A
female
age
51-59,
*urtingwife
writes:My husband and I have been married for 5 years. The biggest issue in our marriage has always been sex. He just doesn't act that into me. I'm not overweight and most men find me attractive. When I ask him, he says he finds me attractive, yet he never initiates sex, gives me a compliment etc. Recently I discovered that he has been secretly looking at pornographic websites. This has left me confused and hurt. When I ask him about it, he denies it clears the history on the computer so that I cannot see what he has looked at, however, today I found some he forgot to take the time to clear. I have never denied him sex. I have told him that I'm willing to be adventurous, but nothing ever changes. Our comfort level with each other as far as talking about sex is very rigid even after 5 years. I try to open up discussions and he just denies that there is a problem. I need insight into what might be going on and how to deal with this. I love him and want our marriage to work, but I am tired of hurting over this issue.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): i suspect yr husband has girlfriend outside.
A
female
reader, guiltywife +, writes (20 April 2010):
Sounds like you are one of the lucky ones like me that got stuck with an afgectionate one. Try watching porn with him maybe itll loosem him up.
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A
male
reader, Problem.helper +, writes (20 April 2010):
 He might lost attraction to you like maybe you gain some weight or something changed.On the other hand just check what porn he looks at and do the same thing like on video and he'll definitely jump in bed with you.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (20 April 2010):
He may be down on himself, depressed or simply lacking self-confidence. Can you make your bedroom a safe place where he can relax? Please do NOT make the bed a place where you complain each night to him- some women have a bad habit of doing this and it is a real mood killer.
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A
female
reader, HP1993  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Hey. All i have to say on the matter, is don't just jump into new things in the bedroom. From the sounds of things he might find that a bit much. Maybe start by just talking in bed for a few nights, then talking amd cuddling, ect. After a while you'll soon get more comfortable with eachother and eventually he'll start to open up. There is no man out there who wants to keep everything inside. I bet he really wants to share his wildest fantasies with you, but perhaps he thinks you wont like them? Or he's just too shy. Whatever the reason, just take it slow. It's not a marathon :) and once you get into bed there's no set amount of time, you have all night ;) good luck, hope i've helped in some way x
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A
male
reader, CoolAndCoolest  +, writes (20 April 2010):
hi,can i suggest you something?i may be blaming you for this. looks like like you have every qualities. but did you try to understand what exactly your husband likes in a mate when it comes to matter of sex.1. beauty is one factor.2. how you perform is one matter. but i feel, the most important is understand his real feelings. he may be reluctant to reveal his inner most fantasies.eg: 1. he may wish you act a slut (which you are totally against, i believe)2. he may have fantasy of having threesome.3. he may want you to be a little bit vulgar... just in front of him.4. he may want you to talk sexy.5. he may want you to talk sexy about other men.6. he may want you to take control over in matters of sex.seeing that he clears history indicates that he does some thing to satisfy his fantasy thru the net.you just have to understand what he is looking for. instead of questioning him, you can have a mind to know about it.you may start doing the above things slowly... may be one by one and find out what his mind is craving for. he may not be able to talk to you straight.but you assure him with a feeli ng that he can talk to you any thing. and be prepared for any thing that he is going to tell you.i feel that by the word you told - "I'm willing to be adventurous", you are ready for any sort of sexual things....but he may not be having that confidence. he may feel like if he tells you the truth you may reject him from your life.instead of words what you can do is you can start showing your sexual way of approach to him. let him be sure that you are not just talking but you are with him really.do not be an investigator, but be a good partner who would like to know and support anything and everything with your husband. all the best for your life...
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