A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone out there help me please!Hi this may be a long one and I apologise for that, I am a married woman with two daughters who are now grown up, they are my whole world and I love them so much. I love my husband to bits and have stood by him through thick and thin like us women do.He has been suffering with depression for about 3 years now and believe me I have been patient helped him, listened to him etc etc.He has got better but not totally, he cannot get an erection so sex is nil, that use to bother me but for the past 6 months I think I have forgotten what sex is like ha ha ha !Well he gets so moody and angry with himself and has started to get bursts of violence not on me but things in the home and I just don't seem to be making him see what he is doing to himself and how it is affecting me, He tells me that I am being selfish when I stress how I feel and tells me that it should be about how he feels not about how I feel, this really upsets me and it then makes me feel guilty because he is the one depressed, Am I selfish ??I have only ever slept with my husband and I am proud of that, we have discussed our current sex life and I have always been sensitive. He went to the doctors but they have put it down to depression, I honestly understand that it must be hard for him as this is his manhood and he feels embarassed, I have told him not to be but he brushes it to one side, I have told him I have my needs and that there are other things he could do but he just wont listen to me, again I am being selfish, trust me I have talked and been open honest and shown him empathy so what do I do now.Thank you for listening and I am happy for any advice
View related questions:
depressed, erection, married woman, sex life, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, marie bradbury +, writes (3 October 2008):
i think i no what it is like i hope i am 28 just my husband has sufferd with deprestion all his life but i found out when my second child was born when she was 4 mounths old
It was very hard for me i had a 2 year old and a four mouth old he went on meds but he refused to take now we have a new adetion joseph who is 8 weeks and iv noticed he is depresed again what do i do sometimes i feel i ndont love him. he can b no sorry he is so selfels iv had no help im moved from my family for him and his job and apart from the friends iv made i have nobody he still refuses his tabletsb and to see a doctuer what bdo i do please help me
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): i am not married yet but it supposed to be my married in a week that is our schedule, but now my fiancee has a problem of depression he has this not so long it was only 2 months ago' and i tell you its very, very hard. i love him too' but postponing our wedding in one week because of this depression is totally killing me, i am now also suffering of this. i tried all my best to understand him' but the time goes by' one week is coming now to 6 days and the more its coming the more im getting hurt. i do believe that just to be with them and try to understand him is the only way we can help them in other hand in my case i cant help it to think' why me? why me now in this time that i am going to be married in 1 week and its postpone because of depression. this is really hurting so much. and i can imagine how hard you are suffering now not only you love him you also wanna save the family. i must say you are strong. very, very strong woman. i wish i will be strong as you are. thanks too for sharing.. gladyz
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): i am not married yet but it supposed to be my married in a week that is our schedule, but now my fiancee has a problem of depression he has this not so long it was only 2 months ago' and i tell you its very, very hard. i love him too' but postponing our wedding in one week because of this depression is totally killing me, i am now also suffering of this. i tried all my best to understand him' but the time goes by' one week is coming now to 6 days and the more its coming the more im getting hurt. i do believe that just to be with them and try to understand him is the only way we can help them in other hand in my case i cant help it to think' why me? why me now in this time that i am going to be married in 1 week and its postpone because of depression. this is really hurting so much. and i can imagine how hard you are suffering now not only you love him you also wanna save the family. i must say you are strong. very, very strong woman. i wish i will be strong as you are. thanks too for sharing.. gladyz
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): I relate to everyone here too. It really is difficult and I hope it helps you to know that there are so many of us out here, with similar experiences...For most of my 5 year marriage, my husband has been battling depression. Meds have helped a bit, but not so much. Therapy - useless as he never did what the docs suggested. Exercise - no time, especially because he has sleep issues. I, too, am at the end of my rope. We have two little children...I want to be a loving, supportive partner, but he is unable to communicate anything. He is miserable, lifeless, sleepy and unattractive to me in every way. I wish we had a strong bond, but the depression and impact has been going on for most of our marriage.So, my advice is... if you have a strong bond already, use that as your holding ground. Stay strong in your faith that nothing can break your bond together. Stay busy with other things, outside the marriage (friends, hobbies) that keep you happy and just be there to help him through this.Take good care.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): My husband has been battling depression as well. He has said the same types of things to me about being selfish. What I have come to realize is that he is in his own world and there is not much I can do to help him. You can let him know you are there for him, but there is not much else you can do for him. You have a right to want and need things from him. However, he is incapable to be there for you right now because he cannot even be there for himself. It is a very hard, frustrating and sad position to be in. You have to help you right now. I'm sorry if I wasn't much help. I am in a very similar position right now. ~LNV~
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): My husband has been battling depression as well. He has said the same types of things to me about being selfish. What I have come to realize is that he is in his own world and there is not much I can do to help him. You can let him know you are there for him, but there is not much else you can do for him. You have a right to want and need things from him. However, he is incapable to be there for you right now because he cannot even be there for himself. It is a very hard, frustrating and sad position to be in. You have to help you right now. I'm sorry if I wasn't much help. I am in a very similar position right now. ~LNV~
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): Do not underestimate depression and I urge you to read up on the subject. Sex life is one of the immediate things that are affected. A depressed person needs support and gentle coaxing. I strongly recommend exercise as it really lifts the mood and is good for you... even if its just going for a long walk in the countryside or around a lovely park. There are some useful leaflets on the 'Mind' website for mental health.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): Your very welcome ;)
~Mabus~
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): Thankyou Mabus,That is well sweet of you I feel better for hearing that especially from a male thankyou so much for taking the time to read and answer this message I dont know how to do a follow up hope this is correct and you get to read thisOnce again a big THANKYOU.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): A relationship is made up of 2 people with needs and desires of there own its not selfish of you at all to have needs of your own even when he is going thru this.. Think what will make you happy, try to do it yourself dont be stuck in stagnation. Goodluck ~Mabus~
...............................
|
