A
female
age
41-50,
*ickster
writes:My husband is a 36 year old male who has a low sex drive. We have been married for 3 and a half years and he very rarely initiates sex (usually after I have nagged him about it). He is very affectionate and loving, yet that does not seem to translate into having sex. His work requires him to travel a lot, so he is often only home at weekends, which doesn't help. But even when he has been home for a few weeks, we seem to only have sex once I have initiated it. When we do, he seems to lose his erection very quickly and I find I have to spend all my attention on maintaining it! The other aspect that I find strange is that he has never masturbated. Is that possible? He said that as a boy he tried it but it "didn't work", so he has never masturbated since and doesn't feel any particular need to do so. If I stimulate him by hand, he has no problems in having an orgasm. He hasn't got diabetes and isn't overweight, although he has high cholesterol. He does not experience work related stress. Please help, as it worries me greatly.
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erection, orgasm, overweight, sex drive Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): Well, I read your history, it doesnt sound normal for his age. A men 36 years old is in complete activity!If he is not having sex with you, he is having sex with somebody else... You konw how some women are. Make sure his travels is only about work. Because he is out all week and can't stay with you, the relationship is getting cold. Dont let it happen to you, NEVER. Try something that can make you fell more atractive, sensual, you are young too!First you love yourself, than comes the next. Sometimes some other problems is on the way: financial situation, argues, privacy, someone around you, whatever...Take care, be more sexy for yourself, try something different. Look at yourself at the mirror, check if you need something. Never break your status of being marry. Better with him than without him.Good luck!
A
female
reader, Nickster +, writes (8 December 2008):
Nickster is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your advice! It's so good to get it off my chest... The stereotype is that men are the ones with the higher sex drive, so when that is not the case, it's not that easy to talk about. I've gotten to the point where I began to feel like some sex crazed woman!
I suppose in some ways I am lucky - he is the most affectionate, loving man ever and I don't have to worry that he is doing it just for sex :-) With regards to the possibility of him "playing away from home" whilst he is out of town: one can never be too sure, but I am pretty confident that that is not the case.
With regards to your question, Emily: yes, thinking back he was always like that. I didn't notice in the beginning because I just didn't register that I was actually the one who was always initiating sex! It only gradually dawned upon me.
So I will take your advice and get him to the doctor, chill out about it, enjoy my man and cook him some porridge. Thank you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): I think it's refreshing to hear a man is loving without wanting sex, sex, sex...;)
I know it's hard, but TRY to take pressure off yourself and just Enjoy your Man. Try to do other things that make you feel good. (my sister does shopping therapy-ha) but I like to get a massage every two weeks...asking my daughter to brush my hair makes me feel good too. Of course this doesn't compare to sex, but the 'touch' makes you feel special.
I don't want to worry you, but I HOPE he's not doing anything when he's out of town...I'm just one to investigate right away(subtly)... I really hope I'm wrong.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (6 December 2008):
 I've heard of this situation before, if it is worrying you to the point it is affecting your relationship big time and y our husband is agreeing with this and worried about it, a trip to the doctors will sort it out. The fact that he's travelling a lot through the week means he could be exhausted and thats a factor for lack of sex drive. There is foods he can eat to lower chlorestol.i'e. porridge oats is a good one. But like I say, there will be something that the doc can sort out, they are always advertising this kind of stuff on tv. hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 December 2008):
I wonder why you didn't sort this out before you married? Was it different in the beginning? It sounds like he has always been like this.
It's sad to say that some people just aren't that sexual and aren't that into it. That's not a reflection on how much they love you or desire you. They just aren't into sex.
You could get him on some kind of enhancing drug like viagra, but go to your GP about this and check it isn't going to mix with any existing conditions he has.
Either that or you could accept him as he is and buy a vibrator to make you less frustrated, as you have all the kisses and cuddles you need from him.
Ask him what he's thinking about when you do make him orgasm and then talk to him about it when you are having sex so he doesn't get distracted.
Good Luck!! xx
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