A
female
age
41-50,
*olly77
writes:we have been together for 16 years and married for 7 years ( no funnys about the 7 year itch please ) my husband told me a few days ago that he cares for me but is unsure if he loves me anymore , he doesnt want to move out at the moment because hes confused and is unsure of what he wants . i thought everything was ok untill this bomb shell. he says hes gone off sex although i thought that was fine too and seemed great between us. he says he wants to try and get back on track but he seems so distant that i dont see how thats going to happen. im trying so hard to give him space and still be loving ( by trying i mean im trying not to be too smothering or too distant, trying to keep a happy medium), but the more he pushes me away with little comments and actions i feel like its all a matter of time before he goes. i have never felt hurt like this in my life and i dont know how to cope with it . i,ll say i love you, not waiting for a reply, but i get one anyway like .. i know you do or i wish i could say the same .. these hurt more than just keeping quiet because they install the fact im losing him. anyone with any ideas or advice would be greatly recieved .
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male
reader, AmericanBoy  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 Dear lolly77,
Thank you for reaching out. It shows that you really do love your husband, that you care, and that you want things to be straightened out.
Unfortunately, men in their natural condition are NOT good at communicating. In fact, your husband probably doesn't even understand his own feelings, let alone know how to communicate them to you. From my own experience, if you REALLY are open to every angle and possible solution, I encourage you to just spend a little time before you go to bed each night to talk to Jesus about what you're going through. Just pour your heart out to Him, and do this each evening before you go to bed and see what the Lord begins to do for you. If you'll let Him, He WILL begin to work in your life and in your husband's life and bring love, peace, and restoration to your marriage.
A
female
reader, Raven04 +, writes (22 August 2008):
I am going through something very similar and am honestly sad for anyone who has to go through anything like this. My husband and I have had our issues and I really felt like things were getting better. We had a 2nd child (almost a year ago now) and have discussed separating. I am so scared of living alone with 2 children, but i definitely do not want to be with someone who doesn't love me anymore. I do ask if he feels better about things, but he is a horrible communicator and just says things like, "it is complicated." Some days I just want to leave and move on and other days I tell myself to stick it out and work harder it at, he is worth it. I feel so alone as I just don't feel like anyone understands. My friends/sisters always want to side with me, but I have made some mistakes in this marriage as well. It is not all his fault. I constantly wonder if it is too late to get him back - maybe he is already "gone." I sometimes think he is staying only for the kids which is humilating. If that is the case, I feel like we both deserve better. We are intimate and some people tell me that a man can't fake that, but I don't know if that is true. Not that experienced with men. I cannot believe i am in this place - hope I don't become as statistic. I just don't know what to do. Any advice is welcome and good luck to those of you who are going through the same thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): I am sorry you are going through this, but know that you are not alone. I am going through the exact same thing, but my husband is leaving in a week. We have been married seven years and a few months ago he said he no longer loved me and he was not happy. I don't know what happened and I am still confused. We just moved into a new house in January and have two children. Know you are not alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): Hi,
I think your husband might be going through depression. If he is, then he has no sex drive, and his emotions are numb, so he doesnt feel any joy or love, etc. I am going through that at the moment with my bf and it is very difficult. If this has been going on for a long time, over a month, you should encourage him to seek help. Since my bf is also on anti-depressants, I do not recommend that for you. This should be the last resort for you and your husband. Counselling is always best, as well as keeping an active life, exercising regulary and finding activities that you both like or he likes to do. There are many symptoms of depression. You should read about it, in case you think this is the cause. Good luck. I know this is very difficult, but now that you are not alone.
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A
female
reader, lolly77 +, writes (21 July 2008):
lolly77 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthenk you for all your kind words and help .. i have taken everything you have all said on board and hopefully this will help . my husband has said this eveing that he thinks he needs to talk to the dr , so hopefully thats a move forward in the right direction ( id sooner the dr than the solicitors lol ) thanks again for your time in answering me
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Oh darling I am sorry!
Until you find out why he feels like this, theres not an awfull lot you can do. Have you asked him if there is anyone else involved (I hope not) but these things can happen.
You need to be strong and get him to talk about what's bothering him. he could be going through a mid-life crisis and is unaware why. Talk to him Honey, and get him to open up. Mail me if you need to chat.
XX
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 July 2008):
It could be that things have just been the same between you for so long that it has faded into the background.
I think that if you love him then this may be the time to start fighting for him rather than leaving him to think about it. Chuck the kids out for a week, send them to grandma's house or to stay with friends.
Then take him on holiday, get him away from your boring house and your everyday lives and have fun with him. Dress up and look sexy. He fell in love with you head over heels once, I am pretty sure you can make him do it again.
Date him, flirt with him, make him remember all those stupid jokes from when you first got together. Don't just leave him to drift about and wonder what went wrong. Chuck him a life line and reel him back in.
Good Luck!! xx
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