A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do. The situation with me and my husband that I am taking care of absolutely everything regarding our lives. We have business, that I run. All the paperwork, all customer relations, accounting, everything's my responsibility. When I try to get him just a little bit involved he fails. He forgets everything. He also let's people take advantage of him. For example he does some work for a company. Not only he does it for wholesale prices,but also he needs to go there to pick it up and then bring it back. Ussualy they don't give him this much work, it's under a 100$ . And for this little money he wastes all this time traveling.I went there few days ago and told them straightforward that it's not going to happen anymore. They need to arrange delivery and pick up. They really didn't mind, but expressed their surprise by telling me that my husband never said anything. Every time I travel, he stops working, literally. There is no money ever are deposited in a bank when I am away. His phones malfunctioning, it's also becomes my problem. I am not that big of an expert, why doesn't he go to a store and let them help him. He needs to see an eye doctor, again, I am the one who has to make an appointment. If I don't, he would never do it himself. Even underwear that need to be replaced is my responsibility also. I have no interest in buying his underwear, does he buy mine? But he keeps n complaining that there are wholes in them,and looks at me like it's my fault that he wears such horrible undies. Even restaurants. It's always my desicion where to go, even on my birthday I have to deside it. We walk into the place to have a drink, and he never knows where to sit. He literally just stops at the entrance waiting for me to tell him where to go and take a sit. Vacation are completely planned by me. He sleeps a lot on vacations, and our days are somehow half spend with him sleeping. It seems like he doesn't really care that money are spend on air, and hotels, and all he does is sleeping, and then after we eat, almost all day is gone. I started traveling without him,and I really enjoy myself. Now he went to see his family, and I was by myself, it was the best week I spend. I did boot camps on a beach, danced, went out with my friends, read a lot, and most importantly iwas not taking care of him. When he came back I noticed how differently I act around him. I always drink more alcohol when he is around. I can't sleep very well and take sleeping pills sometimes, but that week I slept like a baby without any pills. For the whole week I felt calm and relaxed, and as soon as he came back, it started. He went back to work, and the whole week he was adjusting, basically not working at all, until I had a very rough conversation with him. He is back now on track, but for almost 2 weeks I couldn't get him to finish any orders from customers. And therefore no money in a bank. One day he made me so upset, that I booked a month long vacation just for me . He looked very worried when he found out, even asked me if we are ok. When he asked me that, it made me thinking, are we OK? Our child is grown and out of the house for a long time now. Sex is a rare happening, but when it happens it's always very good. I care for him very much and don't want to loose him, but he makes me very tired. To the point that I want to be away from him.Yesterday it was our daughter's birthday she lives across the country, and he didn't even call her to say happy birthday. And then at night he asked me if I did. I said of course, didn't you. He says, no, I thought you were going to call anyway. How do you not even call your own child? Even here he relies on me. He actually never calls her. They only talk when she calls him. We went out to celebrate a little. Again, he asks me, did you deside where to go, again, we walk in, and he stopes at the very entrance not knowing where to sit, also asking me where should we sit. Again, he doesn't know what to order, you order for me. By the time we ordered, I just wanted to get up and go. He was sitting the whole nite playing with his new phone because he couldn't figure why he can't hear when it rings. Then he ate in silence, had his wine. I was already on my second martini . I felt so lonely, and even martinies didn't help. He kept on being silent, and then I realized, that he doesn't even initiate conversations anymore,because it's always me who starts a topic and then he goes alone with It . The only reason he didn't speak, because I didn't speak. I just got up, letting him pay and said, I am going, and went home. I got home, went to sleep exhausted, and walk up couple hours later reaching for sleeping pill. I just become this constantly frustrated woman. From one hand I want to be with him, on another I am refusing to be his mother, hostess, housekeeper, business manager and events planner. any pills
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 June 2013):
 Let me offer a "Reader's Digest" version of the submittal that I just read:
"I don't know what to do. My husband is a child... has been for as long as we've been married.... and I've allowed it... (and)...I just become this constantly frustrated woman. From one hand I want to be with him, on another I am refusing to be his mother, hostess, housekeeper, business manager and events planner. ..."
Soooooo, what's keeping your from telling this child that YOU are leaving.... he's on his own... and "good luck...."?
Good luck....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): This is OP. he was saying Ina beginning he tried to do things his way but I criticized him, it's true. but also did he criticized me In certain situations. But it doesn't mean I gave up on taking care about myself. My opinion is that we all need to take care of ourselves as much as possible even if we are living together. I don't mind helping him, or asking him for help sometimes, but to do every aspect of life for a person? When Our daughter was growing up, I did 100% in connection with her upbringing. Babysitters, classes, afterschool care, doctors, it was all mine responsibility. But I understand this, it's a small helpless child that needed to be taking care of. But a grown man can't do things for himself, only when he is reminded, or it's done for him? Thank you for all your answers very mch
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): I don't mean to offend you in any way by saying this, but are you one of those women that it has to be done a certain way or else it's wrong? It has to be find the "right way" and nag him to death over it until he says f it then you do it all? If that's what you did, then I wouldn't do much of nothing either. If this was the case, then you pay for what you say. I don't k ow if whether or not you did it, this is usually what happens.
If you're the type if person that always have to have control over everything, this can cause this as well. If every time he took an initiative to do something and you jump in and took over, then this would cause this behavior as well. So think about it. If the answer is no to each, then he is just lazy and you're enabling him. Best over luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): When was the last time he saw a doctor to have his hearing checked? It seems like he may have some hearing loss which is causing him other problems. Not wanting to call people. Not being able to hear his phone ringing. Not wanting to talk to or confront people about things.I think you should make appointments for his eyesight anda hearing test for him. I also think that you need marriage counseling so both of you can learn how to effectively communicate with each other. A mediator, the marriage counselor, can assist both of you and provide you with the tools to strengthen your relationship.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 June 2013):
You haven't even mentioned having a conversation with him about this... Tell him you are at your breaking point and you're done taking care of him. Tell him that you're so tired of it that if it continues you'll be leaving him.
Then stop enabling him. By taking care of his every need you've made it so he has no need to do it himself. Instead of telling him where to go and what to do, ask him what he's going to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): did you realise that almost all husbands do 90% of this micro-decision making all the time and then feminazis blame them for weilding power.
Its really sometimes I too want my wife to plan the vacation or atleast few things, but nothing will be decided/done by her and then she will constantly complain .
Sometimes people want that their spouse to be less dependent on them and doing it successfully till the end of the work. And you are very right to demand this from your hubby, and all of us are also tired of our wives asking for every micro thing to managed planned by hubby and then later sob,bitch that everything is as per your wishes, you didn't let me do my own things etc etc.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (15 June 2013):
 Your husband is lazy. Point blank. He relies on you for everything and you have completely carried him through life.
Put your foot down. Either he becomes an independent adult and acts like a responsible grown up, or you get divorce papers.
He's not a child. It's time for him to act like a man.
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