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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 24 and my husband is 29. I promised to him that we would not have sex until we were married, as we are both virgins.Now he's saying that he doesn't want sex with me until we're in our early 60s - and I find it odd. He said to me that he meant this seriously, and wants to lose his virginity to me at 60.What should I do about the situation? I am worried about our relationship.Joanne from Irlam, Greater Manchester, UK
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): After reading your problem;
i think that he is genuinely scared. Sex is very intimate -maybe he feels scared he wont be able to perform.
Or maybe he has been bought up to think of sex as being dirty.
i think maybe you should go to couples therapy, talk through this problem and see if you can get over this and be happy.
x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): i really think you should break up with him.A person so young with no sexual appetite has a big problem.All that ''wait until we are 60'' is sooooo crazy!He is crazy.Unless you want to be 30 and suicidal...dump him!
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female
reader, trixy +, writes (14 November 2005):
I think you really need to have a heart to heart with your husband. Sex is an important part of a relationship, it makes you feel so close and loved and wanted. I feel he is hideing something from you, that you need to know! I really hope you talk to your husband as this is very importent,tell him what YOU want from this marrage. GOOD LUCK
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2005): I dont understand what that means, he does not want kids, You need to ask him if he do love you because at ages like that you guys suppose to have feelings to each other in such a way that you wish you can get married as soon as possible. Please tell him how do you feel about that you are a women imagine having a man for 30 years without having sex. I think sex is the nice thing for a man and women thats why people are dying of HIV, so how come he dont want to do it.
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female
reader, angelicdivauk  +, writes (8 November 2005):
 If Sex is a very important factor in your life and how it contributes to your relationships, then you have to have a long, serious discussion with him. If you cannot come up with a serious compromise then I dont believe it will work, there will always be this tension hanging over you. Good Luck, Hugs and Kisses xoxox
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female
reader, suggafoot08 +, writes (6 November 2005):
Ok, I am only 18 years old,but I think that this is totally crazy. Maybe your husband has something wrong w/ him,and he just dont feel comfortable w/ u knowing about it.? Regardless,the reason...i can see waiting till you are married,but not 60....thats just gross...you are both still young and need to have a family,unless you all dont want that..and you being a woman im pretty sure you do,i mean who wouldnt?
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female
reader, nej0538 +, writes (5 November 2005):
You might want to tell him that you need to have sex if you want kids. That means it has to happen before age 60, you know, the biological time clock.
Or maybe that's just it, he doesn't want kids or to use condoms, so he'll just wait until he's 60.
Either way, it's pretty crazy - you should tell him how you feel, and if he still thinks he wants to wait, you need to evaluate what you really need. Can you live a sexless, childless life? Just make up your mind and take it from there.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): and you think he is a virgin? lol, hes getting it somewhere else...
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 November 2005):
 What I can't understand is how you could get so deep into this relationship without realizing your husband is a nut case. He needs some serious counseling and you should be thumbing through the yellow pages for a divorce lawyer. Early 60's...sheesh
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): He also isn't impotent or homosexual either - and is still insisting that he doesn't want sex with me until we're in our early 60s and he says he means it genuinely.
What do I do?
Joanne from Irlam, Greater Manchester, UK
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female
reader, Mirabell +, writes (5 November 2005):
 There is always a problem if your husband does not want to consumate the relationship. There is a concrete reason that he is not telling you. You are married and in love, as two adults. Consider possibilities. He may have a madonna/whore complex and is scared to see you in a sexual way because he finds you so sweet. He may have an impotency problem. He also may be homosexual. These are possibilities you have to consider, hard as they may be. He is effectively saying that not only does he not want to be intimate and connected to you, but he also does not wish to have a family with you. I would try to find out the reason to save my marriage.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): This guy is not normal. At his age, he is a 1 % of men who are still virgins. Now he's talking about waiting to have sex until he's in his 60's? I think he doesn't want the responsibility of having children, one, and he obviously doesn't want to have a sexual relationship with you. Drop him and find a guy who is normal. Why start something with him? Where is it going to go? Does he have any idea how few the number of people are that live to be 60? We are not promoised tomorrow, so make the best of today. Get away from this jerk.
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female
reader, not again +, writes (5 November 2005):
yes, i can see why you are concerned. I think you two really need urgent marriage councelling. The major thing a couple must have in common in order to have a healthy, successful relationship is a coomon understanding of what they both want for their future- be it decisions on marriage, children etc. You obviously dont have a similar understanding when it comes to sex- and nor should you!! I mean who waits to sixty? I find it very hard to believ actually as I find it so unusual.
Sex is one of the most pleasant and fun and necessary things a couple can share, i am worried for you that you may have to miss out on this.
This situation is one reason why I am not pro waiting fior marriage to have intercourse, but I respect your wishes to do so.
I ahve a question, do you think that your husband saying this is a power game in any way? it is just a suggestion.
I wish you all the best for what is going to be a difficult time for you i think- because unless he changes his mind then you are weither going to be in a marriage where you are subservient to his (lack of ) sexual desire and you may get reentful, or you find amarriage in which a healthy sex life is accepted and celebrated. Life is not a dress rehearsal...
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