A
female
age
36-40,
*weettea
writes:My husband has fantasies of sexual experiences he had with ex girlfriends, when he is pleasuring himself. He says that every guy does. I have a problem with this. I have fantasies too, but mine are geared towards things that I know would turn him on. I want to be the goddess, queen supreme of his fantasies, and I'm not. I found out about this a year ago and I keep bringing it up, but he gets angry every time I do. I don't know how to let it go or even if I should let it go. I would love to hear what you think.
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female
reader, sweettea +, writes (3 November 2010):
sweettea is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again to both of you for your replies! I feel better about the situation after hearing your advice.
A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (2 November 2010):
With you response I would say that I think I would react pretty badly if my partner had photos of their exe's and used them to masturbate to. I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to ask for him to get rid of them - if it makes you feel more secure and happier. I don't think he should object either. Porn of women he doesn't know is one thing, but maybe this is a step too far. I guess you need to gauge if you think him thinking about his ex's is unusual. I mean, there is one thing between a "passing thought" and being obsessive by thinking about them all the time. The first is is more normal, but the later, maybe it suggests that he needs to move on from those experiences and concentrate with being with you and in the present.
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A
female
reader, sweettea +, writes (2 November 2010):
sweettea is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who replied. I found pictures of my husbands ex girlfriends on his computer account that is usually locked by a password. That day it wasn't for some reason and I got nosey. They were all pictures that he had copied off their myspaces, some were provocative and some not. I asked him about it and he said the pictures were a part of his "spank bank". So that's how I found out about him fantasizing about his past girlfriends. I don't mind him watching porn, because he doesn't know those chicks. Him thinking about experiences he has had with girls he has loved before is a different story. It just seems to me that if two people are in love, then whatever happened with an ex in the past doesn't matter anymore.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (2 November 2010):
I think it's probably more common than you think. Why did you even find out about this? If he told you specifically then he was being really out of line.. if you kept on probing him then consider this a lesson learnt that sometimes it is best not to ask too many questions.
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