A
female
age
41-50,
*om2Boys
writes:Everytime I have the opportunity to spend time with my brother, sister, dad who all live out-of-state, my husband seems to find a reason why I should not visit or take part in the event. His main argument is that they don't plan well and don't give enough notice, which is not always true. When it is, I decline the invite and move on, it's the times when the invite is in advance. He is extremely pessimistic and I've grown tired of dealing with it. I would like for him to understand that I want some sort of relationship with my family, even if they don't make as much an effort as I do, I barely see them. I spend more time with his family, than he spends with mine. How can I explain to him this unbalance?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 October 2009):
You have to tell him straight that you are entitled to see yoour family. Either he doesn't want to see them, or he is very controlling. Either way, there's no reason why you can't see them. Don't let him control you.
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 If it were me, I wouldn't waste breath trying to explain it. I am sure he is aware of it.
I doubt he has a problem with you spending time with your family. At least based on what you’ve written, it sounds like HE doesn’t want to spend time with them.
I suggest you accept all the invitations you want, but do not require him to accompany you. Then you can feel free to pick and choose those events hosted by his family that you will attend.
If he doesn't like this set up, you can tell him that you are open to discussing it if he is willing to do something to balance out how much time is spent with each family.
Alternatively or additionally, why not invite your family to your house? You can both make the arrangement in advance and invite them over. Then he should have enough notice.
Good luck.
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