A
female
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anonymous
writes:When I first met my husband I was drawn to his funky humor, and he had a sweet vulnerability to him. But I learned very quickly that he was a complicated beast. His natural state of mind is the sweet, funny vulnerable guy I fell in love with. But his alter ego is a very domineering, aggressive bully. How you say, can these two people exist in the same body? He was raised by a domineering militant father and because of his smaller stature was frequently bullied at school. At an early age he developed an "edge" and he still uses it today. My dilema is, and has always been how to make our relationship work. He has many wonderful qualities, obviously or I would not have married him. But his agression leads to meany arguments and I have learned to be equally as agressive because I refuse to be walked on or talked to harshly. And honestly, I've tried everything. When he starts getting agressive and ordering me around, or acting bossy I've tried to just keep quiet and do what he says, but it seems to make it worse. I've tried all the psycho-babble of matching his voice, or doing just the oppposite by staying in a neutral tone of voice nothing really works. He is a combative person by nature and I'm seeing less and less of his sweet, vulnerable side. Not a day goes by that we don't have a major eruption over something and it's never anything that's worth the argument over. How do I deal with this?....I know my own insecurities have driven me to be where I'm at, so there's no one to blame here but me. I just keeping thinking there must be something I can do so we can have pleasant days but sometimes he turns everything into a fight.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): I think it's quite true and where the question arises of sweet talks with such persons..... impossible. the situations created by such combative second party is horrible. really sweet nature is gone. and what if the husband is jealous, insecure, nagging and bossy??????????????
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): First of all, stop blaming yourself...why does it have to be you doing something wrong? Maybe you are doing everything right....and he is feeling insecure or inadequate (You always bite the one you love). My husband and I have similiar issues....he is very combative/bossy/always has to be right. He and my son were away for 2 days...and my son wanted me to tuck him in....and my husband was blocking the way into his room and telling me No..go back, I've got him. So of course, I forced my way in and gave big hugs to my son and chatted with him for a bit. And my husband stood there until I left the room. Takl about control issues....leaves me worn out. Even though my son was half asleep...what is he thinking and learning from this overbearing idiot.
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