A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can you help. My husband has beaten me up. What happened was I had affair with his brother and got pregnant. We tried to work through it but my husband had a mental breakdown and was admitted to hospital.When he came out he was a changed person. He also lost his job.We had an argument over how he was holding our baby incorrectly. He laid him down and punched me in the face.Should I leave him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): I can understand his anger towards you after what he did but getting in an arguement over how to hold the baby? Then punching you? If this has happened before over something so little is probably going to happen again and next time be much more violent. You could try to talk to him about it or sit down with him and family members but I think you should leave for your safety. Has he ever hit the baby? If he has you should pack up today.
A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (31 December 2008):
 Who does the baby belong to him or the brother?
Not being funny but sounds to me your lucky to have just got a punch in the face for what you put this guy through,but the end of the day its all about how you both feel for each other,if you both love each other then stick together and work things out,but I think the husband should be the one thinking about leaving and hooking up with a new woman and let you and the brother get on with dealings of rasing the child,as the child may grow up a bit twsited when you spring who the daddy is on him or her in later life and then you might get another slap!
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A
female
reader, the1st1  +, writes (29 December 2008):
OH dear! YES YOU SHOULD LEAVE HIM!!! if a man ever lays his hands on you, you should not wait around for him to do it again! one hit can lead into a few, a few hits can lead to the hospital and maybe even death! leave him, i know so many people that stay and the guy gets worse! Please do yourself and your child a favor, and leave and dont look back
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Thanks for your answers. They have made me think abit more about what I did to him and he did to me.
Now I can see the pain i've inflicted on him is a lasting pain. Mine is a bloodied nose that will probably go down in
a weeks time.
He is now registered mentally disabled and has to enter this on his job applications. This reduces his chances.
He has never hit me before even when I slept with his brother.
I don't agree he is an abusive man any more than I am an abusive woman.
I'm going to give it a try if he will have me, it's my duty to try and clear up the mess I have caused.
In time he may come to forgive me (I hope).
Thank you everyone
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Yes babes you must leave if you can. Your husband sounds like he is very unstable, he's been through a lot of emotional pain. You had an affair and that hurt him, an affair with his brother which has probably destroyed the relationship between them. I'm assuming that the baby belongs to his brother.
I know that you and he wanted to work things out, but all of this is just too much for a person to stand. He has a lot of anger and hate inside of him, not only for you, but probably for the baby too. He punched you in the face, not slaped you, but actually punched you. That's a violent thing for him to do, he wanted to really hurt you. He may not be able to control his feelings and emotions, I don't believe he can at this moment.
Please leave, he needs some space and time to deal with the betryal by you and his brother. He's struggling to be a forgiving man, but he just can't do it, he's too angry.
You don't have to leave forever, you marriage may not be over. But at the moment he is dangerous, he wants to hurt you badly. He's probably hating himself for hurting you, hating himself as much as he hates you right now. You can tell him how much you love him, tell him your frightened of the violence and you can't stay as long as he hurts you like this. Tell him your very worried about the baby, it's not good for a child to see their mother getting hit. You can go and stay with your family or friends, contact a woman's centre and ask them to help you get accomodation.
You don't have to stay away forever, just for now, just to give him some time to calm down. He needs to see a counsellor to work through his pain, his anger and his hate. You can keep in touch with him, if you feel safe, you can even have sex with him or go out with him. You can date again like boyfriend and girlfriend, you can talk together every day. But you can't stay with him when he is so angry, I'm frightened for the safety of you and the baby. Move out, ask him to get some counselling, stay in touch, and start dating again. Hopefully in time he will be able to control his natural feelings, and you two can work on rebuilidng your marriage and you can move home.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (28 December 2008):
 Physical violence is a deal breaker and should never be tolerated. I am not excusing your husband's behavior, because he probably snapped and reached his boiling point.
But his mistake is not punching you, his mistake is he should have left you the minute he found out you slept with his brother.
I don't know what you were thinking. But the damage is done, and it's best if you both go your separate ways. The relationship is doomed and over. Trust, respect, and love is gone. I don't even know why you guys are still together
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): It would seem your actions have ruined most of his life.
Your actions show poor judgement and intelligence.
Yet you assume you know better how to hold and care for the child.
That is interesting. I can see how holding another mans child and the being told you are holding him incorrectly would draw your husband to violence.
It would have taken every sinew in his body just to pick the baby up.
It's also interesting you said he laid him down, rather than put him down.
It seems to indicate he didn't loose his temper but more exacted the punishment to fit the crime.
It's probably best you leave with the child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Yes!No man should put his hands on a woman.Just because he
was told how to hold the baby right did not mean he had the right to punch you.He might have got annoyed,but that was no reason to get physical.Pack your and the baby's things and get out.It'd be better to pack when he's not home.Is he at home a lot to help care for the baby or is he working his normal schedule?Pack your things and find yourself and your child a place to live.Do you know if a family member will share their home?Like a sibling,your parents?If not,then save up some money.Get an extra job,and don't leave your husband alone with your baby.Get a good friend or a trustworthy babysitter.Once you get enough,get out.But be sure to ask some family first about a place to stay.Wish you the best.xxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Well you destroyed the poor man and he is going to keep on hitting you i think its best you leave.you have already ruined everything anyway even if it doesnt justify him hitting you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Yes you probably should. There is no excuse for what your husband did. People should not hit each other under any circumstances. The risk that it may hapen again is huge.
What you have done to your husband though is terrible. The toll on him has been incredible (breakdown, job loss and now having to be a father to the product of you and his brothers love making). Not once do you mention your sorry.
He is angry and rightly so and in my opinon would be better off as far a way form you and his rotten brother as he can get.
I hope that you didnt't come here expecting total sympothy, I doubt you will get it.
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