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female
age
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anonymous
writes:I am 51 and my husband is 54, and he told me that his firm said to him that his retirement is set to come in six weeks time. He told me that they didn't really want to do it, and when he asked why they wanted him to retire, they said it was nothing to do with how he worked for the company or how long and certainly not the economic crisis, it's just that we need new staff, not just older people.He said to me that he finds retirement "dull" and does not want to retire from his job. He says if they force him to go, he will try and try to find work somewhere else, but he'll contest it first.Personally I'm in two minds about this - it'd be nice to spend time with him if he retires from the firm he has worked for for the past 36 years. On the other hand, if he's happy, I suppose I should feel happy for him that he doesn't want to be idle, and I feel a bit selfish for this reason.He says he'd try and take any job he can - DIY store, shop assistant, whatever - just to stop himself from being in a comfortable retirement, as he doesn't want to be a "stereotypical retiree", he said.Please can someone give me advice on this situation so I can deal with it properly? I'm not sure which way to turn with this situation. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 May 2009):
 People are what they do. A man is often his job. That is what he uses to define himself. It is his worth in society, his worth to his family.
I presume you are a homemaker and probably a mother. How would you feel if your kid(s) told you, you are no longer needed mom. Your fired, enjoy the freedom of never having to worry about us again. For that matter, how would you feel if your husband told you that you no longer have ton take care of the house, cook his meals, wash his underpants. It is all taken care of, someone younger will take over from you, you can retire.
Because YOU ain't retiring are you? You reason for being, what you did each day for decades isn't taken away.
You say you want to spend more time with him. Every single day? With him bored out of his mind? Doubt it. Most home-makers got their own routine and while it might sound nice to have him home for lunch, it is different to him being home 24/7.
So, he needs to find something to do. Maybe cut down on their hours in his current job, see if that is acceptable of find a parttime job or do volunteer work. He needs to be kept busy because for 40 years that is what his job did and unless he got a hobby waiting in the sidelines to soak up a working week he is going to go out of his mind and you with it. This ain't like your kids being home for the holidays, this one is going to last until one of you dies.
So, see if something can be found to keep him busy. And try to understand how you would feel if you were made to retire from your work.
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (22 May 2009):
 Um, yeah, here in the US, telling someone you are fired (cause lets face it, telling someone you will "retire" at age 54 and against your will is being fired) simply because they want to get some younger people in the office is called age discrimination and it is illegal. If he does not want to leave, he should hire a good attorney and fight this!
But to really answer your question, if you are in a financial position where he does not HAVE to work to support you and can actually retire now, I think that is wonderful. But there is nothing wrong with getting a part time job in a shop or something as well. Lots of poeple feel they need a purpose, a schedule and a place to go. It does not mean he doesnt love you or want to be with you. It means he needs this to feel good about HIMSELF. After a while he may find that he doesnt need it as much and may work less. Support your husband. I think what he is doing is just fine.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (22 May 2009):
Wow. The way he has been treated is actually illegal over here in the UK. It's not right to say "You're too old we want someone with less experience." It doesn't even make sense.
I think you need to support him in contesting being thrown on the scrap heap.
BUT... why not suggest that if they do let him keep his job then he should tell them to shove it up their bum anyway. Walk out with his head held high!
Why not suggest that you two start a business of your own? He'd be his own boss, you'd get to spend time with him and it would give him a new lease of enjoyment in work.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): Thank you for replying to my question. It was very kind of you.
However, he only wants full-time employment, he does not want to do anything where we can spend more time together, he's insistent about it, and says we need both the money, and he doesn't want to get out of his routine of getting up and going to work 9-7 (as he used to).
How can I convince him to try and spend more time with me and not have a full-time job?? (54 is old enough to retire, isn't it?)
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (22 May 2009):
 Sweetie, your husband wants to feel wanted, hence his reluctance to accept retirement. Perhaps encourage him to get a part time job assisting in a store or as a charity worker, just something to make him feel that he is still a valued member of society and not 'being put out to pasture' because he is old and of no further use.
It can be a very exciting time of your life, and I think that you should support him, but also explain to him that you would like to spend more time with him, perhaps go camping for a couple of weeks etc. or start a new hobby together.
He is going to need time adjusting to not being gainfully employed and he is going to need your support.
Hope this helps!
Honeygirl
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