| A
female
age
41-50,
*use
writes: my husband had nude pictures of girls stored in his phone and not one picture of me. sexual deprives me for porn, constantly clears the history and cache on our home computer and his cellular phone. stares women down when we are in public and says what she is pretty etc. he never compliments me on anything but my hair. ARE THESE RED FLAGS?????
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female
reader, rammsteinfan  +, writes (30 December 2006):
 My ex bf used to do the same thing...that's why he's my ex! I think that you should have a serious talk with your hubby and let him know how you feel. You, too need the compliments too!! That is so important to your self-esteem!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Your husband is addicted to the high he feels when he involves himself with a woman he finds attractive. He has a problem with being relationally intimate, therefore, he attempts to control by fantasizing his emotional and sexual parts of himself.
The very best thing you can do is to find out as much as possible about sexual, love, and romance addiction. You will need this information to 1) Set boundaries for yourself, 2)Let him know that he has the problem and that he will need to get counseling and to attend the Sex Anonymous 12 step meetings that requires absolute accountability with a sponsor, 3) that you are not the problem and that you did nothing to cause him to behave this way.
You will also need to let him know that his cell phone is an open book, as well as, his computer and that 1)the pictures have to go 2)a block needs to be set on your computer, as well as, the TV. 3)that each time he decides to act out in any form with a woman in public, you will leave him immediately, to go home or occupy yourself in some other healthy way.
This is going to be hard for you because he will attempt to turn the tables around and make it look like it is your fault. Please remember this. Until you are able to do this and do this consistently, he sees you as his mother and these women are his girlfriends and fantasy lovers. You are not even a consideration to him. He is very narcissistic and cannot hear you. He must be given consequences, but you must get the support that is needed to maintain this stand and to possibly have the marriage that you both deserve.
Your husband decided to marry you. His eyes and heart should not be for anyone else no matter how beautiful or attractive they may be --- period. Start valuing yourself and stop allowing him to define your worth. He is very, very sick, but still responsible for the choices he is making. By allowing him to continue to expose you to these traumatic experiences, you are actually enabling him.
Also, if he is drinking or drugging this needs to be addressed. Marital counseling is not helpful unless the therapist is also skilled in the addictions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): yes, yes, yes...run honey whilst you can ....these men seem to be getting worse since computer porn....get out and find a man who respects u.
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