. You need to stand up for yourself when you feel you are being disrespected. It will get easier. With more practice you will do everything better. There are many recipes online (www.foodnetwork.com), also try www.youtube.com for instructions on technique and etc.But your problem is not simply learning how to cook better, the larger problem is that your husband acts in a way that hurts and offends you. To solve this you have to tell him what he is doing, why it is wrong and how you want to be treated.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (15 November 2009):
 If he doesnt like your cooking so much, tell him to cook his own, and while he is at it he can cook yours too while you go and do some gardening or reading or something.
Hey, and gues what, he is being insulting and unfeeling and downright rude.
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