A
female
age
41-50,
*elrla
writes:Dear Friends,Please guide me. I am alone in this country and have no friends to discuss my problems. my husband and i were in love and married 10 yers ago.. now we have a daughter of 4 years. My husband is annoying with me all the time. .. he doesn't like my input nor my interference nor guidence in any matter. most of the time he abuses me in front of our daughter . he already has beaten me five or six times in these years. He has no interest in sex with me at all . he never initiates for sex . once in a month if i initiate sex he just fufilsl it as a task but with no love no foreplay. Me and he both are earning and both work. He has never told me where he spends all our money . he takes all my salary every month and only give me pocket money . if sometimes i ask him to tell me how much money in total we have and where he is going to spend it he is so annoyed and starts shouting saying, 'how can you ask me about my account?' he told that all our money is spent on house expenses. he pays all that. and he says he can't tell me any details. he earns a handsome salary. he never initiates hugging me nor kiss me nor any love dialouge.Never wished me best wishes on my birthday nor anniversary . he sits all the time to watch tv or sit on computer He has no feelings for me at all.he like porn movies on pc but does not want sex with me. please guide me in all these matters, what am i to do? i am so upset.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (27 March 2011):
 Dear friend,
I am sorry that you're going through such a difficult time alone. I know that 10 years is a long time, but clearly this man don't have compassion or feelings for you.
What you describe is not a normal married life. Usually, couples share everything together, specially finance. Its very wrong that he puts his hands on you. I don't know about your country, but here in USA is illegal & you can go to jail for that
I understand you have a 4 year old child together & I feel sorry. You & your child deserve a loving man & father. Its sad that your child is so young & he argues & put his hands on you infront of your child. His behavior affects you & your kid forever.
Married people love, care, trust & respect each other. They share everything, communicate & have no secrecy. They go movies, dinner out, go to the park w/the kids. Make family time at home..
The solution to problems is to talk, but clearly your husband will never do that.
Question to you:
1) Do you still love him?
2) Are you willing to live the rest of your life this way?(I don't think he'll change)
If no?
1) Can you support yourself?
If you can support yourself, have him give you child support every month, then I think you should divorce or maybe move out.
You get to live life once & you deserve to be happy. (You & your child) Not only he's rude, cold, he takes ur money, worst he physically abuse you, watch porn infront of you, so he's disrespectful, that's too much!! No human being should, or deserve to live this way!!
I know you feel scare, alone, but be strong.. You deserve to be happy! Pls I don't want to make you more sad, but I am being honest with you. Please, whatever you decide don't upset him, I don't want him to lay his hands on you again.. Pls be careful.
Best luck to you!
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