A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for two years now, and I do love my husband. Least year, my husband realized just how much more money I make them him and at first, he was just resentful. It then leered its way into our sex life, and he only wanted to be intimate if he was demeaning me in bed. After several months I could no longer take it, I felt terrible about myself and asked for it to stop. It did! I was happy, we were making love again, but only for about 2 months, then we just stopped making love all together. Now I find triple x-rated stories that he has downloaded about wealthy women being ganged banged or sold as sex slaves etc. I know in the past he was not a gentleman to his ex's, but this was not the case with us until the money issue. HELP, Please, I don’t want to lose my marriage, and don’t know what to do.
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male
reader, balanced  +, writes (26 September 2009):
Let's be clear before I get to the heart of my response:NOTHING in what you've described is something you should be ashamed of and NOTHING is your fault.Good. Now, there are a few men who were raised to believe they have to make more money than their wives, else they aren't manly. I don't think your husband is one of those, something about this would have come up sooner. If he is one of those, get counseling.More often, though, men see their value in the world in relation to how useful they are to others. It's how we express our love, and nowhere is this more apparent than a relationship. (For further info on this see "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".) My guess is that your husband feels that since you make so much more than him there is nothing he actually provides to you that you couldn't get elsewhere. He has no purpose or use, and is reacting to that lack of value in his own life by devaluing you, in an attempt to balance your relationship - subconsciously of course.If that's the trouble, try pointing out to him, in no uncertain terms, all the ways he makes himself useful to you, and all the reasons that no one else could do that. See if that helps. If not, go ahead and try counseling.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): I would say that even though what he is doing is wrong, u have to be more understanding because it is tough on him..
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Unfortunately there are some guys who respect their high earning wife and who have ego's that can take it. It appears that you have de-masculated your mate as he is unable to be the "man" in the relationship. OR the fact that he was not a gentleman in his past relationships it could also be that the honeymoon is over and this is the man he is. Either way he needs counseling on how to respect women. If you stay without counseling in this relatioship your self esteem will not survive his abuse. Please do not let this happen. Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 Hi,
from a male perspective I cant really see anything that would justify this behaviour. I can see how it happens but not condone it.
My wife earns almost double what I do and I'm proud of her. It's not her fault she is more succesful than me, and I dont even understand why this should be an issue anyway? Why should the man earn more than the woman, I think if your husband thinks like that you've married the wrong man.
I get a kick out of seeing my wife dressed up in her business attire, I find it sexy as hell. But I dont want to demean her, she's my wife and I love her.
Your husband has taken a common sexual fantasy ( the successful woman playing the submissive role ) and turned it into something which is putting you down. This is not right and you two have to reach a compromise of some sort if you want to have a future, but he's got to start showing you some respect doesnt he?
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A
male
reader, Asexy +, writes (7 November 2007):
 Drag his ass, kicking and screaming if necessary, into counseling. Seriously. If he can't get a handle on this he's less of a man than he thinks he is. A man's worth IS NOT based on how much money he makes; it's on how he treats people, his partner especially.
YOU, my dear, have done nothing wrong. It's all on him. Good for you for demanding better treatment in bed. Your body, your rules.
Tell him very specifically that his treatment of you isn't right, that you won't tolerate it, and that you want to go with him into counseling. If he won't consider it, get a divorce lawyer so you don't have to pay him alimony.
Good luck.
P.S. Do NOT have children with this man until he has this under control. Not only would it be harder to leave him, but I can't imagine how he would treat any children. Not to mention that with his attitude of male-dominance, how little help you could expect from him raising them.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 This creature you are married to is not a man but an insecure little jerk who thinks it is funny and clever to humiliate you, just because you earn more money than him. Surely with you knowing that he was not a gentleman with his ex, would have made you run a mile not run into his arms. Lovemaking should be equally pleasurable and not downright degrading. Next time he makes these unreasonable demands explain to him that you are his wife and not some cheap porn star, that he seems to taken a preference to on these disgusting websites. For once and for all please stop letting him use you as a piece of meat and make sure that he treats you with the respect that you richly deserve. If he still carries on humiliating you ditch the nasty creep and find a guy who treats you like a queen.
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