A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:how can i get past the thought of my husband havin sex with an 18 yr old that i have know for a while now? i dont just know that they had sex i know details! where how what. all the nasty details no one wants to know. i trusted not just my husband but her as well. what should i do?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): That's such a horrible thing to do.
I don't think you will be able to get rid of the image, e has tainted your marriage!!
You deserve better, he needs to be confronted and you NEED to stay in control if the talks over this, it's so important that he knows you have the upper hand.
Do they know you know?
How do you know this 18 year old?
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 June 2010):
 Well, you need a strategy. Before confronting him, you need to decide what you want to do. Do you want to leave him, or do you want to work things out with him? If you want to leave him, you need to have an "exit strategy" where you have the money to move out and a place to go to. Talk to some trusted friends/relatives in secret to line up some help and support. If you don't know about all of your finances/bills, time to get educated. Then line up a divorce lawyer. If you have kids (you didn't say), that's an even better reason to have a lawyer to determine custody.
If you want to work things out with him, you'll need a marriage counselor to work out the enormous feelings of betrayal and devastation both of you will feel, and you won't be able to do it alone. You will still need to get some friends for support and get savvy on all of your finances. Keep the "exit strategy" as a contingency plan in case your husband decides to go (or you throw him out)
After you have ALL of your ducks in a row (including knowledge of 401(k) plans, retirement accounts and investments), then confront him. You will be very emotional when this happens, but the key is to be in control at all times. Many times women upon being betrayed will react emotionally and erraticly and end up losing everything. Stay in control. A marriage is also a corporation. Make sure you do not get shafted.
You did nothing wrong. He cheated. He violated your marriage vows. The ball is in your court.
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