A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ever since I turned 12, I have always dreamed of celebrating Valentines Day with someone special. I never even had a boyfriend until I was 18. I never thought it would take seven years to be able to spend the day with someone I love. Now I'm married and finally have the chance. I've been super excited about it and thinking of all the great things we could do together and how I could get him cards and everything. The day actually came, however, and he said he'd rather us stay home and he'd like if I cleaned the house. I've been cleaning the house all week already. His day has been pretty much taken up by video games and it took begging from me, my sister, and her boyfriend to even get him to consider going out for dinner. When we got home he just went straight for his computer again. I was hoping for this whole romantic evening together, but I couldn't even get him to talk during dinner. I asked him if he had a bad experience with the day previously that just made him not want to celebrate it, but he said there wasn't anything at all. I'm confused and disappointed and I feel like i shouldn't have to work so hard to get him to want to spend time with me. What should I do?
View related questions:
video games Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (16 February 2013):
 You are right you shouldn't have to try so hard to get your husbands attention but it looks like this is what you married so you either leave or put up with it. Next time don't rush into a relationship before you really know someone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): Sorry to go on a tangent but are you really married at 19 and with a guy you know less than year? That was very fast.
OP not everyone cares about valentines, I detest it, as does my fiancee. This is obviously a young man your age, he's not likely to know you want some kind of movie like romantic day. So just talk to him and tell him.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (16 February 2013):
 Sounds like your husband didn't get the message on how you want to celebrate Valentine's Day. Sometimes guys -- especially younger ones -- are clueless.
Let me ask you... did you try and turn the tables on him? If during playing computer games did you try and seduce him? Perhaps dress up, smell nice, light a few candles and tell him you were waiting... Guys like to be seduced too.
If you feel cheated, why not set up a special date night? Get out of town for a weekend. Each area has some local hot spot that is touristy and trendy. Set something up as a couple and redo Valentine's Day -- together...
Finally, I hope you take stock of your relationship. Is your husband always this obtuse? Are you getting the attention you want? Do you do things together? Are you a couple? These are important questions that you need to answer for yourself. If the answers don't jive with your dreams then it may be time to have a frank conversation with him about what you can do to feel close again. Don't let the rift widen -- as when it gets too far apart, couples stray.
Together, you may find it useful to read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
Eddie
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not porn, just videogames constantly. He didn't do anything last Valentines day because I didn't know him then. I don't even mind that he didn't get me anything. I'm just disappointed because he usually doesn't ever want to spend time with me and it takes hours of begging, and I was hoping that maybe valentines day would be an exception since it's like, dedicated to love and things.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 February 2013):
 what about last valentine's day... what did he do....
...............................
A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (15 February 2013):
I'm assuming this isn't a one off and he quite often plays computer games and expects you to do the housework? Sounds like he's a bit selfish, unfortunately with men and relationships in general you normally can't change someone. So if you really love him and this behaviour is annoying but not unforgivable then you'll just have to put it to I've side and get over it. If you are really upset by this and don't find it acceptable then have it out with him but be prepared for the consequences.
Valentines day is just a day, if people don't want to buy into the commercialism of it that doesn't mean they don't care about you.
...............................
A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 If you've never told him how important Valentine's day is to you, then he might just be brushing it off as an inconsequential day where only businesses benefit. If you have told him and he refuses to acknowledge the day then he is inconsiderate of your feelings. Like I've said before: if your partner likes Valentine's day but you don't, you should just regard the day like a date and just be willing to spend time with your significant other (which shouldn't be a chore, and which you should do regularly anyway). If he thinks it's difficult to spend time with you, or he can't even balance personal time with couple time, then it's time to leave.
The fact that he expects you to clean while he plays video games is also very inconsiderate. I don't care if he's a guy and you're a girl, he should get off his backside and do his fair share. He sounds like he has an addiction to me. He needs to have some self control otherwise he's no husband but a child who needs to be fed and cleaned up after. Can you really live with someone like that?
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 Why is the husband addicted to the omputer? Is he into porn and therefore thats where he is getting his pleasure.
I would check his history, and see the sites he has visited.
Its just a thought and not necessary where the problem is but a place to start. I would first check what he is doing on the computer and if I hit a brick wall then opt for a heart to heart chat. Goodluck
...............................
|
