A
female
age
,
*ock chick
writes:Today my partner packed an overnight bag and went off to "think". He says things between us aren't looking good but we could still stay together.He wont make love to me as he says it isn't appropriate at the moment.He also keeps singing REO speedwagons song, "I cant fight this feeling......"He did have an a affair 6 months ago and these were the things he did then too, but after going off to "think" things through, he decided i was the one he wanted to be with.He keeps saying he loves me, but has still gone off somewhere and told me not to contact him and if i do he won't answer anyway.His phone is always on silent here and he is always texting others, and i did see he had lots of text messages off a girl he works with and he sent her one back which had kisses init.the woman he had a fling with has moved hundreds of miles away (so he says) but he has told me she sent him a message 6 weeks ago to tell him where she had gone, just incase he changed his mind.It's not looking good is it? He loves me, but doesnt want to be with me at the moment..but we could pull through (so he says)I don't deserve this- but he is saying it's because of my uncontrolled jealousy that we wont work out.He is also saying he has just spent alot of money of gifts for me and I am being very ungrateful - all i want is his attention and love, not his gifts.Would a young very pretty girl have an affair with her "boss" who is not pretty, not fit looking,not young, and pretty big headed? If so, why would she?
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female
reader, Rock chick +, writes (15 May 2007):
Rock chick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all your advice.
I am just waiting to go now - i don;t want to be with him anymore and the future looks much brighter without him in the picture
today i am seeing a solicitor as he wants me to move out for awhile before i am settled
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): You should go with your gut feelings about the situation. Gut insticts are usually right even if you cannot make logical sense of the situation. It seems to me you write a lot about 'him' here, about what he says and what he wants. What about YOU and what YOU want? If you want to stay with him there is every chance he will do the same thing again. He does sound rather immature and he certainly does not take your feelings into account, so it is up to you to look after yourself. If you are undecided about whether to stay with him or not, why not take some time out yourself to think about what you want. If you decide to stay you really need to try and put the past behind you and discuss what you both want from the relationship. If you decide not to stay with him it might not be easy to make the break but also it might not be as difficult as you might imagine. Ask yourself this question: "If I stay in this relationship, will I be happy?" If not, and you do not think the situation will improve in the future, be brave and make the break. You deserve so much better than this. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 May 2007):
 You go girl! You will find a decent loving man and live happily ever after..believe it!
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A
female
reader, Rock chick +, writes (7 May 2007):
Rock chick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies. They are all excellent.The reason we wont work, is because he says he feels that now (he had his tyres vandalised a few months ago) it was me who did that and that i have access to his mobile via my computer - I don't but i wish i did. so he doesn't trust me at all, Anyway, it looks like it is over - he says we are bad for each other. I did want him to say it would all be ok and he wanted me, but he hasn't and i now feel positive now I am going to be moving on
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (7 May 2007):
 "He is saying it's because of my uncontrolled jealousy that we wont work out."
Ouch! That is really not OK. He had an affair... because of that you have EVERY reason to be jealous and suspicious. Your jealousy in this situation is 100% his fault, no question. For him to put that back onto you is unacceptable. He needs to accept responsibility for that, and you have every right to insist that he does.
As for the other signs... I'm afraid to say that it doesn't look very good. A lot of the things you say are typical signs of an affair. Young girls have affairs with their bosses because they are attracted to the 'power' mainly. The whole situation does add up.
I suggest you first decide what you want: whether you are willing to take him back if it turns out he's still being unfaithful. If not, then send him a message saying you're leaving him.
If you will take him back, then think very carefully about your terms and make them clear to him. In particular, insist that he makes amends for what he has done: that means giving you extra attention and loyalty, and demonstrating that he is now trustworthy. No phones on silent, no text messages with kisses, no going anywhere without you knowing where he is. He's on parole. It's the very least he can do.
One thing you might want to consider is contacting him and telling him you are leaving anyway. It might shock him into realizing what he is doing. It also might break the sense of power he has over you: he likely feels that everything is under control because it is 'his decision to stay or go'. If you take the initiative then that takes his power away, and in so doing might humble him enough for him to re-assess his priorities. It's a risky thing to do for sure, but it might work. Only you can judge, based on the situation now and how willing you are to accept that the relationship may truly be over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): i like your honestly and open-mindedness. it appears to me that he had/is having an affair with someone. if you think it's some young girl from his office who has now moved away, than it probalby is. i hate him and i hate her for you. i think he is facing himself right now and unfortunatley considering his options.
don't get ready to pack your bags yet. there may be an acceptable ending to this bad time. i see three possibilities upon his return: he will come back and tell you he's moving on, he will come back and pretend nothing happened, or he will come back and tell you how he messed up but decided to be with you. i would not settle for anything less than the third option. he has had enough chances/time. if he's not man enough to face this problem now, than he never will be.
don't spend another minute dwelling on her and the gifts. with the gifts, he is trying to relieve his guilt and hopes that you will buy into it. somewhere in his idiot head he knows better.
and do not, do not for a second blame yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2007): you know the answer deepdown in your heart.you know what you have to do.how dare he behave in this way?hes already done the dirty on you before.what if you needed to contact him in an emergency???no respect then and no respect now!what are you waiting for exactly?how many more times are you going to tolerate his indecision?who does he think he is telling you not to contact him/he could be with her right now?hes done it before and hes doing it now.get shot of this disgusting man.the crap about the gifts is just his way of blaming you thats what men who have affairs mostly do they have to find a scapegoat.so what if any of it was true.do you still deserve to be ignored?no no no.get rid.use this time to organise your new life.
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