A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my husband since I was 14 years old and we've actually been married for 13 years. We have one child together. I just feel that the treatment I have to put up with is not right. I feel my husband emotionally abuses me and he apologises, but the damage is done. Like tonight, he said so many hurtful things to me. I was upset with him because after work he went out to a bar... again. I am sick and tired of him going out and getting drunk every night. I have to wait for him to get home to leave the house to do anything and he isn't considerate of this fact at all. Tonight he told me all I do is cause problems and cost him money. He said it would be cheaper for him to just pay me child support and for me to move out and go get on housing! He later said he did not mean any of it, but was upset that I called him an alcoholic. He said he is a grown man and he'll drink if he wants too. I am not a prude against drinking, but I know he has a problem. He is cruel after he has been drinking. The way he treats me and his child is just horrible. Its makes us feel miserable. He is on certain medications for a mental disorder that he clearly should not be drinking on. He has done things to me while drunk that are so out of character for him. I cannot even say here some of the things he has done,but it causes me to not always say anything when he stays out until 4 am because I am afraid of how he'll react. And after he has done something really cruel he will either deny he even did it or get mad at me for bringing it up. I have thought of leaving him, but I really do not have any other place to go and I have a child. Our son truly hates his father now and I fear that if I don't do something to stop things from being so bad, my son will resent me for it later in life. My mother was my only family and she just recently passed away. So, when I say we have no where else to to and no where to turn, I mean it. Any advice would be appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): I am sorry for your recent loss. I feel sure you know that the way he treats you is emotional abuse (and it sounds physical). I was interested in your post because I met my husband at age 14 and we have been married 16 years. Recently, my husband shouted at me that I just cost him money. He laughs at what he says to me later and says he does not mean the things but he has said awful things to me for years so I know precisely where you are coming from and they don't fade its just new layers one on top of the next. However my husband does not drink but is very selfish - going off for weekends with the car and leaving me stranded. We do not have children but that is where I think we differ. My self esteem is on the floor right now and so is yours but you have someone worth fighting for - worth getting out for over and above yourself. We both need to leave this abuse behind. I am childless because I could not bring a child into this situation and that in itself has hurt me - now I am 38. Treasure what you have with your son and use this to give you strength. I don't know about in the US but here we have shelters and safe places for women to go - until they can get back on their feet. There is no shame in leaving for a place like that - there is shame in staying and being abused. He cannot go on like this - it is cruelty. For the sake of your child make a plan to leave. Each day that you move closer to your goal you will have strength. If you cannot leave for a shelter then perhaps you can hide away a little money each week, making savings on groceries etc, so that say in 6 months you will have enough to put down on a rent. You need to think very hard and be practical - there is always a way. By having the practical things in place it will make the leaving easier. I wish us both luck. Home should be a happy safe place.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): He sounds like the last kind of person you want around your child, and your son deserves a better life, which he can only get by living without his dad, in this case. If you want to put up with his abuse because you think you love him enough to do so, go ahead, but don't let your child have the same treatment. Yes, there's a way out..go through social services and take the price breaks they give to single mothers on apartments or housing. Take him to court for child support and it will help with your payments. That's the only way he'll find motivation to quit drinking, because alcoholics are scumbags who care nothing about the family they destroy. The reason he tells you to do these same things is trick psychology..he thinks that by telling you to do it, he's daring you and you'll be scared to.. That's just part of the manipulation which comes from abusive bastards. There's always a way out, so start walking, because "I love him" and "I have no way out" are sure ways to get your son killed one day, when he decides to go on a rampage, after crossing meds with his alcohol continually. If you think you can reason with the retard, you never will. But if you want your son to take the fall for your stupidity by sticking around, and you want him to be another statistic of alcohol abuse, go ahead. Then you'll only be an accomplice to what abuse your son goes through. Would you rather struggle with the alcoholic abuser, or without him. NO it's NOT a tough decision, and yes, after all the truth to my answer, please feel free to rate it as poor, since I don't care at all what people who don't like the truth rate my advice as, and I have no use or respect for people who raise their children around asshole abusers and alcoholic rage.
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