A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my partner for twenty years when I met him I was natural brunette but now im in my mid forties got a few greys and I changed my hair to blonde which everyone likes my family and friends and I get much more attention. Most importantly I love it , it suits me and makes me look years younger!!My partner says he doesn't like it and prefers brunette my natural colour. I really don't want to go back to that colour its my hair and I really like it so why is he saying this to me? its upsetting me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2020): I think he is a creature of habit, and that in time, he will get to really like it. He knows you as the brunette he fell in love with, and he may instinctively prefer a "more natural" look, which really isn't a bad thing because it usually means he isn't into the highly artificial make-up, botox, etc. look. I am not trying to diss blonde hair, but it does come with some stereotypes attached and I am trying to say that he may need some adjustment to think of it in a different way. He loves YOU and this sudden change may seem too drastic or artificial to him. I think over time he will grow to like it. Consider if you want to switch to a light brown / dusky blonde shade as a compromise OR you can stick to what YOU like and wait for him to come around. Ultimately he should support you in your decision.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (31 December 2019):
He met fell in love with married and lived with a brunette for 20 years that’s why he’s saying it. He prefers brunettes and prefers you as a brunette it’s not hard to figure out.
But it’s your hair so you’re free to do what you want with it. Don’t worry he’ll come around eventually.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2019): "why is he saying this to me"
My guess is he's being honest with you.
And who knows, maybe when he was a kid he had a bad time with a blonde girl?
Maybe you two can compromise on an in-between color?
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (31 December 2019):
 I totally get where you're coming from OP. I too, love to switch it up every now and again but I'm more on the crazy side with colours. I love colouring my hair and I don't really ask people for their opinions when doing so, mainly because I don't want any objections with regards to what I know would look good. I know my face and I know my hair so if I feel it's right, I do it. It's pretty tricky being in your situation because there's a marriage involved. I'm all for you feeling good about yourself and perhaps your husband doesn't understand that a woman that is about to change her hair, is about to change her life. This is true for you because it's given you more confidence and some of your youthfulness back. He probably just prefers the brunette because it's all that he's been use to and it's all that he's ever known. It doesn't seem like you've made this sort of a change before so naturally he's use to seeing you with your natural hair colour. I'd say to give it a bit of time and see whether or not it grows on him. If not, you can decide to switch it up once more and try something else. Also, give your scalp and hair a break after such a treatment so as to keep it healthy. Do not immediately colour it again so soon after having already done it. Wait it out for a bit and gauge his reaction over time. He might change his mind, or not but I feel like an explanation on your part may help the situation. It may help him understand where you're coming from. Good luck OP
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A
female
reader, Dionee' +, writes (31 December 2019):
I totally get where you're coming from OP. I too, love to switch it up every now and again but I'm more on the crazy side with colours. I love colouring my hair and I don't really ask people for their opinions when doing so, mainly because I don't want any objections with regards to what I know would look good. I know my face and I know my hair so if I feel it's right, I do it. It's pretty tricky being in your situation because there's a marriage involved. I'm all for you feeling good about yourself and perhaps your husband doesn't understand that a woman that is about to change her hair, is about to change her life. This is true for you because it's given you more confidence and some of your youthfulness back. He probably just prefers the brunette because it's all that he's been use to and it's all that he's ever known. It doesn't seem like you've made this sort of a change before so naturally he's use to seeing you with your natural hair colour. I'd say to give it a bit of time and see whether or not it grows on him. If not, you can decide to switch it up once more and try something else. Also, give your scalp and hair a break after such a treatment so as to keep it healthy. Do not immediately colour it again so soon after having already done it. Wait it out for a bit and gauge his reaction over time. He might change his mind, or not but I feel like an explanation on your part may help the situation. It may help him understand where you're coming from. Good luck OP
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (30 December 2019):
 He has a right to voice his opinion, whether you agree with it or not. Would you rather he pretended to like it when, in fact, he didn't? Did you discuss it with him before having it done? If not, perhaps he is just as upset about this as you are.
I can't see this being a deal breaker, unless your relationship is already teetering on break-up.
Perhaps it's not the colour he dislikes as much as the fact you are getting "much more attention" (I assume from the opposite sex). Perhaps this is just his insecurity coming out and a little ego stroking from you might convince him the colour is not so bad after all?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 December 2019):
 Yes as a beard wearer I think people should wear their hair (head or body) the way they like it. And really if you are feeling insecure about it, it's time to take care of yourself, not dictate to your partner.
But, hey OP, you coloured your hair because that is what you wanted, not to make your husband happy. There is no need for you to be upset that he doesn't like it. If that factor had been very important to you, you would have discussed it with him first.
Honestly he doesn't like change and given a week or two he will get used to it, and wonder why you would ever change it back.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 December 2019):
 Ask him why he doesn't like it.
And then decide what to do. This IS your hair, it's dye, not permanent. Some people don't like changes, some people don't like their partner all of a sudden looking much younger.
If he decided to grow a beard and you really dislike beards would you expect him to shave it off?
Think about it.
Personally, I'd think he would be thrilled that his wife takes good care of herself.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 December 2019):
So you like feeling younger and getting more attention.
Sounds like it's time for Hubby to hit the gym and boost his testosterone. Maybe get a flashy car.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2019): Tell him that's too bad. He'll get used to it.
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A
female
reader, EmmyApple +, writes (30 December 2019):
Why didn’t you ask for his opinion before dying your hair? Personally, if I were you I would change back to brunette. I want to be as attractive as possible to my husband so I value his opinion the most.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2019): Oygh! Life problems eh...
In a nutshell, I say stick to your guns and what makes you feel comfortable.
Your husband is just not used to the change probably, either that or he doesn't like the attention you're now getting.
Blonde is great but it's expensive to upkeep so i'd say to him that you're going go give it a good 12-18 months and if he still doesn't like it then you'll go a bit darker.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2019): Maybe your blonde hair dye smells metalic. Ask him if that is the case. I remember in my dating years I dated briefly a platinum blonde and the smell of her hair was aweful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2019): This is really a touchy subject. I guess it all depends on how drastic the change is; and whether you get positive-feedback from the majority of the people most important to you. The majority rules.
I wear my hair as long or short as I please. I don't seek opinions on it. I may wear a low-trimmed beard; edged and shaped by my barber, or go clean-shaven. I like five-o'clock shadow too! I really don't worry if my partner doesn't like it at first; changes will usually grow on you. If not, they can take a chill-pill, it's only temporary! The more drastic the change, the longer it takes getting used to. Now if you go overboard; and add pink, orange, red, or blue streaks! He might have a point!
We tend to form an emotional-imprint on certain physical-attributes; or grow attachments to the most attractive (or unusual) characteristics we associate with a beloved-one's identity, or personality. If it's some trait really dear and familiar to us, we get a dopamine-surge each time we see it. That fuzzy-feeling of endearment! If it's suddenly missing, it's a shock! Some people never recover from it. Like seeing someone suddenly obese when they've always been fit, or someone who has aged poorly that you haven't seen for years. Your boyfriend or husband grows a man-bun, or an enormous beard! If it's not your taste, you won't like it on your mate. If they really want it; you simply tolerate it until you get used to it. They have the right! It's their body, and their hair to change as they please!
Take it into account; that sometimes people are just being polite or politically-correct. They aren't always honest with you. They'll tell you what you want to hear; then criticize and ridicule you behind your back. The important thing is that it doesn't make you look ridiculous, or isn't something more suitable on a kid or teenager! Let good-taste always be your guide! Not always obedient to the restrictions or guidelines others may impose; because it's what they like...and that's that! Your spouse does get special-consideration! Try to compromise when possible! You're still an adult, you don't need permission!
It seems that you needed a change! Something bold, to boost your confidence and self-esteem. Like you were bringing a phase in your life to closure. I feel you!
You were his brunette for many years, and now this is for you. His opinion is important, let's not be dismissive of his feelings; because he has to look at it too. Big changes like hair-color is not exactly a subtle change to your appearance. You walk into your house, and there's this strange blonde-lady standing there! You rollover in bed, and see the back of an unfamiliar head! People who don't know it's you will be spreading rumors about your husband being seen with some blonde! It has some drawbacks! That can spook you a little! I can also see his point. Give him time!
You'll miss the old you too! You can simply return to your natural color, and just color over the greys whenever you wish! Don't be surprised if he does an about-face, and tells you he got kind of used to the blonde! Just roll your eyes! That's why you do what pleases you; until the novelty wears-off!
Remember once you've changed back; if you find a blonde hair...it's yours!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 December 2019):
 Your husband might be a man who simply doesn't like change, or he might be the sort who lacks self confidence and doesn't want you to be blonde or looking good or younger because it throws him in a different light.
We don't know you husband or why he is wanting you to go back to brunette. Personally as we lighter hair looks more natural and suits us better.
I'd just tell him if he still feels the same about it in 12 months you will consider going a shade or two darker.
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