A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I don't know what to do anymore, his mom and sister always make plans whenever holiday is near even going on vacations and if we got plans they will get angry saying we are selfish and don't want to spend times with them. It's driving both of us angry coz they end up calling him saying this is how "our" family has been doing stuff and that they know it's your wife's fault for him not wanting to get together. I'm glad he told his mother that he loves me and will not just going to listen to her belittling me. We been married to 7 years and they never change, we still go there but not on Mother's Day, we both called our moms and wish them happy Mother's Day then we go on a romantic date every year. Lately is getting worse his mom is getting super emotional and she wanted her husband and son and daughter to be there cooking for her on Mother's Day, last time I went to spend Mother's Day with her I dropped off our kids to my mother cause that's all she wanted was to spend time with her grandkids before I went to my mother in law's house.....she just sat back like a boss on her recliner while me and my sister in law cooked for her. I was angry cause it's a special day for me too and I want to relax and enjoy a good meal not doing anything. My husband was outside doing some yard work for her it was ridiculous. After that day my husband and I both agree that were not going to that anymore, now she send texts to my husband telling him stuff to buy for her on Mother's Day for us to bring OMG!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 May 2015):
 I'd ignore her texts. You two showed up for a "pre-Mother's Day and "celebrated" that with her.
We don't really celebrate Morther's Day in our house (as my birthday is a few days before) but we DID go out to dinner on my birthday (kids in tow) and had a nice time. Then back home to cake and presents. Mother's Day I usually "just" get flowers & a card.
I think SOME people just take these commercial holidays too far. Like Valentine's Day.
I am not sure WHY you had to cook for her, I would not have done so. YOU were a guest. If ANYONE should have cooked for her, it should be her husband/kids NOT her DIL.
My advice, is GO out enjoy Mother's Day with your hubby and your kids. TURN off your phones if you have to.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 May 2015):
 All that's left is to not show.
If he is supportive and as fed up as you are about the manipulation, then there are no more words to say. Just put actions behind those words. Have him call and tell her he loves her, but you have kids and you're your own family now. You are a mom as much as she is, and you being constantly summoned on Mother's Day deprives your kids from giving you what she wants given to her.
It would be one thing to go over there for an hour or so, or to go out to lunch together away from a house (my recommendation for this kind of situation because it gives a specific time limit AND an out so as not to rope off the entire day), but it's another for her to monopolize all time and all attention as if you're not a mom nor do you have a mother of your own to celebrate with. Nothing entitles his mom more than you or your mom, and it is up to your husband to go beyond words and enforce that boundary.
It wasn't right to separate the grandkids from you. THEY didn't have to honor their mother by being pampered by their grandmother. While it's true that you're not your husband's mom, he should have not had you working to honor his mom, as you're the mother of his kids.
If he has told her that he's not coming, then do not come. Simple as that. If she's hyper emotional, and judging by your age, if she's in her 50's, this could be menopause hormones kicking in and wreaking havoc as well, she may need to be talking to someone professional, because neither you nor her son can give her what she needs now.
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