A
female
age
36-40,
*ena1
writes:Hello every body,here is my story,I am 23 years old and my husband is 37 years old,we have been married for 2 years now and his mother was living with us since we got married.he was my 1st love and relationship so I do not really have any experience with men.1st problem:before we got married he was giving me headache for sex but I did not do anything with him until after marriage,but we do not have sex more often,we have it like once in 1 week or in 2 weeks,so I do not know if that is normal?????2d problem:he always watch porn when I am not home ,even when I am here he goes to the bathroom and watch,and when I tell him you do this things he denies it.3d:he is not as loving as he was before marriage just when we are in front of people,and I think that was due to the problems between me and his mother (I do not want to live with her any more because I do not have freedom at the house).Every time I tell him that you have changed he answers me back you are the one that have changed and also you have a big mouth,and tell me that he is the same,and may be if my mouth was smaller things will change.4th :he does not help me with chores;I have to clean ,cook and also go shopping,all he knows is come home and play video games,even when I am working and he is at the house ,he will wait for me until I come from work and ask me :what are we going to eat???,he told me even before we get married that he does not clean,but I did not believe him,but marriage is cooperation in every things,I think when I am coming tired from work at least I need somebody that will think about me and do something,do you think I am right or wrong ????I think I have a big problem here,but I will need your opinion about what I just said,do you think I am right and I have serious issue here or I am just making things look bigger in my mind because of my age ? thank you,
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female
reader, lena1 +, writes (10 January 2011):
lena1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I thank every body for your answer.
I can not talk to him about porn because he always denies it.
when I tell him to help me at the house,he says no body told you to clean.
his mother has health issue that is why we are living together,
I think I am just disappointed because this is not the type of marriage I was expecting.
he says that he loves me but do not you think that action speaks louder than words???
i told him before that if he does not change I am going to leave him,he told me are you treating me???you are not going any where.....
and I do not know where to go anyway,I am new in the country,I do not have friends,and I have never lived alone in my life.and also I love him,so I am not sure ,If I am going to be able to live without him.
I do not know what to do..........
do you think he will act different if his mother was not living with us????because she stress him out,
and now I am the new stress,
he does not help so I always ask him to keep the place clean ,and that the least things he can do,
every time I complain about something,he tells me that I like problems and that I am miserable ,and tell me that I make his blood pressure goes up.
god help me.....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): He sounds like he is out of the ark - most men these days expect to help out a bit in the home. He has a very old fashioned attitude. Sadly, you married too young. You were not old enough to stand up to him as an equal, as is best in a relationship. With your youth and the fact you do not have kids, I'd think you should decide if you want to stay with him. What sort of life, going forward, do you think you'll have with him? It looks a bit bleak to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): My ex is similar to your husband. I left him for a wonderful man I met.
My boyfriend has NEver yelled at me in the 2 years we've dated - when I get upset he wants to talk about things and resolve them right away.
Any time he sees me hurt or upset he runs upto me and hugs me, wanting to know what he can do to help.
He washes the dishes every day and keeps the house tidy on his days off work. Everyday when I come home from work (I work 12 hour shifts) he has an amazing home cooked dinner waiting for me (he loves to cook). He'll also surprise me with something once a week (my favourite ice cream, or flowers or dinner plans).
He has his moments, when he gets distracted with sports or irritated with what I said to him, but those moments are very few and very far in between. He just stays quiet and moody...
My ex had the personality from hell - combative, argumentative, would twist his words around to make me look/feel like the fool, manipulative and a liar, demanding things that were unrealistic, never cooked for me, never spoiled me or took me out. What a waste of 8 years!
YOu're married, yes, but you don't have children and you are young. Perhaps you should be very clear with him that if things do not start functioning in a healthy way, you will walk away. HOnestly, there are great men out there. You just picked one when you were too young to know better. Start with talking to him and counseling. Do not make a baby with him for a couple of years!!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 Actually, your husband doesn't treat you well or help out because he is a lazy pig, not because of your age difference. He is simply taking you for granted, like the furniture in your house.
This is a problem because you are not likely to see him suddenly change his ways. You have only been married for two years, and this is what you get. However, it could be worse.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 You are right in every single thing you have brought up. I only need to correct you on the point about sex: what is normal is dependent on the couple itself. If you want more sex then there is too little sex in the relationship. If you want less then there is too much for you. This needs to be compromised on.
And as for the cleaning: he told you upfront he doesn't clean. You accepted that. It's too late to cry about that now. Other chores however he didn't warn you about, so compromise on those.
You have a big baby on your lap I am afraid, a man who is used to being a child and getting catered on. Unfortunately for you you are too young to even stand a chance at arguing with him, I don't think he respects you much. It's time to pull out the big guns! Plan a battle strategy and take action, put your foot down.
If he wants dinner he can cook it himself. You should start to eat without him for example, or eat something on your way home from work. Then start going out without him and do enjoyable things. He gets to play video games, then you get to have your fun as well.
As for sex, take matters in your own hands literally. If eh wont compromise on more sex (if thats what you want) then buy yourself some toys and start watching porn yourself as your man is unable to please you.
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