A
female
age
51-59,
*onna1971
writes:how do i save my marriage after my husband of 10 yrs went away "golfing" wiv guys from work and slept wiv a prostitute.i knew by the way he was when he got back and when asked he admitted it.he was drunk(though no escuse) and i belive him that he`s sorry and can`t understand that why he did it.but that doesn`t change owt.we`ve 3 kids and i always thought us strong and happy but how can i eva belive in him or us again...
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female
reader, lossing  +, writes (1 September 2014):
Please don't believe this last post. Prostitutes are very dangerous. I know I'm leaving prof. I'm praying that Chlamydia is the only thing I've got from my husband of 38 years. He told me he's never been unfaithful until 12 weeks ago today I found out he was having unprotected sex with 6 prostitutes he did it 2 times with one for the total of 7 times. He said he hated it and that he will never do it again he said he knew his time was short and he wanted one last trill. Yes he got his trill alright. I'm the one that came down first with Chlamydia. We've been on top of it all but his 3 months will be up next Monday and he has to go for his HIV test for his months his and mine came back clear but they said we went way to soon.
Now as far as our relationship I have no clue. I know I love the ground he walks on but I can't even explain how I fill all I know it is as close to a death experience as I can imagine. I fill like at our age I'm 61 and he's 68 next week, that age will kill us before HIV does. I'm praying we will be fine but even tho I'm hurting I've forgiven him and trying to move on. I always thought for our age 1 to 2 times a week was good and when he had problems I never questioned him. In all the things I always thought the one thing I would NEVER have to face was him cheating on me. I have never worked out side the home and I own nothing everything we have we have together. He has always taken such good care of me and our girls. If they knew what there dad has done the world drag me out of here and make me live with them. I would rather die than live with my kids. Parents should never be a burden on there kids till they get old. I could never work outside the home. That's the only thing that I ever have done it's my life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): I am a mother of two, married for almost eleven years, but known my husband for 18 years. My husband slept with a girl that entertains men in a gentlemen's club. He started texting and talking to her for about three weeks, then slept with her twice. Not once, but twice! He told me two days after it happened.
When he told me, I felt like if there was a knife that stabbed me over and over again. He said she knew how to talk to him and made him feel good. He said I never gave me the same feelings and attention. He said I can't communicate with me sometimes. The reason I can't communicate with him is because he has a very bad temper. He yells at me for every reason you can possibly think of.
Oddly enough, I love him more than anything, and it hurts soooo bad right now. He begs me to stay and try to work it out with him. Would I ever be able to get through this? I don't think I can ever forget about what he did. We have two children together and they are only 5 and 7 years old.
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A
female
reader, LoveGirl  +, writes (11 April 2010):
Before you do anything, go to the doctor to have a check up. Him too. As for the trust issues you know him best. If he cheats once what is stopping him from doing it again. You need to think about your future and know that you have a cheater in your bed. This is a life changing betrayal annd you both need to be very clear on what you want. If you decide to stay with him, which I suspect you do, then you need to have clear rules. And plse stick to it. Your hb needs to also know that you will not tolerate any form of cheating or else you too can start with girlie weekends where you have sex with another man. Two wrongs do not make a right but he needs to know that you too have options and that you reserve the right to exercise this option. Good luck but first make that doc's appointment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010): I am pregnant and have faced the same situation..m with him for now,cus i dnt know wt else to do for now.......
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A
male
reader, twinlab99 +, writes (8 April 2010):
 I personally, no matter what, would get divorced if my spouse cheated on me. But why did he do it is the question. I think men cheat when the sex dies down. They still need it, and men are very selfish and unaware when it comes to sex. They don't want to have to work for it. so when it dies down, and they want it they do't want to work for it, they get it somewhere else. I personally think men start to look around when the oral sex dies down. Sad but true....and don't tell me "Not my guy" because yes...."your guy" too......anyway....I would get divorced...I love sex, oral sex, blah blah blah. I think sex isn't a big deal, but once you decide to be married you should be dedidcated no matter what...if their is a problem and lack of sex, ti's because of lack of communicationa nd working together in the relationship....on both ends...
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A
male
reader, stellarised +, writes (15 February 2010):
Look, men and women have completely different sexual needs and yes he should have kept it in his pants... however none of you replying parties, know the full circumstances of this incident, has this guy been without sex for a long time, I know a guy who went almost a year without sex when his wife was pregnant and it really took it's toll on him. If he had been offered sex on a plate it would have been hard to resist for him... and over very quickly probably...It is a fact that women underestimate men's sexual needs constantly and most of you lot replying see this as a quick way to take him to the cleaners!He seems like a guy who would do what any other would in certain circumstances... he confessed, which suggests to me he has never done it before and is racked with guilt..I hope you forgive him and put this behind you..sort it out for your kids sake, it is also a fact that if a child is a part of a broken marriage then they are likely to be a similar statistic as they get older.....
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A
female
reader, camper12 +, writes (29 December 2009):
what happened, did you forgive him
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A
female
reader, Jessieway +, writes (3 August 2008):
Wow!!! I too have dealt or still dealing with this issue. My husband had sex with a 200.00 hooker. This took place at a motel not even 1.0 miles from our home. He had encounters with her more than once. One more deatil, her nickname was "TAXI." Well we just happen to own a taxicab business which was started by my father back in the 1940's.
It is from my experience that I have not only not forgiven him, but have made some very bad choices in my life and our life and the life of our daughter - 6 years of age.
Do not waste too much time. Get on the web and google or whatever something like "UNFORGIVENESS" I could go on and on about what it does to you if you do not already know.
Also, it would be wise to get tested for any type of STD
During your attempts to trust him again, take notice of how remorseful he truly is and how through his actions what he is doing to "make up" and give you what you need from him in every way. IF NOT DUMP HIM NOW
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): You can't. For one, if you are conscious of disease or AIDS, you will be repulsed at the thought of him touching you. I suggest if you can move on and find someone new.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 I realise I've come across as unsympathetic to your heartbreak. That's not really how I meant it. This is something that has hurt you deeply, and I don't blame you.
In my post, I was merely trying to minimise the significance of your husband's mistake in the larger scheme of things. The more you make of his mistake, the more heartbroken you will feel. However, I am not married (contrary to what Lierin implies) and I guess it's hard for me to appreciate the bond between married people and the huge weight of trust in a marriage such as yours, which can be broken by one thoughtless action. In fact, I rather stand in awe of the existence of such a bond between two people.
You are not a moody cow; you are a person who has been deeply hurt. I still hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive your husband.
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A
female
reader, donna1971 +, writes (8 July 2008):
donna1971 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust want to thank everyone for advice.he went and got checked out for any std`s just after he got back before i knew and we didn`t sleep together.just feel so let down humiliated and destroyed.he says he`s sorry and can`t explain 3 out of the 4 guys he was with did it one who i know`s a shit and has cheated before.but saying sorry and telling me he loves me 100 times a day doesn`t make it go away.i can`t understand how you can love someone and do that...can you love someone and just have a moments maddness i don`t know.he wants me to think to future and basically forget about it.his mum and dad who are always round as they babysit while i work know somethings up but prob just think i`m being moody cow.i want to move on as i love him but my heart`s been broke and i don`t know how to feel better....
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (8 July 2008):
I wasn't suggesting that you shouldn't have a checkup for STDs, merely that you shouldn't get too hysterical about it.
Your man may have done you wrong, but this is your marriage and your husband. You have to find your way of dealing with this. Look at these comments. These women are screaming for blood:
* "Rake him through the cleaners if you have to, get yourself a good lawyer, at his expense..he deserves it for putting your life in danger and destroying your family."
* "you can leave him, or you can stay and give it hard to him .. but dont make yourself look like a fool!"
I am not condoning your husband's actions, but if you want to restore trust in your relationship, it seems to me that getting your pound of flesh is not the way to do it.
I wish you luck and hope that you and your husband can reach a solution to this problem together.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (7 July 2008):
 OMG ... iits "oldfool" serious?
Go check for STDs .. prostitutes are not clean! These women have sex with 5 and more men per night .. do not let this go! One of my friends friend had ahusband that cheated on her with a prostitute and they all got some disgusting std because of him not telling and she had to find out this way!!!!!
Oldfool has probably many experiences with clean prostitutes (good for his wife) .. but you dont let him fool you. Go check yourself. Screw everyone else! Just do it! Its your health
Its completely up to you how you will get over this .. you can leave him, or you can stay and give it hard to him .. but dont make yourself look like a fool! Do not make him believe that everything is fine and it doesnt matter what he did, because it DOES! He cheated .. and it doesnt matter with who, he cheated!! HE DID!
Good luck girl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): I am so sorry for you. You must be in total shock :-( If I were you I would definately get checked for STD's. Prostitutes may be educated on the subject (may be) but there is no fail-proof method of prevention.
You should seek some counseling for yourself to help sort out your feelings, you don't have to make a decision today. As for your husband, I don't know what to say. He obviously is a loose cannon and needs counseling himself. There is no guarentee that he won't do it again...can you live your life knowing this, or do you think it will drive you insane? Do what's best for YOU, don't worry about him.
Rake him through the cleaners if you have to, get yourself a good lawyer, at his expense..he deserves it for putting your life in danger and destroying your family.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (7 July 2008):
With a prostitute it's a one-off thing. OK, it's a violation of trust, but I can assure you, it's more of an "experience" than an affair. Although you're obviously still in a state of shock, I would try not to regard it as such an earth-shattering event. You can play it up into a huge and decisive event that destroys your trust, your marriage, and the lives of you, your husband, and your children. Or you can play it down to a little kink in the road, the actions of a man who strayed off the straight and narrow. We all make mistakes. Whether that mistake is catastrophic and life-changing, or just a blip in the journey of life, is really up to you.
And I don't think you should become too hysterical about STDs. I suspect there is less need to check for STDs with a prostitute than with an ordinary woman. Prostitutes are aware, careful, and trained to take precautions, which is more than you can say for many loose women.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (7 July 2008):
I am sorry this had happened to you!
I can't tell you to leave him, since you have been together for so many years and have life and children together. But I will tell you that he knew what he was doing. I don't believe anyone that saiz " I was drunk, I really didnt mean to do it!" thats a BS ... he ment to do it, and he was probably planing on it before he even got drunk ... for whatever reason.
Can you trust him again? I wouldn't! But thats me.
Every time he would go out, I would think the same thing ! He is cheating on me!
And with a prostitute? Oh my GoD! You better go check yourself for STDs if you have slept wit him after.
I am not sure what to say.
I would not ever trust this man ever again!
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