A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok please help me understand. My husband has been laid off for 3 or 4 month now and he has be come a couch potato. He is so lazy even our daughter sees it. She will say daddy you are a lazy butt. He sleeps till 11:00 or 12:00 every day and then he'll take a nap later in the day. He isn't depressed cause when he is awake he is in a good mood most of the time. I just can't understand how he can be soooo lazy. It is driving me crazy he doesn't do any thing. Please help me understand why he is so lazy and what can I do.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (19 January 2010):
 What a lot of people are doing, is taking a job just to tide them over until they can get a job that meets their qualifications. He doesn't have to do it for the rest of his life, but at least he could find it easily and he would have the satisfaction of working.
Another idea is to get additional education to make himself more marketable.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): It's a completely different country now. I have been unemployed for about half a year and it is brutal out there.
I know several other individuals who are also unemployed, and after sending out hundreds of applications and resumes, few responses are returned. It is frustrating and demoralizing. Especially when you hear that unemployment may not start creeping down anytime in the future (+10% unemployment through 2010).
Besides looking for work, I'd suggest that he find small items to occupy his time with. Work around the house, like painting or remodeling, or even a hobby. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (16 January 2010):
 I disagree with a lot of the people here. No one can know he's depressed over the Internet. He'd need to go to a shrink to sort that out. Laziness and sleepiness does not always mean you're depressed. My 16 year old brother sleeps in until midday when he's on holidays, but it's only because he likes sleeping and doesn't have to go to school. Depressed? Not likely.
He's probably just got into a rut of "I don't have to go to work because I don't have a job so I can sleep in all the time". I think he is just lazy and needs to be motivated. A lot of people get stuck in ruts and it doesn't mean they're depressed. They just become creatures of habit.
He should try and find another job in an area of work he enjoys. Remind him that life is precious and too short to spend lying in bed all day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): My best best advice to you, is to talk to him. Ask him whats wrong. Or whats on his mind. Ask him if theres anything you can do to help him get over his lazyness. Tell him to play with ur lil one there. If hes so lazy take him out for lunch or dinner, ask him what he wants to do..
hope that was help -- and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): The male perspective is very helpful and insightful because men and women do respond so differently to stress. It sounds like you both are going through a difficult time. You know your husband better than anyone. Ask yourself was he like this while he was working? How did he spend his time off?Was he a good employee? If you do not recognize him right now then I would agree with the fellas and say he's probably depressed. Talk to him support him and let him know how it's affecting you and your daughter. Most importantly let him know that you will get through this together.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (14 January 2010):
 Yes depression is sure, but it is not psychological as per your description. You say he is in good mood when awake. He must be feeling some physical weakness, lack of vitamins etc. You should consult doctors. Go for total check up, anyway it is specialist who can solve this problem. right?
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A
male
reader, Kundalini Rake  +, writes (14 January 2010):
 He is not depressive. He is living something important in his Oniric world. Do not interrupt the process if you are not really connected with his inner self. Everyone have an unconscious mind which can raise strong defences if necessary. You must go to him in search of what he is experiencing in his behaviour. Start to do that:- Wake up him softly after a long time of sleeping and have a calm conversation about his dreams.- His good mood indicates good dreams. A man can complete itself with this and do not seek sex for a period of time. This is the cue necessary to you seduce him. Maybe you are being lazy in be appropriate “femme” and arouse his sexuality...- Allow the nap, but with only the promise after a responsible activity: walking with the dog, go with her daughter in the library/cinema, help you in the supermarket, etc.Remember, he is living something important in his dreams! Do not try to dismiss, but to share and understand.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (14 January 2010):
 I agree with the others. Though he is trying to hide his depression, he clearly needs help. Don't forget that you two are a team. Do what you can to help your husband out of this rut. A start would be a little encouragement.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): Please please listen to the advices given here your husband is depressed, get him to see his GP ASAP. He might not even realise that he has depression and will fob it off if you tell him he going to his GP... don't let him do that. Similar situation happened in my family and the result was tragic. He needs to be occupied, have things to do, things to look forward too no matter how small they may seem, it is big for him. Can he decorate? how about redecorating the house a bit, or can any of your family or friends find something he could do for them... but in the meantime encourage him to look for another job, even help him with it. He just needs a reason to get up in the morning, he feels a failure, like he can't provide for his family, he is not a man if he can't do that and to a man... that is devastating, I know, i have seen what it can do.
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A
female
reader, Holli' +, writes (14 January 2010):
 I think first you should talk to him, one on one. Ask him if there is anything he is worrying about, can you think of anything that could be making him act this way, financial problems or could the two of you be slightly distant from each other. You shoudn't let him sleep in so long, make a plan with him to go out to the park with your child, you could try and get everyone in the family out of the house, only once or twice a week not everyday. If he starts having a good time he might forget about whats making him unhappy,(if he is unhappy) and start realising how much fun life can be. I think it's definatley worth talking to him about though. Good Luck, I hope I helped. xx
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (14 January 2010):
 Caring Guy is 100% right. Your husband is very depressed. So much sleep is a sign of this. Yes, set him some tasks and then help him do his CV etc and look for jobs. He feels his manliness has been eroded in some way by not having a job and now he is almost hiding to compensate for this feeling. The less you do the less energy you have. When I lost my job I didn't get out from under the duvet for 10 days so I know just how he feels. You need to get him motivated again by small tasks even just getting up and getting dressed and then move onto bigger things. He is just upset about his situation and probably feels his role of provider has been a little damaged but if you help him get over this and reassure him just how much you love him he will get through this.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (14 January 2010):
 He is depressed and hiding it, and he might also be trying to "take a mental break". However, to put it in polite terms, he needs to move his ass, depression or not. I'm blunt and rude, so I would say something like "Hubby, I understand you didn't want to get laid off, I know job prospects are difficult, but, even so, you need to get your ass moving".
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 January 2010):
He is depressed, he's just hiding it. Often depression in a man doesn't come across with unhappiness, it comes across as it is with your husband. With a woman, depression can be seen in how she acts and her expressions. With a man, it can come across as pain, or as tiredness and laziness. You need to get him to the doctor, or you need to start setting him jobs to do around the house, then send him to look for jobs.
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