A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello ill try to make this as short as possible, my husband and i have been together for three years. when we were dating he cheated and impregnated someone and we broke up. he asked for another chance and i forgave him. i moved to virginia with him and we started our life but i didnt trust him as much and sometimes it caused problems, i prayed to God to fix our relationship. one night he had to go out of town for work, but i later found out it was a lie and i still dont know til this day where he went that night. i got fed up and moved back to georgia, he started calling again saying he wanted to make it work and he came and picked me up and i moved back to virginia with him. we got married, he wants to be in his childs life and i encourage it but he doesnt respect me. he lies and says hes going out of town because i have found receipts proving it, i have reason to believe he has been going over his baby mothers house. i told him how uncomfortable i feel and why cant he just pic up his child and bring her back to our house, but he says the little girl cries for her mom. just this past halloween he wanted to take her treat or treating and i asked where he was going and he told me than he was going to pick up his child and i asked was the the childs mom going and he said what if she is and accused me of trying to keep him out of his childs life and im not!! i want him to always spend time with the baby, it just seems like he does it where it disrespects me because the mom is always tagging alone he never takes the baby by himself, he either stays at her house and spend time with the baby or they may go to an event together, he told me maybe we should end this marriage and said its a hinderance anyway, all of a sudden im the one in the way, i have tried to be the best wife i could be but now im being made to feel like im in the way and he has gotten so disrespectful im beyond hurt!!!
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (3 November 2020):
 OP, the best course of action to save you tons of tears, frustration and pain is to give your husband a divorce. If you continue on in this marriage, you are just going to get more and more upset/depressed and throwing your life away being unhappy. He cheated, he lies to you and you are suspicious of him. Let's be honest, you'll probably never be able to trust him again. Why live that way? Get out before you waste any more of your time with someone that doesn't really care about you.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 November 2020):
I think people are being a little harsh here as usual. But I also agree that realistically you should be getting a divorce.
I'm sure you don't agree, however. In that case it sounds like a big, if not the biggest issue in your marriage is a lack of trust. I don't blame you, it's hard to trust someone after they betray your trust in the first place. But aside from the time he got someone pregnant I don't see any obvious evidence that he's cheating.
Under normal circumstances he's not doing anything wrong by going to his baby's mom's house. It just feels that way because you don't trust him. I'm not saying he's not sleeping with her, I have no idea. Maybe you should see what he says about you going over there too? You are after all, the step mom. Not every time, but on occasion.
You should work on your trust issues. A lack of trust can push other people away. If you truly believe he's cheating then not trusting him is warranted and you need to realize that you're married to a serial cheater. The only way you can stay together is to have an open relationship or for the two of you to start counseling.
Arguing isn't going to help here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2020): If you have the financial means to leave, leave.
You've been fooled more than once.
Basta.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (2 November 2020):
 In a nutshell, yes I agree with the other aunts here, a divorce would be your best option.
When he cheated and impregnated someone else, right there was the point where you should have washed your hands of him. Your biggest mistake was taking him back.
Trust is one of the most important contributing factors that bind a relationship together, without trust a relationship is doomed to fail. By your own admission you say you never trusted him after he cheated on you. And you were right not to as he kept on lying.
Do yourself a favour and file for divorce, and do this sooner rather than later.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2020): The story is a bit confusing. The man cheated on you and impregnated another woman while with you. Although you didn't trust him, you married him anyway; inviting him and his baby-mama drama all into your life. This is worse than a daytime soap opera.
"i want him to always spend time with the baby, it just seems like he does it where it disrespects me because the mom is always tagging alone he never takes the baby by himself, he either stays at her house and spend time with the baby or they may go to an event together, he told me maybe we should end this marriage and said its a hinderance anyway, all of a sudden im the one in the way, i have tried to be the best wife i could be but now im being made to feel like im in the way and he has gotten so disrespectful im beyond hurt!!!"
He has asked you for a divorce. It should be easy, you don't trust him anyway. He even had the gall to tell you that you're in their way. I think the remedy to your situation is obvious. Give him a divorce. The truth is, he used the child as an excuse to keep his mistress. You probably realized all of this, but you wanted the man so badly you tuned-out all logic and muted your commonsense. You thought tying him up in marriage would block him from that woman. Marriage is an institution of love; not the way to trap a man!
You are probably expecting advice on what to tell him that will change him, miraculously make him respect you, and magically correct this situation. I don't think you need anyone's advice; because he has already offered you the solution.
He was no-good from the start. Let him go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 November 2020):
 No matter what, HE is trying to have is cake and eat it too.
Playing family with the babymomma and child and staying married to you. He lies because you get upset when he spends time with the babymomma, but the thing is the kid is perhaps a bit too young to spend time away from her mom. After all she doesn't see her dad that much, I think it's unrealistic of you to think that the mom will just hand over a baby/toddler.
I think the best thing for YOU is to divorce him. He doesn't really care how you feel about all this. When you took him back after having CHEATED on you, he felt he could now walk all over you. When he LIED to you later on and you STILL came back and even married to dude, he thought you would be gullible enough to buy his BS. He has no respect for you. And you... have little respect for yourself. Or so HE thinks.
Divorce him and move on. Time to free yourself from this drama.
Letting someone walk all over you doesn't make you "the best wife" - forgiving things that you REALLY don't want to forgive or that ONLY creates strife for yourself down the line is not how you become a good wife either. Not saying it's your fault, mind you.
You tried, but you can't create a healthy marriage or relationship ALL by yourself if he isn't willing to really participate.
One thing is mentally being OK with him seeing his child, another is living it.
Divorce him, and I will BET you he will move in with babymomma ASAP - because he is still seeing her behind your back, seeing his child is just the excuse.
That is not a good husband.
While I do think he should have his child the top priority, I don't think you thought you would come WAY down the list after the kid, the mom, himself and what else... then you.
And while hindsight is 20/20 as they say, you shot yourself in the foot by taking him back when he first cheated. You weren't married to him back then. You could and should have walked away. It's not too late to do that now.
Make yourself the priority in YOUR life. Not this man.
Don't make a big drama out of it, simply file for a divorce - you can get an online divorce fairly cheap and fast in most states.
The sooner, the better. And the sooner you can move on with YOUR life.
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