A
female
age
41-50,
*aseypig
writes:I have recently discovered that my husband is chating to an ex via an online social network.he says the conversation are innocent but im not so sure.i have never had any reason to doubt him before but im doing my own head in thinking the worst.any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): hi there sweety! i think the advice you've beem given so far is bloody crazy and i hope you havnt taken it!! its perfectly understandable to be feeling insecure. The thing you need to understand is HE IS A MAN. they only understand if your blunt wiv them. Now i dont know the circumstances of your husband and his ex but theres a good chance it is al inocent n he just misses her company evry now and then. remember there was a reason they wer together, but also a bigger reason y they broke up. so remember hu he's wiv now! rite now!if you make ur self paranoid and go into al this nonsense of reading his emails blah blah you'll drive urself insane! and if he finds out you could end up pushing him away all together. trust me i know al this and at the moment nothing is wrong, so dont push him away and punish yourself. My suggestion is that you work on building your own relationship as that is wher i think the effort shud b spent. show him y he's with you. spend time wiv him and make time just for you 2 spend 2gever. if it continues and you are still unhappy, tell him that you are worried that the conversations wud lead to more and find it insensitive that he does it wen it makes you so upset. also ask him if mayb you can talk 2 her too sumtime. make it more of a mutual thing. most of all, remember you are the 1 he chose to be with and b happy. then he can do nuthing but love you.and if you ever find out he's a cheating scumbag (which i really doubt he is) then come bak 4 revenge tips! at least ul kno u didnt drive him away!!!
A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Hi, If he is chatting with her on line, I would think anyone would want to know why. He is your husband, she is
his ex, if they don't have children together, then what are the issues they are talking about? If you and your husband talk to each other honestly, and I hope you do, then I myself, would have a long talk with him and allow him to express to me, without any accusations or threats, why he feels he has to talk to her and what, pray tell are they talking about. He should know, and I would tell him, that by talking as he is doing, he is giving her the impression, and rightly so, that he is interested in her, what else could she think, or that he wants something from her, and what would that be. A question would be, how comfortable would he be, with you talking to another man on line, whoever it would be? It does not seem the proper thing to do, and I think he should be willing to stop chatting with her. I would not want to hear, that, oh it's nothing, how is it nothing, when you continue to chat. You should not be jealous, he is married to you nad she is his ex, but you want it to stay that way, and women can be wacky. So I would want it to cease, without a lot of accusations, try to rationalize with him. If he does not listen, then I might start, this could be dangerous, so think about it before you do it. I might start going to the movies by myself, and stir up his pure mind. I also might send myself some flowers, I'm crazy, so be careful. But I would want him to see how it feels. Don't give him a reason for divorce though, I really don't want to cause more of a rift, so try to talk to him and get him to understand your minor concern, and let him know that it is minor. Good luck to you and take care. Please stay in touch and left us know how you are doing.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (10 July 2008):
Hmm thats a hard one cause no one hear really knows if its innocent or not.
If I was you, I would start by asking what hes talking to her about. Dont ask in a judgemental way though or like your accusing him of anything, ask in a casual manner, in the way you would ask him what he got up to with his friends one day or something.
But at the same time, remember you have the right to know whatsgoing on, even if its all innnocent. If its innocent then he should have no problem saying what he talks to her about.
In my personal opinion, if you are married you shoudlnt be talking to exs.
I think if you tell him that although you trust him, it does hurt your feelings, he should respect that and stop talking to her. At the very least he should allow you to watch him talk with her. If he has nothing to hide then he wouldnt mind.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): my husband is now at home i was out abroad for 4 months, we are married. my husband and me doesnt have a kids, i have two from the past. he has one son from the past..last night he accedentally mention to me on the phone that he meet his ex-wife because of their son, but it happen already before he tell me., i was hurt" normally he should mention it to me first before he meet her for the case of their son 'by the way son is already grown up and have his own family already... so' i was hurt when i find that out already late, but i did not let him realise i was hurt. i dont want to argue with him for that. what i am thinking is like this.. no matter what..things happen - happen.. earth is rolling everyday and we can not control it.. i love my husband very much, but if he meet his ex-wife without tellin me then what shall i do? make trouble out of it?.No".its just wasting my energy..if he loves me then stay with me and try not to hurt me.., if he hurt me' if he cheat me" i will face the truth.. and try to deal with it.. hope this expirience will give you some idea dear... take care, good luck and be strong.. its hard but u will make it...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Or you could stand behind him and watch what he says when he's talking to his ex online. He's told you not to worry, and you've never had any cause to doubt him. If you don't believe him, your not going believe us when we say he's doing nothing wrong. Everything is out in the open, you know who he's talking to, you've got nothing to fear.
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A
female
reader, MissB23 +, writes (10 July 2008):
Hi.I'm in a similar situation.I like someone who says he likes me,but he still hasnt got over his ex.He broke up with her last year,i met him soon after they broke up,and i didnt know till this month that he still sees her.He says he doesnt want to hurt me, and wants me to give him time,as he is confused.I'm really upset about it.I havent told him i'm upset by it though.Since he still sees her,i'm wondering if he wants to go back with her.My opinion is that i dont see why someone would be in contact with an ex if they didnt still care about them.This guy i like was with her for a long time.I'm unsre whether i shouldnt contact him ever again,or just not contact him for a while and see what he does.We arent in a relationship,but we have kissed,flirted,and he did hint,before i knew he still saw his ex,that he wanted to be with me.We chat alot aswell obviously.How long were your husband and his ex together ,and how long ago did they split up ?.Also, do they have any children together ?.Have you told your husband how much it upsets you ?.Have you ever met his ex and do you know why they broke up ?.The answers to these questions can help us understand the situation more,and we may be able to offer more help.It may help for you to discuss things more aswell.As i did when i found this out about the guy i like,i think you should just have an open discussion with your husband.Test him,and ask if you can be friends with and chat to his ex aswell,or maybe even meet her if you havent already.If it's innocent,he shouldnt mind you both being in contact.That's if you would feel comfortable doing that.Or ,you could draw the line and tell him he has to stop all contact with his ex altogether.I havent mentioned either of those things to the guy i like,but have considered it.I hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Play it patient. Leave it for a bit, agree with him but hack into his account and read some stuff. E-mails whatever, just go through the whole lot while hes out. Then you can see whats what.
Do rememeber, it is a possibility that he is innocent. So if he goes ask why you did it, just go for the 'I was going over my head about it. I'm so sorry but I had to. I do trust you I just love you' then start crying and stuff...
Don't let him push you over though.
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