A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel absulutely terrible. My husband and I separated two weeks ago with the chance of reconcilliation. This past weekend I invited a co-worker over to have a few drinks. When she came she brought someone a guy that we work with. Well, when she left he stayed. We were pretty toasty and things got a little heated to say the least. We began to engage in intercourse and I stopped him and made him leave. I feel terrible because even though I'm separated I know I'm still married. Is this considered cheating? I know I can never tell my husband or there will be no reconcilliation, but I feel so guilty!!!!!! Please help!
View related questions:
co-worker Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, catfish777 +, writes (29 April 2011):
I think you are saying that you were screwing but you stopped before orgasm and that somehow makes it "less bad". Screwing is screwing so stop trying to minimize it because you didn't get off.
Sexual intercourse with another man while you are separated but actively working to reconcile is cheating. How you choose to handle it is your next decision. I would advise you to NEVER tell him about it whether you get back together or not unless there is a good chance he will find out about it on his own. It will not help your chances of reconciling now and is the kind of thing that can torture a man for many years so please spare him if at all possible.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): For you both to be separated and for you to be even tempted does say a lot about the state of your marriage. People might say, you both were separated you did nothing wrong. No, not true. This isn't the same thing as 'taking a break' like adolecsent relationships do. You both are still man and wife. This is a marriage and I for one, take a lifetime committment like this, very seriously. This separation sounds like it was a 'time apart to think and refocus'. If a reconciliation is on the horizon, your primary focus should have been on rebuilding with your husband.
Hun, you had opportunity, so you (almost) took it. This was a clearcut choice on your part. Think of it this way, if your husband did this to you, would you want to know? Would you have that forgiveness in you heart, to remain with him? Would you both ever be able to go back to the same relationship? Where there is a solid base of total trust and respect? Telling him you almost cheated, could 'blow up' this marriage or it might give you both the insightfulness to realize, that you do love each other and this marriage needs some serious work. I think the fact that you walked away from this potential cheat, brfore it got out of hand, should be recognized, as a positive. But he needs to know you were tempted but tell him 'why you were tempted'. Do you even know 'why'? You need to take a good hard look at yourself and marriage and figure out what is going on in you, that you allowed yourself to get in this precarious position with another man. Was it lonliness, ego-driven, fantasy, misguided affection, the thrill? Sometimes, people feel pain, loss and they do foolish things to 'feel good about themselves'. Only to realize later, what a selfish thing cheating really is. Thankfully, you realized this...mid-encounter and walked away.
Begin any renewal with your husband based on honesty and the truth and he should be given the opportunity to decide for himself, if he can accept this. Tell your husband, what happened and ask him to get into marriage counselling with you. Tell him you want to renew your marriage and start afresh, from this day forward.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 April 2007):
 yep that's cheating all right, but luckily you stopped yourself which shows that your moral compass finally clicked in. You feel guilty because you are guilty. If you are truly interested in making your marriage work then you'll have to be very careful to avoid being in situations like this. Consider it a lesson learned. However the very fact that you could even think about intercourse with another man may indicate that your marriage is over. A separation is intented for the purpose of deep refection on the marriage you best get started, good luck.
...............................
|
