| A
age
41-50,
*
writes: My feelings and words may be confused.I Have been married for 7 years. my hubby use to be loving towards me and sex and romance was the best.Now he has lost his sex attraction for me.The problem with him is he says he still loves me, the problem is with my body and presentation..He says the sex was good in the begining years because he was sexualy good..but I had no sex drive and didn't improve myself ..i feel he is right..i'm simple and somewhat shy but he is sex hungry and bold.But now it is worseHe doesn't look at me with desire.Even if he wants sex but doesn't seem aroused around me.We live together. What are things I can do to look better and seem more appealing to him? He is 12 inches taller than me.I know I should improve my postureAm I focusing on all the wrong things to think it is all about improving my physical body? Are there other things I should be considering to improve things?I know my hubby works and has responsible duties but I want our marital relations to improve. I want our life time and our relationship and our happines to improve. How?
View related questions:
sex drive, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): hi I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, but I think that this problem is more within your control to create a change, than his.
You have some degree of control over your physical appearance and "presentation", which are things that can potentially arouse his desire. But your husband has over his instinctive feelings of attraction. (just as YOU have no control over what YOU would feel as attractive or non-attractive.)
You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone that you just aren't.
But you can consciously change the way you dress, or lose weight, and so on.
So my advice is that between you and your husband, you are the only one who can do anything about his lack of attraction to you. Your husband can't change the way he feels, if that's just how he feels.
if you are willing to try to change yourself to make him more interested, then by all means go for it.
if you don't want to or can't change yourself to where he feels attracted, then maybe you should think seriously about ending this marriage so you can both be free to find new spouses who will be attracted to you the way you are (and he can find someone he feels attracted to naturally), rather than forcing an unnatural situation or living with the resultant permanent dissatisfaction. Or else lower your expectations for your marriage so you can live with it.
A
male
reader, SonOfMan  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 I think there are a number of ways you can improve.
I may not be qualified to answer all of them due to experience but the first thing which comes to my mind is self confidence.
You need to find it.
You need to be happy with yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. If you think you lack in any of those then you need to work on it.
Personally, I like a woman who is confident, strong, passionate and outgoing. She needs to take care of herself and have self worth, instead of letting herself go and not caring.
We all go through phases in life where more important things come first and we put our ourselves second. This is very admirable but you need to balance everything for the sake of your own confidence and to be able to please your partner.
Maybe try a new routine which will engage his interest, like working out, being more aware of self image and trying to improve it. I'm not saying obsess about it but just making an effort to improve and make yourself happy for your own confidence. This will then be noticed by your partner and should lead to more interest in the relationship.
You sound like you still love him and want to try. This is great as it means you should have the drive to change and try new things. Think about it as a new journey for the both of you and you are leading the way.
You're right, it doesn't have to be all about physical appearances. You need to change your mindset and think about how things used to be. What attracted you to him? How you used to behave back then? Remembering these points can sometimes bring back those feelings and bring back those feelings.
Improving physically also has an effect on the mental state. If you start working out you will feel better, look great and have more confidence. This will reflect in your everyday life and make you more desirable. You need to approach it with the right mind set, which is about being better, continuing to improve the relationship and being happy with yourself and your partner.
If you need more specific answers don't hesitate to be in touch.
...............................
|
