A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I left my husband, we were working together on cruises, saved money to build a future together for 5 years, I am from latin america he is eastern european, first of all he choose living in his country, despite i suggested a neutral country, after I had to accept living there, he choose to live in his neighboorhood, inside his parents home with me, at the beigining he said it will be temporary, but eveytime it was getting harder for me to stay there and not having my home with my husband, all the fights we had were because of that matter, despite owning two properties my husband always had an excuse (to be able to sve more moeney), not to move there, and tried to convinced me to live there with his parents was the best thing. I invested all the money I made during thos years on the cruiseships with him in his country, I don't know how did i get dragged into this, but i trusted him and let him control all our money,investments, we had a business in the neighboorhood he wanted us to have, I was always telling my husbandmy feelings towards everything, if soemthing wasn't right for me, but we always ended up doing what he tought was best and what he wanted, we reached the point I was crying t him for attention, understanding, to move out his parents home, I started to get hit everytime i said my oinion to him or asked or demanded to first of all get out of his parents house. even about our business, if i didn't ike something or had an opinion about it, i would get hit in my own store for it. now, my husband never left me any marks of those agressions, what made me think he had absolute control on what he was doing to me, and was not a violent temper loose situation, This happened several times, to the point Iwanted to fly and see my family, and I got prohibiten to go as i didnt have access to our money without his permission. among many more things, i decided to leave him, I am still loving him despite all, I am getting divorced because I don;t tolerate physicall abuse and dictatorial ways specially when I have contributed economically to the marriage with everything I had.My husband offered to me eevrything I wanted and that he would change if I come back to him, but I dont trust his word, y the way did I mentione he is a mommy's boy?Please help me!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys all very much for your answers, they really help me a lot, to reenforced my decission and give me strenght and also they were very revealing, sometimes you don't see things, when you are in the eye of the storm (or ove), but others can see the clear picture.
At the moment, I am with my family, trying to rebuild my life, and you were right, they are helping me tog et back on my feet.
Thank you again!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted to ask, my husband since we got married stop wanting sex with me from the wedding night and even the honeymoon, in four years of marriage we had little sex, I was always crying for it, yes crying, I am not fat, I am young and I am Latin, he had no reason not to dessire me, before we got married he wanted sex several times a day, that's why I married him, since the wedding night, I better dont count how many times we did it in 4 years.
I always tried to solve this, by speckaing, seducing, demanding, crying,etc, I almost got crazy and that is another readon why I left this man. Now this man really loved me or what?, was he normal?
I am grieving from this relationship that took my life and soul I ama moving on, but I wanted to know your opinion on this, did he love me? or just used me?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): Eastern block man + Latin American woman = bad combination in my opinion.
Neutral country you say? Did you marry him for love or to conduct international diplomacy?
You should have thought more about what you were doing before you got involved with him... but I know... El amor es ciego (and stupid too.)
First, you should leave him immediately to escape from the mistreatment you are receiving from him. He may do worse to you if you stick around with him.
In the future, let this be a warning for all you traditional culture people out there who think that they can enjoy both the fruits of international trade (and love) while preserving their roots - resisting the decomposition of extended family ties, etc.
IT DOESN'T WORK.
One individual has their culture and you have yours. You both value family intensely and respect its obligations. You both love your people and land. How can you expect to "share"? What do you share in? What is the common denominator? Love? Where do you draw the line and who will draw it? Whose culture's traditions govern what is right and what is wrong? Do you suppose your "neutral" country's culture will help you resolve a dispute to the satisfaction of both?
Disagreements and misunderstanding between peoples with strong ties to ethnicity, culture, nationality or even religion are at the heart of all war. Just ask anyone from former Yugoslavia or dozens of other places around the world how that goes.
Any citizen of one of the unfortunate nations to have been fully industrialized for some time can explain just how hard it is to have their traditional cake and eat a modern economy full of foreigners and new ideas too. But I realize that foolish developing nations' hopeful young think that they will somehow "beat the system" and achieve the nearly impossible (perhaps unproductive as well) where we have miserably failed before them. Please forgive bitter old curmudgeons like me from developed nations who don't buy into the "dream" anymore, and please, by all means carry on the struggle.
If you want to have a strong bond with your family/country/culture but must fall in love with someone different from you please at least chose an American or someone from a country that doesn't place much stock in tradition or extended family so that you won't get into battles with them over whose family or traditions take president (or whose old bat of a mother-in-law gets to push everyone around.)
Have fun.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): I think you dont need our help, you are helping yourself by getting away from this abusive man. He was using you more as his working slave than treating you with respect and as an equal. Stick to your decision. If he wants to change, good for him, but dont buy into "I will change if you come back" Tell him HE needs to change, and then MAYBE you can go back. That is if he actually changes and makes up for what he did to you and you still want him. For now, leave and build yourself up and learn from your mistakes. Even if married couples have one economy, both should be allowed to use the money. Not one on top to control everything, but working together through equality and respect.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (20 November 2009):
Hi HIT you??? several times??? He FORBADE you to have access to your own money or to visit your family???
WHY would you even consider going back to someone who treated you like that? HELL NO. This guy is a supreme control freak. He promises you things to get his own way, then doesn't deliver. Because he only cares about what he wants. When you complain, he gets violent? That's not a relationship that's slavery. This guy doesn't love you -- he wants to own and control you.
Oh honey, no wonder you don't trust him. You CAN'T! Call your family, go home, and stay as far away from this man as you can.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 November 2009):
 I doubt very much your husband will change, and I think your gut instinct to not trust him are spot on. Tell your family all that has happened, you may need their support to get back on your feet.
But dont go back to him, its very much harder to leave the second time around.
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