A
female
age
41-50,
*hean
writes:My husband left me with another woman.were married for 10 yrs.and we have 2 kids.it's was hurt for me specially to my kids,he visit my kids sometimes but the problem is every time my husband is with our kids his mistress keeps on calling in calling.that's the reason my husband starts treating me badly.he keeps telling me that he doesn't love me anymore and were done.please i need some advice to my problem....
View related questions:
mistress Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): I'm sorry you are going through this .. I know it must be painful. I agree with the other posters, including yes getting a good book to help give you some pointers in this difficult situation and also setting ground rules about calling and how he must behave when he is at your place. He doesn't need to keep telling you he doesn't love you etc .. that is just spiteful and unnecessary and love doesn't just die all of a sudden but nonetheless maybe he is in the honeymoon/thinks the grass is greener phase of another woman - but it probably won't last! Re her calling, she sounds insecure and worried indeed! Why does she need to call him when he visits his kids. It is true that this is his problem and he needs to sort it out. It is not very nice for the children to think that they can't spend a little bit of quality time with their father without someone calling him all the time. She already has their dad in her life and he has left for her which must hurt them terribly and I think you should insist that your husband and this woman show some respect and consideration towards these children as they are innocent in all of this and I really think your husband and his mistress both have a lot of growing up to do. In the real world, children do feel hurt by this kind of thing. He can discreetly send a text to let her know when he is on his way back and leave it at that! If he wants to spend time with his children he needs to behave respectfully and his mistress needs to also respect this. Don't put up with her calling your home, or calling him whilst he is with your children. It is unacceptable. I hope you are happy again soon and find someone better who doesn't cheat and who is too weak to lay some ground rules with his mistress ... it all sounds very messy like neither of them has any grounding or control over themselves. His focus should be his children's emotional wellbeing and if his mistress can't leave him alone for a few hours whilst he sees his children then something is already seriously wrong with their relationship. If I understand you correctly, she harangues him on the phone whilst he is with his kids and he then insults you as if this in some way proves to her, at the other end of the phone, that he is still not romantically involved with you. Does she not realise that she is with a man who cheats and lies .. so he could say anything just to shut her up! You shouldn't be his punchbag bearing the brunt of her insecurities and his weakness. Oh my dear God these sort of posts make me fume. Don't take any nonsense of either of them - they sound like they deserve each other (sorry i know it's painful ... been in similar situation myself years ago ... Your kids are important and your husband and this woman need to respect that and act accordingly. Good luck. x
A
female
reader, Shean +, writes (17 February 2010):
Shean is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your advice coz until now i dont how to deal with my situation..
...............................
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (17 February 2010):
You must must get this book called "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson. Its available second hand on Amazon.com for less than $5 including shipping. Or just go to amazon and read an excerpt and what others thought of it. I know you have been through a tough time but you can come through it.
As for the other woman, she is obviously insecure and is afraid that he may change his mind and go back to his family. Just ignore her; if you stop him from taking her calls then you will appear jealous and clingy. Read that book for tips on how to behave. All the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 February 2010):
It's not your problem that his mistress continues to call. It's his problem. I would have a rule if he is in your house with your kids that if she rings more than once he has to leave. Don't be treated badly either. When he treats you badly, tell him to leave. You need to be very tough with him. The moment he makes a mistake, takes more than one phone call, treats you badly, then get him to leave. If he doesn't, tell him you will get the police. The marriage is over if he is acting like this, and you now need to be tough for yourself and your children.
...............................
|
