A
female
age
36-40,
*rokenlady
writes:Well I have been so upset since 2am this morning. My husbands phone rang and I checked it because he was sleeping and it was an email from a girl at a sex hookup sight. I read it and looked at the pics she sent and started crying. I'm so broken. I continued looking through emails and found he has been meeting women for sex. We have 2 children and have been married 5 years. I thought happily. We've had ups and downs and I have had some serious female problems the last year that has caused our sex life to suffer. I am getting the surgery to fix the problem in January. We still have occasional sex but it's very painful and not pleasurable at all like it used to be. I just try to act ok and if he sees I hurt he stops. I know there are other ways to give pleasure but it's like he doesn't want that. Maybe it's because he's getting it elsewhere? Am I wrong for being hurt? I don't wanna leave him, I love him. Should I confront him with what I've found?
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female
reader, Brokenlady +, writes (8 November 2014):
Brokenlady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice and well wishes everyone. I'm taking everything that you all said into serious consideration. I've not confronted him yet but I think that I am going to Monday while we're both off and kids are at school. I'm going to have all my evidence together so he can't deny the truth. I love him but also now realize that this isn't what I deserve. I'm just gonna say what I have to say and see what he has to say for himself. Once again thank you all for helping me see the truth and making me see also that it's not all my fault. I will keep y'all updated on what happens after I confront him. Well wishes to you all and enjoy your weekend!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2014): you have every right to be hurt! And he is an ass for not understanding how things are for you.
Yes confront him !! if you hold it in , it will just start to make you depressed . So confront him and see what you want to do. TBF I feel you should leave him but I dont know your position.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (8 November 2014):
 This sounds selfish. Confront him definitely. Give him the chance to come clean. Ask is there anything u want to tell me?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2014): I am so sorry you are going through something so horrible. Big hugs. Do not feel alone. We can all empathize but many of us cannot imagine the hurt and pain you are feeling at this kind of betrayal. I am sure it just eats you up inside and makes you feel terrible about yourself. There is nothing worse than finding out the man you love is having sex with other women. It is the most selfish, cowardly, thoughtless, uncaring act of all.
Don't feel like this is your fault in any way, shape or form. OK? That is the first thing. It is NOT your fault. Your husband decided to go out and cheat. It is HIS FAULT. To get his sexual needs met. That is all. It has nothing to do with how attractive you are or how great a person you are. In fact none of those women are better than you are. They are all just desperate, worthless skanks out to screw a married guy without FEELINGS? How disgusting! You have not failed! He had FAILED YOU AND YOUR MARRIAGE! He does not deserve you. You are too good for him.
Even in your circumstances, it is not right for a man to cheat outside his marriage for sex. He has broken all his vows and all your trust in him. I do not think that this can be salvaged. I know you still love him and I understand that. Believe me, I do. But if he loved you, truly loved you, he would not do this to you. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a cheater? Always worrying? Wondering when he is going to cheat again? Because once you confront him, he is going to swear he will change, swear it meant nothing, swear it will never happen again. On and on... But that is all lies. A man like that will never change. His desire to have sex with other women will always be present. And it will resurface. It is just a matter of time. So, I would not even bother doing any of the work.. counselling etc. It is just too late.
You need to get away from him to feel whole again. Being around him will only hurt you more. Your heart has already been broken. Now it needs to be handled with care and needs to heal. He is only going to feed you lies, false promises to keep you there. Why would he want to lose his security blanket? His comfort zone? He was having the best of both worlds. A wife to take care of him and a bunch of skanks to screw him. But it does not work that way.
Get your things packed. Get all your ducks in a row. Leave to go stay with your family. And on the kitchen counter, leave a little parting gift of all the evidence.... right there in front of him with a note saying "Have a nice life." It really is that simple.
Trust me, it will hard and you will hurt badly. But you will get through it and come out stronger and someday meet a man who would never do something this horrible to you!
If it were me, I could not look at him in the face again without being disgusted, repulsed, turned off, furious... and these are not feelings I could ever get over. Knowing he did the nasty with strange women would pretty much kill all the love I ever had in an instant.
I would be too good for that and so are you!
Yes he will regret it but he should have thought about that before he pulled down his pants!
I hope you are okay. :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 November 2014):
 Yes, you should confront him. It's NOT your fault that he CHOSE to cheat. Yes lack of intimacy may have made him feel it was OK, but that doesn't really MAKE it OK.
YOU need to figure out what you NEED from in in order to stay and work it out. What if? HE doesn't really want to stay, then what? Are you ready for that? Either way, I'd suggest (even if it's a little underhanded) that you forward all those e-mails to your own e-mail - print them out and confront him, HE can not argue with that kind of "evidence".
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 November 2014):
 Yes, you should confront him and let him know that what he's doing will eventually lead to divorce. That includes hiding his tracks and shutting down conversation. Maybe he's not understanding what your health problem is and is mourning for the loss of sex and worrying that happy times are coming to an end. He could also be ignorant about feminine health and just thinking about himself, his virility and desirability to women. I hope you recover soon and I am guessing it's something like an ovarian cyst. Tell him you understand the frustration of the lack of sex but when he's contacting women behind your back it's hurting you in unimaginable ways when he's supposed to be supportive, to be side by side through thick and thin. This is also a time to renew your marriage vows.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2014): I'm so sorry you are going through this.
YES you have a right to be hurt. In my relationship, this would be immediate grounds for divorce. I personally wouldn't bother trying to save this relationship when my husband had the capacity and lack of care to do this. If you want to save your marriage, seek counseling.
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