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female
,
*ynurse95
writes: My husband has been lying to me, watching porn alone and has had a affair. what is wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): IT is unforgivable that your husband has had an affair you dont say how many years you have been married or why the affair may have happened so its rather difficult to help you should sit down and discuss this with him listen to what he has to say it may hurt but if you feel you still love your husband then you must leave this behind and look to the future and leave this in the past.Most men look at porn it is not away of decieving you or that he finds you less attractive this is also something that you need to deal with is him looking at porn worse than him actually having sex with another woman.
A
male
reader, malaysianfeet +, writes (25 January 2006):
If you watch porn for fun, then you are a voyeur. Probably explains why women get turned off whilst men get turned on. Dr John Gray attributes this to cavemen days. The men had to go and stalk for their prey and countless hours of watching and waiting had their imprint on our genetic make-up. But the trouble with this modern day voyeur deal is that porn actually 'programs' the mind. Dr Shad Helmstetter a noted brain or NLP expert says this. What actually starts as harmless viewing actual gets a program for action to follow. Just picture the mind as a computer and the porn as software.. getting the broader picture? Some ape the professional actors. but then they are paid to perform. Would you want to live like James Bond? Yet people ape 007. Its static. In sex, one takes action. play the game not merely a spectator. No one watched the US Open a few hundred times and went into the golf fields or courts and bundled in the winnings. It all came from participating. learning from mistakes. Your husband has been lying to himself. You have been condoning it, unwittingly. Its time to get frank as to the kind of help you both need to get to put this marriage back up ON the wall again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2006): I'm so sorry, no one should have to have their dreams shattered. i know.
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (18 January 2006):
 Your problem is really two problems. The most important one is, I feel, the issue of the affair. Have you sat down and discussed why the affair happened? You should probably consider marriage/relationship guidance counselling to come to terms with any issues the affair may have created. Whatever the reasons, please remember that the affair and it's aftermath concern both of you although IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Affairs can happen whilst the adulter still loves the person they are betraying and a relationship can survive.
The porn issue is a different matter altogether. Never do anyhtin you are uncomforatble with. If you enjoy it as well, then fine. But if you don't then he must respect you wishes and not involve you. If this is a seroius need ie. he cannot make love to you without using porn then he needs psychosexual help of some sort.
Good luck with your future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2005): Basically be very careful with porn it is like taking drugs it is seriously addictive. Porn is dangerous and can mentally damage you or your partner. It has been proven that the number of sexually related crimes such as rape or paedophilia have been committed by those who are porn addicts and are continually obsessed with its material and content. DO NOT RELY ON PORN TO SOLVE YOUR SEXUAL PROBLEMS. IF ANY OF YOUR PARTNERS or partner HAVE BEEN WATCHING PORN TRY AND SEK ADVISE FROM A TRAINED PSYCHOSEXUAL counsellor about your partner watching porn. Porn is basically a poisonous material and substance.Like alcolohol consumed in small amounts it can be good and fun but too much can lead to danger watch out. Another thing you must remember is that most of the porn sites are run by dangerous criminal gangs. so if your partner is paying to watch this material Let him aware of where his money going to and the women who may be forced into committing such highly indecent acts some of them considered illegal and be aware, female porn models are usually very young children made to look like adults.
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A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (3 December 2005):
 he is wrong, wrong for you he has proven that he has no respect for you as a person
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2005): Please dont take foolish advice to watch porn with him. Thats probably part of what led to the problem. Him watching porn and starting to think he was missing out or something. It is totally disrespectful to all women and he clearly has very little respect for women anyway, so why encourage him by watching it with him. My advice...counseling and if he wont go and change his ways to be the man you deserve, do yourself a bif favour and leave him
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A
female
reader, Jenna +, writes (30 November 2005):
 See if you can watch the porn with him - he won't be watching it for long...if your sex life improves then you may have a better sense of closeness within which to discuss the more practical issues that are arising Best of luck, Jenna
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (30 November 2005):
 He is very much in the wrong and the only way to find out why this has happened is to open the communication channels between you.
There could be several reasons why he has had an affair and possibly the same or different reasons for him watching pornography.
I don't know how long you have been married/together but this could be one reason; a bit like a mid-life crisis sort of thing whereby he worries about time passing him by and wanting excitement in his life. He may be seeking extra thrills and this could be why he had an affair and even watches pornography. He may wish for a life he feels he cannot have and even women he cannot have and dreams instead. However, having an affair is even more serious with obvious serious repercussions.
The person to really ask what is wrong is him and then you also need to ask yourself if you are willing to put up with/forgive what he has done or is doing.
You could try to work together to revitilise your relationship; find out what is lacking and find ways to make it better, more exciting, more sexual even. But this is only if you are prepared to allow what has happened to be put down as a mistake due to whatever reasons he gives. You may love him and not wish the marriage to be over.
If this is the case, you desperately need to talk to him and discuss your future. Work together to achieving what you both want in the relationship and also ways to rebuild the trust that he has broken.
I hope this helps. My thoughts are with you.
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