A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am so lost. My husband of nearly 20yrs had an affair for almost a year. He ended it when I found out and we have been building bridges for the past 18 months. Obviously the trust is very shakey thus the reason why I sometimes check his wallet. Well just deserts, as I found the girls telephone number hidden in his wallet. He told me he just wanted to phone her once to see if there was any spark there. He says there wasn't (said she wasn't in) and just forgot to take the number out of his wallet.I love this man to bits but don't want to waste another 18mths when I could be playing second fiddle again. He says he only loves me and cannot explain why he kept her number. Any ideas to help me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): leave him please once a cheat always a cheat there is no smoke without fire he does not deserve you!!!!!!! pleaseeeee the trust has gone it will never return!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): Hi,I feel your pain as i too have had a hubby who cheated on me only he was using prostitutes believe you me no one can understand this pain till they have gone through it i would never tell you to leave him that will be your decision i think it would be a shame to throw away a 20 year old marriage and for what a stupid fling! it was purely just sex with him it is always the same with men they think with their nether regions and not their head when it comes to love.I think he wanted to spice up his sex life and went for the affair the fact he is still with you must tell you he is prepared to give it another go as far as the number is concerned take it and destroy it and tell him if he wants you to stay and make this work no more lies no more secrets everything on the table tell him he has to become transparent for you to trust him again and start to re-kindle your romance i think being married for 20 years ( We were Longer) your sex life does diminish a bit.Buy new lingerie go out for romantic meals tell him you want him to be more attentive instead of phoning old flames tell him to divert the calls to you surprise you here and there all of these things we are trying and it is surprising how much we take for granted you can save this marriage if you want but he has to lose the ties with the old flame here and now tell him me or her that's it they usually come back to the wife a mistress, whore, call girl etc; are used just for sex they are not worthy of anything else they know what they are doing and deserve to be treated like dirt! they break up marriages relationships you name it they cause untold damage and i would not waste my time or energy worrying about these worthless sluts.Men are creatures of habit they know where their bread is buttered and they know a wife of 20 years is commited to that he has to wake up and smell the coffee and get back to reality tell him he ai'nt having you both if he wants a double life tell him it won't include you as soon as you make yourself unavailable they want you!!! believe you me they really do take charge of everything that way you know what he is spending what he is using the money for and if he is spending it on other things other than you two ask why? I am sure you can work through these issues he has been found out therefore it is not his wee secret anymore and it becomes less appealing when all about know tell him you will tell all who will listen about his affair see what he says they usually beg for you not to and that is your carrot to dangle in front of him when you have to use it!! i wish you well and if you want to save this marriage then it will take two hope this helped.50+
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (28 February 2007):
 Fool me once...shame on you. Fool me twice...shame on me. If you can live without trust then by all means stay but be prepared for the worst. The only reason he stopped the affair was because you found out, that says it all in my opinion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): Why do you love him to bits?????? He has cheated on you for all this time. He has kept her phone number in his wallet in case there is a spark. Sorry to say this but I would of booted him out as soon as i found out about the affair.How can you stand to be around him. What if there had been a spark? Another fire?? Please have some self respect and get rid of this pig, he clearly doesn't value you for your total worth and you do deserve better. Don't waste another 18 months! I wouldn't waste another 18 seconds. Please tell him to get lost. You will find someone who you so deserve and that is for certain.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Millyella  +, writes (28 February 2007):
 I'm so sorry that this has happened to you again. Nothing that anybody says here can ease the hurt you are no doubt feeling now.
However, the power to make a change in your situation rests with you. You may feel like your options are limited, but that's not true. Your husband has betrayed your trust after you agreed to work things out with him. This indicates that he is not as committed to your relationship as you are.
Your choices are as follows: carry on in your marriage, and accept that your husband may never be faithful to you. He MAY be faithful, but that is unlikely given his history. Your other option is to take the initiative and end the marriage; you have ample reason to do this. He has proved to be untrustworthy, and his actions show his lack of commitment to the marriage. Not to mention his carelessness in keeping this woman's number in his wallet.
You know in your heart what is best for you to do; listen to your inner voice.
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